Canterbury Atheist Blog in Hibernation

Attention All:

My blog is ‘off the air’ indefinitely as at 01st July 2009.

I need to concentrate on finishing a book I started writing earlier this year, and is currently ‘stalled’ about a third-of-the-way through.

It’s a black-comedy, by the way.

So I’ve made the hard-decision that becoming a published author is a far worthier goal comparatively, than ‘a mere blogger’.

The investment in time and mental output, spent writing articles for this blog, would be better invested in the pages of my book.

The pay as an author is also miles better.

Can’t say when, or if, I will be back?

Depends on how the book goes.

May the blessings of The Flying Spaghetti Monster, fall upon you.

Peace.

Paul.

Note: Advice for first time authors is appreciated & can be left in the comments section.

The 'What is God?' Challenge

I am putting-up NZ$1,000 to anyone who can explain to me, in terms I can understand…

“What is God?”

This is a genuine offer (refer conditions below)

I will keep-posting this offer, so there are no time-restraints or limits on the number of submissions, nor for that matter the entrants location.

I will act as the sole arbitrator – this is for my benefit.

Please do not confuse the question “What is God?” with “Is there a God?”.

For anyone to answer the question “Is there a God?” we first need to establish the definition of ‘God’.

So imagine you are describing a domestic cat to someone who has never encountered one.

Let’s not get bogged-down in platitudes or meandering philosophical abstracts.

Nor do I want-to-get involved in semantics.

A cat has teeth and claws, this we understand ,without breaking-down the teeth and claws into their make-up, functions etc - nor having to require a Biology degree.

Just stick to the basic ‘make-up’ of God.

For example since The Bible tells us believers will enter heaven to be by his side, clearly this means he has sides – right?

But is he a square of a hexagon?

Have I misinterpreted ‘by his side’?

Apparently humans are made in his ‘image’?

So if I bumped into God at the Supermarket, what would I behold? Would his male appendage be obvious?

We are told looks down-on us 24/7, so with all the activity he has to monitor it’s reasonable to think he has a multitude of eyes - a bit like a house-fly?

See what I’m after?

Keep referring back to the child-like domestic cat scenario when answering and you won’t go wrong.

Remembering a cat is more than an animal with fur.

Keep at the back of your mind, I am not one of the 3 billion humans that are 100% sure God exists, and have never to the best of my knowledge meet a God, nor encountered any of his magical powers.

You need to start from square-one with me.

Also peoples, please do not belittle me by calling into question my intelligence or open-mindedness with statements like “You won’t understand”. May be I will, when you use terms any layman will understand.

Further it was a God that saw fit to use words as the sole method to describe his workings in his manifesto. These words ‘of God’ are what believers follow. Not a DVD or You-Tube - a book called 'The Bible'. Therefore if it is good enough for God to use words to convey such crucial information like; man-kinds life-mission, creation, what happens when we die etc - then surely there is scope in the written language to describe this ‘God’? By stating there are no words to describe God you are in-fact bringing into question the writings of The Bible and Gods very existence.

Thank-You.

Paul.


Conditions:

I will donate the money (equivalent of USD 700)to go to a ‘Secular’ Non-Political ‘New Zealand Registered Charity’. Like say Child Cancer or Crippled Children Society etc. All of the winners own choice. Overseas entrants are fine. Those of you from overseas may prefer to opt for an International Charity organisation (without religious or political ties). I will act as the sole arbitrator. No correspondence entered into. Leave your answers in the comments section.The more pedantic in our midst can contact canterburyatheist at gmail.com.

Half-Time Score: Frank Zappa 14 - Michael Jackson 0

“Do we really want to know how Michael Jackson makes his music? No. We want to understand why he needs the bones of the Elephant Man -- and, until he tells us, it doesn't make too much difference whether or not he really is ''bad.'' (FZ)

How many of the world mainstream media outlets lead with the story of Frank Zappa’s death in 1993?

None, that’s how many!

Today’s unwarranted adulation of Michael Jackson exposes the injustice of a ‘true musical-genius versus marketing pantomime come phenomenon’.

We see this, in both the public and media circles.

Fuck throw-away POP-ULAR fucking Music!

It’s SHIT!

Let me spell it out for those of you, who may be hard of hearing……S…..H…..I…..T.

Ya, got it?

When The Spices Girls sell more than Radiohead, it’s apparent to anyone above puberty and doesn’t have a poster of their favourite band on their bedroom wall, that record sales are never indicative of talent.

When a so-called musician/singer (whatever you term him) is remembered for 'turning music videos into an art-form' and his dance-routine - we need to take a big step back & ask ourselves 'what about the music'?".

All this unjustified adulation of MJ, merely goes to prove Frank Zappa’s immortal quote:

“Most people wouldn't know music, if it came-up and bit-them on the ass”.

Sure it was sad to see Jackson drop-dead prematurely, but musically he was never on the same scale as immortals like Zappa and Lennon.

David Bowie is another, who towers above Michael Jackson.

I’ll leave you with some more Zappa quotes which seem to be purpose-built for this article.

“I don't give a fuck if they remember me at all”.

“Some scientists claim that hydrogen, because it is so plentiful, is the basic building block of the universe. I dispute that. I say there is more stupidity than hydrogen, and that is the basic building block of the universe”.

“Rock journalism is people who can't write, interviewing people who can't talk, in order to provide articles for people who can't read”.

“I have an important message to deliver to all the cute people all over the world. If you're out there and you're cute, maybe you're beautiful. I just want to tell you somethin' — there's more of us UGLY MOTHERFUCKERS than you are, hey-y, so watch out”.

“If you wind up with a boring, miserable life because you listened to your mom, your dad, your teacher, your priest or some guy on TV telling you how to do your shit, then YOU DESERVE”

“There is no hell. There is only France ”

Gay Exorcisms

Sometimes words fail me, and you secretly hope you are watching some sort of elaborate hoax.

But then reality dawns on you, and you are confronted with the brutal, unpalatable facts.

There really are backward individuals that believe that homosexuality is the result of demonic possession.

It’s not just the share absurdity of the concept of supernatural-beings like demons that is of concern, it’s the fact individuals are permitted to practice psychological torment with impunity, under the guise of religion.

Arrogant and bigoted Christians see it as their ordained duty, to ‘cleanse’ people of the evil they are taught, is homosexuality.

I want you to think about this.

What are the chances anyone can ‘re-orientate’ (for want of a better term) another individual who is a homosexual into a heterosexual?

I’ll tell ya, what chance there are of this happening.

It’s exactly the same as a heterosexual person becoming homosexual.

Any heterosexuals reading this, want to give me the chances of someone turning-you into a homosexual?

Why does the Christian God hate Children?

Why does the God of The Bible hate children, to the point he is willing to kill them mercilessly on a mass-scale?

We are talking about the wholesale slaughter of day-old babies up-wards, and not just when he drowned everyone, except for a drunked and his family.

The LORD smote all the firstborn in the land of Egypt, from the firstborn of Pharaoh that sat on his throne unto the firstborn of the captive that was in the dungeon.... And there was a great cry in Egypt; for there was not a house where there was not one dead. [Exodus 12:29]

This sort of callous murder should be abhorrent to most balanced humans, who care for the sanctity of human life and the most vulnerable in society.

Then, there is the physical abuse God partakes-in, with a certain amount of sadistic pleasure, stage-planning bizarre and horrific deaths and assaults on children.

And he went up from thence unto Bethel: and as he was going up by the way, there came forth little children out of the city, and mocked him, and said unto him, Go up, thou bald head; go up, thou bald head. And he turned back, and looked on them, and cursed them in the name of the LORD. And there came forth two she bears out of the wood, and tare forty and two children of them.[ 2 Kings 2:23-24]

The eye that mocketh at his father, and despiseth to obey his mother, the ravens of the valley shall pick it out, and the young eagles shall eat it. [Proverbs 30:17]

Sick-stuff, but it gets worse and more depraved, being ‘The Good Book’.

This Hannibal Lecter of the Heavens wants parents to engage in cannibalism of their children, as some sort of ritualistic appeasement to his glory.

And ye shall eat the flesh of your sons, and the flesh of your daughters shall ye eat. [Leviticus 26:29]

And thou shalt eat the fruit of thine own body, the flesh of thy sons and of thy daughters. – [Deuteronomy 28:53]

And I will cause them to eat the flesh of their sons and the flesh of their daughters, and they shall eat every one the flesh of his friend. [Jeremiah 19:9]

If you are not up to dismembering & consuming your own flesh & blood, then at least have the courtesy on Gods behalf, to take a rod like object, such as a baseball bat and beat a child within an inch of their lives, so his rival the nasty devil, will pop-out.

Thou shalt beat him with the rod, and shalt deliver his soul from hell [Proverbs 23:14]

And when will there be enough ritualistic and arbitrary slaughter & physical abuse of children for the God of The Bible to be satisfied?

He’s very specific on that question.

Happy shall he be, that taketh and dasheth thy little ones against the stones [Psalm 137:9]

So he can never personally be lumbered with the tag of favouritsm when it came to indiscriminate brutality of the young on earth.

God even set-up his only son to die!

And if that wasn't enough suffering for the youngest of his creations to endure.

He kindly left mankind with the legacy of starvation, disease etc. so his murderous spree could continue unabated.

The God of the Bible is undoubtedly a Child Murderer on a scale and veracity that is abhorrent to anyone with an once of moral fibre.

Strangely Christians seem to love him?

The strange case of the naturist Governor from South Carolina and his Argy Tramp

Mark Sanford is the holy-rolling Governor of South Caroline, and a few days ago, he went walkabout without telling anyone close to him, or at least that was the original story.

For those of you unfamiliar with U.S Politics, Clement Mark Sanford is a man who has campaigned on ‘values’ and championed the cause of state-funding of religious education.

A bible-bashing George Bush clone, who looks to the same constituency to remain in power.

The U.S media have been full of the story of the missing Governor.

His dutiful wife (pictured above with her hubby)said she had no idea where he was, even though his disappearance coincided with Father’s Day.

Even his Lieutenant Governor claimed had no idea, and didn’t even know if he was Acting Governor or not!

It was first rumoured Sanford was on some sort of solo tramp in the Appalachians Trail.

This rumour also sparked another, more amusing line of speculation – that he was up in the hills naked, as one of the days he was off in the bush just happened to be ‘National Hike Naked Day’.

But all of this speculation, rumour begetting rumour, turns-out to be a load of crap.

Governor Sanford, was actually down in Argentina bonking some tart.

All of this came out at in a Press Conference, that bordered on the comical as the philandering Sanford rambled on about the laws of God. He said, “the laws of God are not oppressive rules”, but “are always put into place for our own protection”. He also said “that the laws of God were absolutes and that he had been attending Christian bible studies”.

For the benefit of the non-theists not into this laws of God , what Sandford is telling the world is fairly simple:

1.)His wife is frigid and didn’t put out enough

2.)The power of a standing-prick trumps Gods cards every-time.

You, can’t make-up crap like this!

Say “No” to smacking a week-old baby across the face.

"Should a smack as part of good parental correction be a criminal offence in New Zealand”

So the bible-bashing zealots have got their way, and the country is to shortly pour nine-million dollars down-the-drain on a referendum, which when it has all been said and done, will probably do nothing.

This expense is unjustifiable at a time when New Zealand and the world economy are in a deep recession.

But now we are apparently lumbered with it, let’s see what we get when we answer “No” to ‘Focus on The Family’s’ appalling worded, ambiguous question (above).

1.) No, it shouldn’t be an offence to smack your child across the face with your fist as part of good parental correction.

2.) No, it shouldn’t be an offence for parents to smack a week old baby as part of so-called parental correction.

The way I read it, this is a possible interpretation of the wording in the poorly-worded question posed.

What exactly is a smack for starters?

Parents will be able to say in mitigation “I was only smacking them” when the child displays signs they received more that simple correction, smack on the bum.

This was exactly the mess we had before the law change.

And why stop with correcting children?

The originator of the petition is Sheyll Savill, and as it happens her husband is a policeman.

When Police-Constable Savill comes across some husband in his line of work, who has given his wife a “smacking” should he not feel pains of guilt at arresting them?

Would Constable Savill stand idly by while I slapped his wife?

Why does he then allow his wife smack his kids in an identical situation, without arresting her?

The answer is easy.

Sheyll Savill wants criminals who beat their children to escape justice, in pursuit of her own beliefs, which say specifically parents are justified using physical pain.

"Foolishness is bound in the heart of a child; but the rod of correction shall drive it far from him."

“Withhold not correction from the child: for if thou beatest him with the rod, he shall not die."

“Folly is bound up in the heart of a boy, but the rod of discipline drives it far away”

“Thou shalt beat him with the rod, and shalt deliver his soul from hell”

The Bible therefore specifically requires Christian parents to beat their children to prevent them slipping into Satan’s hands.

Beating is exactly the word used, not smacking, but beating.

Good Christian parents should employ rods, not the palm of your hands, but a form of weapon in the shape of a rod.

A baseball bat, or a piece of 4 x 2 timber fits the scriptures description well.

Then beat the living-crap out of the poor little sods, till the big-bad devil pops-out.

So from the orchestrator's of The Petitions perspective, this is not a question of freedoms, this is a question of rights.

These are not your or my biological off-spring.

They are Gods property.

The rights ordained to them in Gods best-seller, gives you and me the rights to beat-our-brats with impunity, on Gods behalf.

What the f*ck is God?

As a skeptic I don’t believe in Gods, deities, ghosts, Father Christmas, The Tooth-Fairy and a whole range of mythical beasts.

Even to this hardened unbeliever like yours-truly the concepts of Father Christmas and The Tooth Fairy are fairly easy to explain & harmless concepts.

I can put my finger-on why parents like me, masquerade as Father Christmas and The Tooth Fairy.

But I can’t say the same about God.

To the best of my knowledge, I have never meet a God, or been touched by their presence.

I have been told God exists, without being told who/what God is, in the first place.

So to believe in a God you need to know exactly what a God is?

There are billions of humans who say there is a God, but not one universal description that can clarify “what God is?”

Individuals subjugate their lives to an entity they know less about than say The Tooth Fairy.

A theist is more capable to draw-you a picture of a tooth-fairy, than their God.

They could point to where Father Christmas lives on a map, but not the abode of their God entity?

They could more readily explain in greater clarity what The Loch Ness Monster is, than what is God?

So someone, please for Gods sake tell me what the f*ck is God?

In the same fashion you were describing a cat, to someone who has yet to encounter one.

Christian Only Sporting Clubs in New Zealand create a Sectarian Divide

It’s been a considerable period, since I came to the conclusion Theists were largely from a distant galaxy, and I resided on another planet light-years away (one, that circled a Sun, rather than what The Bible has to say on planetary orbits)

We lived-in the same community but ostensibly lead separate lives, moved-in diametrically opposed social circles.

This vast space that separates our respective thought pattern’s, was best exemplified last week, as I pulled-up at the lights, behind a 4WD vehicle.

The spare-tire cover was sign-written with ‘Christian Surfers’ & a web-site address.

As I continued driving, my powers of lateral thinking engaged, I asked myself “Why would Christians want to separate themselves from the mainstream surfing fraternity?”

“What benefit could there be from Mister & Mrs. Christian, to distinguish themselves as a part of a distinct sub-culture, within a sub-culture?”

“What makes a Christian Surfer, any different from say a Buddhist Surfer or a left-handed surfer?”

“What do Christian Surfers do uniquely in our oceans, than say an agnostic wave-rider?”

I was unable to come to any logical conclusion, apart from one.

Snobbishness.

Christian Christians not only saw themselves as ‘different’, but more over ‘better’ than their peers.

This wasn’t a bonding exercise of ‘like minded individuals’, this was purely an exercise in aloof, ostentatious-ness using religion as the great justifier.

It was their mission to tell other surfers ‘we are right’ and ‘you are wrong’.

Irrespective of their motives, one wonders where this Kiwi sporting sectarianism will end & what ridiculous lengths will Christians go to, to separate themselves from ‘the great unwashed’ masses, doomed to burn in hells eternal fires?

Will this go from the sublime to the ridiculous, and we’ll end-up in New Zealand with ‘Snowboarders for Christ’?

Actually the answer on this is “yes”, and here happens to be their web-site.

No don’t tell me, there’s also an ‘Athletes for Christ’?

Tick that box as well.

It also looks like Christian Motorcyclists want to shun other bikers as well.

Then of course there’s Christian Football Association, where Christian teams play exclusively Christian teams, in their own little micro-tournament, minus all those evil atheists and followers of other Gods.

You’d like to think FIFA would ban competitions based expressly on ones religious beliefs?

The ‘them & us’ list of separatist sporting associations goes on.

So where will this move by Christians to segregate themselves from mainstream sport end?

Christian Table Tennis Association?

Underwater Hockey Players for Christ?

In any country sport, has unique the potential to unite peoples of different races, social strata & religious beliefs or lack of them.

For example the junior football team I coach, we have Muslims, Buddhists, South Africans, English, Saudi, Thai and even the odd Kiwi to fill the ranks. A true multi-cultural team where everyone is united in a common cause.

Conversely sport also has the potential to divide, and sadly for New Zealand Society, this ‘divisive road’ is the one taken by hard-line Christians in our country.

Rejoice: Jesus Died so your Donut could Live!

Welcome to the wacky world of Christian Children’s Television.

All we needed was Barney the Dinosaur some-where on the set, reverting to his flesh-eating instincts, to top off this warped offering.

Fittingly all the moronic children are donning aprons that say 'TOOLS' in big letters.

Wait for the spooky “shedding of blood” (1:30) attempt at humour, which is meet by rapturous laughter by the adolescent actors.

The square-dancing drill about Second Corinthians 5:17, takes the bizarre to a new level.

Ghastly but funny as hell (as an atheist I’m qualified to talk about hell)

But wait there's more!

And sadly no Ginsu knife, either.

Be prepared to lose the will to live!

Priest labeled a hero after pulling a man from a burning-car.

I’m a stipler for manners with my children.

They are taught manners, to respect their elders, to admire achievers in society and ignore the knockers – above all ‘make their own decisions’ in life.


The other day as I passed my local church on the way to the pool, I got to wondering, why is it a priest or any other man of God, deserves anymore adulation than say a school-teacher, or for that matter a rubbish collector?

For the record, my first job was the later.

So, why should anyone give respect to a ‘man of the cloth’?

We don’t see people postulate in front of school-teachers do we?

Businessmen normally, don’t beg for mercy amongst their peers.

The vast majority of the public respect police-staff, but when you analyse their anointed positions, a policeman is merely a civilian with more rights.

Police in this country often have to put themselves at risk.

Just last month one constable was labeled a hero for dragging two people from a burning-car, under high-risk of injury and even death.

We don’t see teachers or any other professionals as free physiologists – but, apparently priests and ministers of the cloth are automatically qualified to act in this fashion?

Given these individuals have no more powers than a witch-doctor, and by & large less life-experiences than your generic bone-thrower or entrail reader – they are frankly far less deserving of any adulation based on merit, than say a fireman.

So when someone dies, do we go looking for answers from say a fireman?

Does The Head of The Fire Brigade issue a statement on sex-education in school?

Who gives a minister, pastor etc the right to not just hear peoples ‘issues’, but to treat them as if they were qualified to perform this duty?

From a believers perspective, is there any evidence a priest/minister/pastor/mullah etc has ‘magic’ that is some-how stronger than any other person, who can pray & believes in suppositious intervention?

I for one fail to see why normally intelligent people, ‘go weak at the knees’ in the company of ‘men of the cloth’ – it’s cringe worthy and pathetic in the extreme.

Adults acting like 13 year old girls at a Boy-Band Concert.

It’s a public admission that person is weak and easily lead.

Anyone who thinks a minister of the church is by rights worthy of umbrage - suffers some sort of character-flaw or is brainwashed.

Wake-up!

These ‘men of the cloth’ are not worthy of any social status, yet our papers are full of their demands every-time they feel they have been aggrieved by secular life.

Ministers/Priests/Mullahs/Bishops/Pastors etc are all leeches, who hide behind the broad-brush term ‘respect’ as some sort of automatic shield against criticism.

Despite the fact they serve no real function in modern-society – some-how we should all respect them - believers and un-believers alike.

These bludgers exploit on the benevolence of the week-willed and gullible.

They are added by a tax-system which gives them historic privileges that are demeaning to anyone with a grasp of reality.

It’s time they got a real job.

Sex Education for 10 Year-Olds is a Good-Thing

It is irrefutable, children are maturing younger than ever.

Coupled with this, today’s children often have access to the internet, social networking-sites, cell-phones etc exposing them to subject-matter & concepts, which were once the preserve of adults only.

Whilst it is fair to say ‘one size does not fit all’, it is also necessary to educate younger and younger children ‘the facts of life’.

The Sexuality Road, is a new resource for teachers of late-primary and intermediate-age children, being launched by Family Planning in New Zealand.

Part of the resource is not just the ‘birds and bees’, but also other relevancies, like protecting yourself from cyber deviates, as opposed to the traditional ones with boiled-lollies.

Teaching Kiwi 10 year olds about sex, has drawn condemnation from the predictable quarters.

Family First and The Catholic Church.

The national-spokesperson for Family First, Bob McCoskrie, is one of only a small minority of New Zealanders, ignorant enough to believe the third planet from the sun is 6,000 years old.

Why the fuck news-agencies would give him and his small group of Biblical literal-translators, any coverage what-so-ever is beyond me?

What credibility does a group which wants the rest of society to believe in unicorns, giants, six-day creation of the planet, 900 year old men etc, when it comes to educating children in the year 2009?

Now to the arch-revisionists, The Catholic Church, and their stand on sex-education.

Has no-one pointed-out the age-of-consent in The Vatican City is just 12 years-old? Therefore to start-with The New Zealand Catholic Church, would be better directing its moral outrage towards head-office in Rome rather than N.Z’s Family Planning Service.

Family Planning, have never attempted to legitimise 12 year-olds having sex – The Pope has! Kids screwing kids is going-on under The Vaticans own roof!

Reading between the lines, perhaps there is another underlying reason, why The Catholic clergy would be up-set New Zealand children are maturing so quickly, and getting ‘boundaries’ established?

Curse those secular liberals for teaching Catholic children, sucking Father Patrick’s willy, isn’t normal behaviour.

Far better Catholic children are kept ignorant, for as long as possible, and in awe of the superstitious clap-trap, than coming to grips with modern-society & all its foibles.

Faced with a changing-world and social environment, both these ‘flat-earth’ groups show just how ignorant they are as to the realities of growing-up today.

The Family Party finishes a sorry second at N.Z's Political Special Olympics.

It was the narrowest of finishes in the weekends Mount Albert By-Election.

But once the rhetoric had died-down, the people spoke via the ballot box & the numbers were there in black & white, for all to see - if they so cared to.

There could only be one winner in the battle between the forces lined-up on the sides of ‘good’, and those of ‘evil’.

New Zealand’s very-own Political Special Olympics.

The Christian ‘Family Party’, could garnish a paltry 71 votes.

The Aoteoroa Legalise Cannabis Party, managed little better, with 73 votes.

So ‘by a nose’ it was the Dope Smokers over the God Fearers.

Now, if only the motley-crew behind the impotent Family Party, would learn from these continued electoral drubbings - they would not only save themselves more embarrassment, but also stop wasting their time & money, to finish a sorry second to a bunch of giggling pot-heads, who’s major publicity stunt in the by-election, was the televised arrest of their candidate (refer You-Tube video)

The ill-conceived Family Party, remains the political equivalent of a two-headed illegitimate love-child.

The mutated off-spring, resulting from a back-street abortion - gone wrong!

Let’s not forget that even 'the parents' rejected The Family Party at birth.

Why does it take a heathen like me to point-out the bleeding obvious to the zealots remaining to the bitter-end, in the The Family Parties concrete bunker, deep beneath Brian Tamiki's mansion?

Can’t they see for themselves, their invisible magic sky-monkey has long-since forsaken their cause?

Strange Creatures from Inner Space

Watch this fascinating footage, from the BBC series ‘The Blue Planet’ and be amazed!

Just utterly mind-blowing, we share the same planet as sci-fi creatures of this nature.

Be sure to watch it again.

It’s just as cool, the second time.

Behold The Scary Washing Machine!

Kiwi’s are amusing ourselves, over the on-line auction of one ‘Scary Washing-Machine’.

So far the auction has received over ½ million viewers on Trade Me (New Zealand’s equivalent of ebay) Not bad, for a population of 4 million.

If you get scared easily, or suffering from some heart complaint, I recommend you go no further, and avert your eyes.

So here it is:


The description of the machine/auction is below, so you can better get an idea of what all the fuss is all about.

Personally I find ALL washing-machines scary, possessed by spirits of plant-eating dinosaurs or not, best left for those of gentler dispositions.

Rumour has it, Stephen King is one of the bidders.

Be prepared to piss-yourself laughing!

Scary washing machine. No really, its terrifying!

"Kelvinator Salvation"

Old mid 80's Fisher and Paykel top loader.Goes like a rocket!

By 'goes like a rocket' I actually mean that literally.It actually shakes the house.It's the loudest most violent sounding washing machine I have ever encountered. It makes guests scared and children cry. I've lived with it like that for almost a year and it still scares me.Once while washing a load of towells it got a bit out of balance and it got so out of control for a minute that I swear I actually saw a porthole to another dimension open above it just for a second, there were dinosaurs on the otherside and they looked scared too, it almost sucked me in but I held onto for my life to the deepfreeze. It sucked my shoes and pants off though and it got the iron as well which pissed me off because it was quite a good one. Luckily it sucked it's own power cord out of the wall and stopped before the whole house went in.I drew a picture of the dinosaurs i saw incase people didn't believe me, they are partly red because my green felt ran out half way through.I think it would be good to paint it matt black and put steel spikes all over it and draw demons on the front, however I have added an image of another possible customization option for people who like horses.On heavy duty spin cycle it sort of sounds a bit like the tortured howls of 1000 undead writhing in the sulphury pits of hell mixed with a train with carriages full of scrap iron sliding down the road with no wheels, on fire, into a bell factory.Thankfully it's bite is not as bad as it's bark. It washes fine, completes cycles, does everything it's supposed to.It leaks a bit when it's running, always has.Its a bit grubby, could do with a wipe down, I refuse to touch it because I'm still getting over the whole dinosaur scare thing.If your in a fix and need a cheap washing machine and are either completely deaf or hate your neighbours this baby is for you.$1 reserve, pick up only, Waterview Auckland.Selling to pay for my counseling.

Women in The Bible

More evidence of a Pedophilia Pandemic

Yet, again we see evidence of just how endemic, sexual abuse is within the Catholic clergy.

We all get to see the global natural, of this pandemic, one which goes untreated, because like a noxious weed – unless you destroy the roots, it will grow back.

In Melbourne last week, ex Catholic Priest, Desmond Gannon (sicko, is pictured above) was jailed for indecent assault, on an 11 year old boy.

This was the fifth time, he has been prosecuted for such abuse.

Like most other cases that find their way to court, Father Gannon refused to admit guilt, and in a galling attempt to avoid justice described the events of his perversion as “giving the boy an anatomy lesson”.

In another indictment of the sordid and callous nature of the moral-pestilence overseen by Rome, Gannon wanted the court to know “I won’t say it was sexual abuse, because at the time I didn’t know what sexual abuse was”.

The judge in the case, damned the serial abuser for his lack of remorse saying “You display a turpitude of character that borders on the scandalous, and is offensive to morality and the law”.

As we see in case after case around the world, it is left to the judiciary and police to act to protect children from serial-pedophiles like Desmond Gannon, whilst the very organisation that spawned and cultivated their deviancy, abdicates responsibility.

Not only did The Catholic Church in Australia, avoid responsibility in this case, they went to great lengths to ensure Father Gannon, kept his vow of silence.

Fearing an admission of guilt and contrition, would result in compensation, Gannon kept his code of silence.

Being a good-Catholic, Father Desmond Gannon wasn’t going to break the Church of Rome’s own ‘omerta’.

The reward for his loyalty, and silence, will be a church-sponsored retirement village.

A long black, window-tinted limo will be there to drive him away from the prison gates.

Catholics by and large, don't see any problem with any of this.

Swine-Flu Contaminated Church-goers deliberately ignore warnings

Health Officials in Christchurch, had their pleas, deliberately ignored yesterday.

Rather than stay at home, in isolation, some of the small number of confirmed local carriers, amongst the Samoan community, choose instead, to attend Church.

This utter contempt, for the community as a whole, amongst some religious attendees, also looks to be an on-going issue.

As the Canterbury Medical Officer of Health, Alistair Humphrey, frames it “members of the community had a stronger desire to attend church, when they were feeling unwell”.

With this naive mind-set pervading parishioners, surely it was in the greater communities benefit as a whole, to simply close- down the ‘unnamed’ Church in question, until it was cleared?

Let’s not forget class attendance by a relative of one of these parishioners, resulted in the same authorities closing a class at Burnside High School.

So whilst the Canterbury Health Department feels it is compelled to act in a draconian fashion, when it comes to schools – it is reluctant to tackle exactly the same issue, of mass-contamination, in a religious setting.

Rather than up-set a small number of ignorant carriers of swine flu, who believe in Gods power to heal over that of modern medicine, the local Health Authorities, are happy putting at risk the health and economy of the entire population.

Like the school-class at Burnside High, the Samoan Church currently floating health warnings, should also be closed.

When the Cure is worse that the Disease:‘The 1976 Swine-Flu Pandemic’

What is now called Swine-Flu, or derivatives of the influenza C strain, have been identified since mankind developed the science to locate, and classify the infection.

The first major identified Pig-Flu/Swine-Flu/Influenza, outbreak or pandemic, was in 1918, and the last-one was in 1976.

Faced with a pandemic in the seventies, authorities in the US choose to vaccinate the population (refer photo).

Now here’s the rub, today’s lesson from history, before you go running to the doctor, or getting your kids jabbed.

The vaccine the U.S Government administered, when immunising almost a third of the population in 1976, produced tragic side-effect in certain individuals.

This was a rare pulmonary sydrome called Guillain-Barré (GBS for short)

Complications from GBS resulted in 25 deaths.

The tally of confirmed deaths from the Swine Flu itself was: one.

The single individual who fell victim to the flu, was the U.S Soldier that sparked the pandemic in the first place!

10 Celebrities you would most want to see come back from the Dead.

The British newspaper ‘The Daily Telegraph’ has surveyed its readership, to ascertain their choices, as to celebrities they’d like to see make it back from the grave.

What a sad bunch, they proved to be, as evidenced by this list:

1.) Jesus Christ.
2.) Princess Diana
3.) William Shakespeare.
4.) Albert Einstein.
5.) Marilyn Monroe.
6.) Leonardo da Vinci.
7.) Elvis Presley.
8.) Roald Dahl.
9.) Freddie Mercury.
10.) Martin Luther King

Naturally, believers in Christianity drove Jesus Christ into poll position, which is ironic.

I thought Jesus Christ was already a ‘living’ God??

Whilst his physical manifestation, was not available for mankind to view, he exists non-the-less.

An invisible Jesus was just as potent, as one reading tonight’s television news?

Moving from this quandary, it’s apparent to me, at least, where humanities priorities sadly currently sit, in an age of television and MTV.

Fuck me, a royal play-bunny, slapper extraordinaire, Princess Diana, is ahead of the greatest scientist the world has ever seen?!

And to keep Diana company whilst on the night-club circuit and bonking her way through the echelons of upper class society, she’ll be in good company with Marilyn Monroe.

Still I guess, the editors of women’s magazines will be salivating at the prospect of even a zombie Diana and Marilyn, gracing their pages again.

And why is it we can’t we get by with Elvis impersonators any-more? They are normally way better than, that wallowing whale Presley, was in his later-years.

Freddie fucking Mercury – please, get a life!

So here’s my list of, the 10 to reenact Lazarus, and since it’s my list, it is of course the bench-mark for all other lists to follow.

In no particular order, and strictly off-the-top of my head.

1.) Einstein
2.) Charles Darwin
3.) Issac Newton
4.) Archimedes
5.) Aristotle
6.) William Shakespeare
7.) Beethoven
8.) Da Vinci
9.) Galileo
10.) My Dad and my first dog.

Footnote: If I was being a self-indulgent prick, I would have also included some spots for Frank Zappa, Ian Curtis and selected Ramones.

So use the comments section, to list your own ‘10 Famous Zombies on Tour’.

I’ll let this one go a couple of days, so we can get some consensus, based on intellect & humanitarian reasons, rather than, the number one hits and the size of ones tits.

Worlds Oldest Dildo Discovered!

Here it is ladies and gentlemen….the world’s oldest known dildo.

Discovered in a Germany cave, its about 28,000 years old, which means it was hidden under the bear-skinned bed, of some Ice-Age babe, where the kids wouldn’t find-it.

At 20 centimetres long, this may be prove to be the crucial ‘missing link’ for proponents of the theory, men’s penis’s are in-fact shrinking.

Damn evolution!

It also gives new credence to the term ‘hard as rock’.

Jesus had a Big Cock!

Bizarre as it sounds, The Holy Prepuce, or Holy Foreskin was, purportedly saved & preserved by a Jewish woman, when Jesus Christ, was eight days old.

I joke you not, there are folk that take this stuff seriously.

One presumes, this unnamed Jewish woman, must have possessed psychic-powers, in order to recognise a Messiah brat, from all the other week-old new-born, and cognate the importance of flogging his foreskin and preserving-it, for posterity.

In a stunning historic oversight and quirk, Christian devotees at the time, thought a bit of Jesus Christ’s penis was a more significant relic to preserve, than say a single word of his writing , or description of his appearance?!

To further demean Christian historians and show what a bunch of oddballs these disciples were, they managed to mummify all-important body-parts of their God-Man, like the foreskin, yet failed to leave us a legacy like a painting or a sculpture.

Bumbling Christian historians, recorded Jesus’s foreskin was removed, eight-days after he was born - but forgot to note down the actual date of the birth itself!

As the story goes, and in another lucky coincidence for Christians, the enterprising intuitive Jewish old-duck, had a son who was a chemist, and it was him who was able to embalm part of Jesus’s cock, for Christians to worship-over, centuries later.

In another twist, evidently Jesus had a big cock.

From the share number of his foreskins floating around Europe, John Holmes himself, would have blushed at it’s size.

So would a mature male rhinoceros.

There happens to be portion of JC’s foreskin in Rome, Antwerp, Besancon, Newport, Metz, Coulombs, Heldesheim, Charroux, Langres, Fecamp, and Stoke-on-Trent of all places.

There’s two Church's in Auvergre, France alone, with claims on a bit of JC’s cock.

Eighteen places in total, where it’s preserved as a true holy relic.

Weird but true.

Goes with the territory.

Willowbank Wildlife Reserve Frees its last Prisoners

The South Island's only two chimpanzees, will jet off today for their new home in Australia.

But, this is no journey of freedom for Charlie (pictured above, looking a bundle of joy) and Samantha, both imprisoned at Willowbank Wildlife Reserve since 1985.

They are merely swapping the bars and cages of Christchurch, for the bars and cages of Mogo Zoo, in New South Wales.

The arrogant hairless monkeys of Australia, can take their turn demeaning them, athromorphising their characteristics.

Watching them play, eat, fight and fuck.

English-speaking Australian chimps, can continue to employ the wanky names, Charlie and Samantha, their antipodean brothers branded them with.

Not happy with destroying their habitat, slaughtering chimpanzees and great-apes in the wild, the talking bipedal chimps see it as their right to enslave their closest relatives as well.

Charles and Samantha, may well possess the same IQ as a 3 to 4 year old human-chimp, but none of their rights.

Why not be done with completing the dissent of man, by stripping naked some individuals with downs- syndrome, and placing them in a zoo, for our titillation?

Let’s have some Alzheimer’s sufferers as the front-people, on adverts for breakfast-tea.

But until chimpanzees get these things called souls, like their fellow hominidae, who just happen to make the rules on the planet - the hairy chimps are doomed to be treated like shit.

After-all it’s our God-given right.

Jesus was an Ugly Black-Man!

This is one of the widely portrayed depictions of Jesus Christ.

Everyone agrees, these pictures & statues etc of Jesus, all have a very stereotypical look to them.

Uniformly, it’s one of a tall, handsome, bearded, eastern European looking male, in his mid to late-twenties.

So what does The Bible (the only contemporary historical reference point we have at all for a Jesus of Nazareth) say about the appearance of this messiah bloke?

What biblical-record is there, taken from the thousands of witness’s that allegedly meet him?

The disciples in particular, must have had something to say on how Jesus looked?

Things like his height, the colour of his hair, his skin, facial hair etc?

“He had no beauty or majesty to attract us to Him, nothing in His appearance that we should desire Him” (Isaiah 53:2-5)

That’s it.

That’s the total of the information, believers have to go-on, in respect to what Jesus looked like.

Yet, all these millions of depictions we observe, in every-church around the globe, all look so strikingly similar?

Like much of Christian history versus Christian rhetoric – what you see depicted as Jesus hanging from crosses, in books, on the internet etc – is merely propaganda.

Share fiction, masquerading as fact.

Christianity has its ecumenical roots in Europe, not the middle-east.

These depictions of Jesus are constructed in the minds of Europeans, to extract monies from a European audience.

Rome knew when they started selling Christianity, they needed to present Jesus as looking like ‘one of them’.

There was no way they could market their chosen God, as a dark-skinned, dark-eyed Arab – even though that was most like scenario, given where he was born, and his mothers origins.

To paint Jesus as a Jew, or an Arab, in appearance, would have been an exact representation of their avowed theist enemies.

Even centuries later, those that run the varying Christian sects, know the concept of a dark-skinned Christian messiah – is unpalatable to their audience.

So they continue their advertising campaign with the lily-white, tall handsome ‘he-man’ we see today.

The one mere slither of Biblical record Christians have on the appearance of Jesus, being he was no looker, is completely ignored by virtually all, who depict him.

Goebbels was right, when he said a big lie will gradually become indistinguishable from the truth, and all the more believable, over time.

Perhaps Herr Goebbels was looking at the false characture of Jesus Christ, when he worked that one out?

Yet another,Atheist Motivational Poster

Its Birds and Booze for the new Lama!

24-year-old Spainard Osel Hita Torres – made international headlines back in 1985, when, aged five months, he was “recognised” (this process is worth a dissertation in itself ) as the “reincarnation” of Lama Thubten Yeshe, who shuffled off this mortal coil back in 1984.

Hand-picked by the Dalai Lama (refer above photo, taken from his childhood), he was put on a gold throne and worshipped by monks, who literally venerated him as a god.

Well it appears the austere, sacred life, holed-up in a monastery in Northern Indian, was not for Osel.

Much to the embarrassment and consternation amongst Buddhists, their ‘living-God’ is now back in Spain, doing the nightclub circuit, getting pissed, and getting laid.

Apparently he also enjoys football as well (with a surname Torres, it’s hardly a surprise)

The Spanish Football Premier League, is known as the La Liga.

In view of the subject matter, I have re-named ‘The Osel Hita Torres Spanish League-Table’, as ‘The La Liquor’ or ‘La Lick-Her’

Currently The La Liquor/La Lick-Her 'Table' reads:

1st ; Pussy
2nd: Beer and hard liquor
3rd: Football
4th: Being a living-God to millions of devotees

First Atheist Burkha Unveiled

Christian Al-Qaeda Rejoice at Murder

What a sick bunch of f*cks, these so-called ‘pro-lifers’ are.

Sycophantic, hypocrites, that believe their own cause, justifies murder, bombings, threats and intimidation etc.

They are nothing but, Christian Al-Qaeda.

The murderer of Doctor George Tiller, will little doubt become another martyr for their cause.

It’s about time we all woke-up and saw pro-lifers, for who they are - terrorists in our midst.

Terrorists with Bibles, rather than Korans.

Narrow-minded, fanatics bent-on appeasing their God, even if it means murder.

Menace to society, spitting their venomous bile in the face of the democratic process.

When democracy fails their cause, without exception, anti-abortionists resort to fear and intimidation.

They murder, where necessary as part of their Jihad, and rejoice at the blood-letting.

Atheist Countries Top Global Peace Index – New Zealand Comes # 1

The Global Peace Index annually rates countries against a set of criteria, including commitment to UN peace keeping, crime levels, political stability, and respect for human rights etc.

Their latest Global Peace Rankings are out, and yet again provide damning evidence, that it’s the Atheistic/Secular countries, we have most to admire.

Conversely, it’s the God-Fearing nations that are the most warlike, cared less for human-rights etc, and came-out bottom of the table.

Here, you have a look.

Join Family Fist Today!

Family Fist, is concerned about the breakdown in community standards in New Zealand, discriminating against anyone who is not heterosexual, married in a church, or enjoys sex.

Unlike our namesakes, Family Fist, is proud to say, we are a Christian organisation, fighting for the principals outlined in The Bible.

We are big-on Slavery and Polygamy.

New Zealand is a country founded on these principals of Christianity, and this heritage is being threatened by liberals, socialists & atheists.

Boy, I’d love to see their faces when they get to hell.

Don’t start us, when it comes-to Muslims, they’ll burn for eternity as well.

New Zealanders need a voice, when it comes, to maintaining ordained Old Testament values, like parents beating children with rods, or what-ever you can lay your hands-on, when you get in a rage with your two year old.

If the thought of two men-kissing or Helen Clark turns-your-guts…..Family Fist is for you!

Join Family Fist today and receive a King James copy of The Bible at no extra cost!

But wait there’s more!

All new members go in a draw for a trip for two to Israel, as part of our ‘End-Times’ Tour!

Christian Anti-Abortion Terrorists Kill Again – New Zealand Next?

Before we get to the latest murder making headlines, let’s take the liberty of profiling some of the other murders, anti-abortionists have undertaken in the name of their cause.

You’ll notice, the perpetrators of the crimes, hold one ideal, close to their hearts.

That’s the united belief they are on a mission, ordained by God.

If that modus-operandi, sounds strangely familiar – try thinking about planes crashing into buildings.

Indeed, such is the depth of hatred amongst and outright venom, amongst anti-abortionists here in New Zealand – they are lording this latest murder, as ‘justifiable’.

Just like the Islamic Terrorists, anti-abortionists are able to twist pervert their own Christian beliefs, to justify indiscriminate violence and murder.

1993: Florida, Doctor David Gunn, murdered by member of Operation Rescue.

1994: Dr. John Britton and James Barrett, a clinic escort, were both shot to death outside of another facility in Pensacola, by Reverend Paul Jennings Hill. The good reverend was executed.

1994: Two receptionists Shannon Lowney and Lee Ann Nichols, were killed in two clinic attacks in Massachusetts. John Salvi, with links to Human Life International confessed to the murders, but committed suicide, prior to trial.

1998: Robert Sanderson, an off-duty police officers, who moon-lighted as a security guard at an abortion clinic in Birmingham, Alabama, was killed when his workplace was
bombed, by Eric Rudolf (infamous for The Atalanta Games bombings) Had links to a shadowy Christian group called The Army of God. Rudolfs crusade also involved bombing a lesbian bar.

1998: Dr. Barnett Slepian was shot to death at his home in New York. His killer, who was a member of The Lambs of Christ, fled to France where he was captured and returned to U.S for trial and imprisonment.

Now, these are just the known murders.

There are a number of unsolved cases where anti-abortion Doctors were killed, and where no one claimed responsibility & the guilty parties were never tracked-down.

These North American attacks go back to 1984, when an abortion clinic and two physicians' offices in Florida were bombed in the early morning of Christmas Day by a quartet of young people (Matt Goldsby, Jimmy Simmons, Kathy Simmons, Kaye Wiggins) who later called the bombings "a gift to Jesus on his birthday”.

2000, saw a Catholic priest drive his car into the Northern Illinois Health Clinic after learning that the FDA had approved the drug RU-486. He pulled out an ax before being shot at by a security guard.

In 2001, The Planned Parenthood Federation of America, receives a powdery substance at 90 of its facilities, from a group calling itself the Army of God. Samples taken later tested negative for Anthrax.

The list of this reign of anti-abortion terrorism is extensive, and damning.

And before you say “this is just an American phenomenon” – think again.

In 2002 a security-guard at a Melbourne abortion clinic was shot in the face, and killed by a pro-life activist.

The wife of my own Doctor, herself a part-time physician at a clinic here in Christchurch, has received treats.

So the anti-abortion movement’s, radical and dangerous under-belly, operates in every western country.

Mark my words – it will only be a matter of time till we see our own terror attacks here in New Zealand.

We will soon see our own Dr George Tiller.

In fact we are overdue home-grown terrorism of this kind, given the share venom you see on Kiwi ‘pro-life’ blogs, rejoicing at the murder of Dr Tiller.

Footnote: The first manifestation of Marilyn Manson, wrote & dedicated the following song to Dr David Gunn, the first person to die at the hands of Christian Anti-Abortion Terrorists.

Christchurch Skeptics in a Pub (their natural habitat)

What could be better, eh?

Un-superstitious Cantabrians mixing beer, with intellectual debate.

What do you mean -beer, intellectual debate, and the chicks in the poster, would be better?

As well as the reformed original line-up of Ultravox, playing a 2 hour impromptu concert in the same pub?

Christopher Hitchens, pops-in for a quiet-one?

Alright then, you got me.

This is up there, though.

The inaugural meeting of Christchurch Skeptics in a Pub, is a little over a week away.

Date: Monday 6th June

Venue: The Twisted Hop in Polar Lane

Kick-Off Time: 6 O’Clock

All the other gossip, on this fledgling group, can be found HERE, at their meet-up site.

Pope meets former British Prime Minister

A Prophecy Each Day, Keeps the Straight-Jacket Away

With the advancement of ready to use web-building tools and off the shelf templates, it’s now a doddle for the masses, untrained in the complexities of html, to knock-up a fairly presentable web site.

Many of the early attempts at ‘do it yourself’ site building have also been long since deleted, and the makers of honest, but primitive attempts, left as amusing memories & anecdotes.

It’s very rare these days therefore to come across a crappy site, one so that’s so awful - it’s good.

Fittingly let’s list the attributes of a web-site I’m referring to.

The sites only a mother could love.

- Articles that make visitors question the sanity of the site creator
- A miss-match of random articles, cut & pasted on every page
- A site that is impossible to navigate
- Corny & often blurry photos

The New Zealand site, Prophecy of The Day, is therefore a ghastly gem to behold, seemingly a survivor from a more primitive time.

The internet equivalent of a pair of genuine bell-bottoms (worn by a follower of Charles Manson)
The site is big on quotes, some biblical in origin, the one that greeted me was: ‘Many experience being sucked-in by men of god, then hooked on sowing a seed’. Yes, it does require more than one take, and even then it’s hard to fathom exactly what David Taylor, the sites creator, is on about here (there, and everywhere-else for that matter)

That’s until you read his introduction, which kind of makes sense, in a Donnie Darko sort of fashion.

For your reading pleasure the introduction……

“In January 2003 I began preaching at the entrance to a shopping mall in Levin, New Zealand. Toward the end of the year I felt spiritually exercised to write prophecies. Each morning I would write a prophecy which I would read out in Levin. Sometimes I would have up to three to read during one preaching session as time and opportunity prevented me traveling the 52 km return journey every day to the shopping mall. After 93 or 94 had been written the inspiration began to wane and so after 100 had been completed I stopped writing. But I continued to preach and read an occasional prophecy. In all 100 were written and it is mostly these that are placed on the website. Some of the prophecies are new. That is they were written as I felt so directed. Each prophecy is sited at the end of each article. Some articles may have more than one prophecy included”

May be this statement is referring to this unfocused and somewhat provocative photo I saw on the home page?

‘Free speech let the eagles screech’ is another of the bemusing little ditties that appear on every page.

It’s also clear this site serves to release some of the frustrations Mr Taylor is having with staff at Work & Income (New Zealand’s equivalent of Social Welfare)

In the most un-christian tones he get’s stuck-into the department.

“I'll cancel this wanker's disability allowances and supplements without a change of circumstances”.

And it appears Mr David Taylor’s malicious treatment at the hands of welfare agencies is not just confined to Work & Income.

“The Ministry of Social Development seems never to run out of ways to bring frustration, paucity, and unhappiness to chronically ill individual's who through no fault of their own are disabled. As a result they are further disadvantaged in this high powered society in which it's politicians are concerned primarily with ensuring big business prospers, and at the same time employs devious means to deny its sick and disabled citizens their legislative entitlements”

This conspiracy, or what Mr Taylor calls ‘tricky-dickey stuff’, continues, verbatim.

Then there are the thinly guised threats ,to said welfare staff.

"Micheal the Archangel is watching the mob".

Sleepless nights ahead, for some cowing public-servants, one thinks, awaiting the lords hit-man with wings.

And what about the connection between poverty, witchcraft, and the rapid growth of churches preaching an alluring mixture of Christianity and traditional African beliefs in Angola?

I mean who hasn’t asked themselves about the link between exorcisms and the warring factions in Angola. Just last night it was the lead story on BBC.

Yes, this site is a true treasure trove of the bizarre, but don’t let me spoil all the fun.

As you trawl-about, try counting the times, the words deceive(d) are employed.

Here you have a look.

Prophecy of the Day.

PS: David Taylor, mentions somewhere, his wife Sherlyl ,suffers ‘resinual schizophrenia’. What he meant to say was ‘residual schizophrenia’ – which is when an individual loses the will to live. Hmm, I wonder what could have brought those symptoms, on?