New Zealand Politician Watches Porn-Movie…..Wop De Fuck!

Wow what a massive and shocking revelation: a New Zealand man has actually been found looking at pornographic movies!

Next they'll be saying males like sport.

The individual that has been ‘outed’ enjoying porn is current opposition politician, former Cabinet Minister and father of seven, Shane Jones.

Pandering to what he perceives as adverse public opinion a guilt-ridden Jones had dubbed his exposure as "Shane's day of great shame."

“Earth to Shane”… “Earth to New Zealand”

Every New Zealand adult-male, with normal testosterone levels, is sexually stimulated looking at pornography - so wop-de-fuck this male happens to inhabit Parliament.

It is not necessary for any male/female to apologise for exhibiting entirely normal behaviour.

Instead of taking a defensive position Jones would be better to have simply turned-on the throng of journalists latched to his jugular and thrown it back in their hypocritical faces with a statement along the lines “I like looking at porn – don’t you?”

Jones should have gone on the offensive and not pandered to the glib, duplicitous calls for his resignation.

Rather than being embarrassed he should have said “Sorry I don’t see a problem with an adult like myself watching a pornographic movie.”

In doing so he would have the support of the majority of Kiwi’s, who like me, enjoy watching porn and aren't afraid to say so.

Bat Blow-Jobs

What you are watching here is Bat Sex.

Fruit bats at it!

Getting down and dirty and re-writing The Kama Sutra.

It’s fairly unique in nature and something you’ll never see in any mere mortal porn movie (trust me on this, I’ve spent at least a decade of my life looking at porn) when the male bat copulates ‘doggy-style’ the female bat contorts herself backwards and licks his penis at the same time!

Aren’t God’s creatures wonderful and such randy-little-bastards when they want to get their jollies-off!?

Worlds Oldest Dildo Discovered!

Here it is ladies and gentlemen….the world’s oldest known dildo.

Discovered in a Germany cave, its about 28,000 years old, which means it was hidden under the bear-skinned bed, of some Ice-Age babe, where the kids wouldn’t find-it.

At 20 centimetres long, this may be prove to be the crucial ‘missing link’ for proponents of the theory, men’s penis’s are in-fact shrinking.

Damn evolution!

It also gives new credence to the term ‘hard as rock’.

Catholic Church Want Adult-Toy Billboard Banned.

Well boo-hoo, wop de f*ck, a Wellington billboard has upset the hierarchy of the Catholic Church, who want it down.

On the billboard advertisement for D.Vice designer sex gear, four parishioners are pictured in a church.

Three have their eyes closed, hands clasped, praying but the fourth, a woman, is smiling and below her is a tagline describing a sexual aid and its price.

The firm's marketing spokesman, Rene Bros, said the campaign showed people thinking about sex while doing everyday tasks such as ironing, going to the bank or attending church.

The underlying question to ponder first and foremost is: what business is a billboard of this nature, to a bunch of celibate old men?

Let us not forget, and stand-proud as a nation, basking in the knowledge New Zealand women are amongst the largest consumers of love-toys per head in the world.

Nice ‘garden-variety’ Catholic housewives form a significant part of that market, and keep Union Carbide’s shareholders happy as well.

Bishop Dew and crew need to remind themselves, the products of their ‘good Catholic education’, employ the likes of ‘chocolate body paint’ or ‘naughty bunny vibrating ring’ (pictured above) to enhance their sex lives, and nothing he says will change this.

Whilst the hierarchy of The Catholic Church, have long since given-up on what to do with their reproductive organs – the rest of us Kiwi’s haven’t.

To have some modern-day self-imposed eunuch, like Bishop John Dew, telling Kiwi’s the rights and wrongs of sex is the equivalent of a teetotaler arguing the relative qualities of single malts.

Doesn’t this bunch of old codgers with dog-collars, know every-time they utter platitudes of this nature, most New Zealanders laugh and ridicule them?

Isn’t it high time the Catholic Church employed a sharp media liaison officer, to vet what comes out into the media from Catholic Inc, to prevent mass (get the pun) amusement of the kind we have here?

On the D.Vice site I found, what initially I thought would be the perfect gift for Bishop Dew, to while-away those lonely nights, in his single bed.

Here.

But then after a more thorough inspection of the web-site, I rescinded that suggestion.

I later found something else I felt was more appropriate, for a man of his ilk (and no it isn’t a blow-up choir boy).

Here.