New Zealand announces ‘Big Belly Day’. A world first, a day where Kiwis can acknowledge and reflect on that sad mental condition: Obesity.

I am at the point in my life I sometimes need glasses to read things.

Not all the time, at night mostly.

Being a miserable prick I have a pair of $5 glasses to assist where necessary.

In the mornings my eyesight is at its clearest.  

However this morning I had to focus three times to re-confirm the headlines in front of me on the computer screen: Third of Kiwis'need to kick food addiction'

WTF ‘Food is Addictive’?

Of cause it’s bloody addictive.

We’d all be dead if it wasn’t.

Evidently smoking, gambling and drug use are ‘so-90’s’ and grown unfashionable.

According to Christchurch-based Professor Doug Sellman the new battleground in human addictive products is the very thing that sustains us all.  

Food lures 1 in 3 humans into a destructive path, leading to health problems and premature death.  

Sellman even places the dangers of food alongside methamphetamines.

"Like people with methamphetamine, you don't get the shaking, but it's the craving, feeling deprived and really needing it. It's like they need those particular foods as if their lives depended on it. But they don't; they've got their wires crossed.”

“Like drug addictions, people addicted to food needed increasingly large ‘hits’ to get their daily fix.

"Even though they know it's bad for them they still just feel this drive to eat."

What a load of crap.

Firstly when he says these new-age addicts need ‘hits’: it is hits of Coke not water, pizza and not a salad.

They may-over eat but so do triathletes and our Olympic rowers etc. 

Then we need to place our lateral thing-caps on and ask…..

- Are there now signs affixed to the local bakery warning any fatty after a nocturnal  fix 'No Cream Buns Kept Here at Night'?

- Do we see obese people embezzling their relatives, work places to get more money to spend at ‘All you can Eat for $20’ Restaurants?

- Have you encountered large groups of dishevelled fat people hanging around KFC looking for scraps?

- Do fat people enter a life of prostitution so they can afford Belgium chocolates?    

- Do people live on the streets after wasting their lives away on Fish N’ Chips?

- Is the professor’s genomic affliction rare amongst the peoples of Sub Saharan Africa?  

In its base form: food is simply energy.

Humans need energy to live and function.

Some humans consume too much energy.

They become fat due to this excess energy.

Faced with this situation the over-weight then have two clear, accessible courses of action to normalise their weight (a.) consume less energy (b.) burn-off excess energy through exercise.

Obese people choose not to take these options of their own volition.

It is hard to get fit, re-focus oneself to show some self-control, change years of a life-style.  

It’s far, far easier to continue to blob out in the couch stuffing your gob with crap food.

What Professor Sellman is doing is allowing millions of Kiwi’s to abdicate self-responsibility.

Make them think it’s all down to their genes that made them obese and not years of poor health choices.  

Create an unwarranted victim mentality.

But it’s not that easy per Sellman, it’s actually not a physical craving.    

“it's exactly the same as drug and alcohol addiction. You just have this urge, even though you know you are not supposed to eat . . . and once you start you can't stop, you just keep eating and eating. It's not just a physical problem, it's mental."

Where I see ‘mental’ I read: weak-willed.  

When I see the the white-line in the middle of the road I know not to cross it. 

In the same article the spokeswoman for Overeaters Anonymous backed-up Sellmens claims, saying ‘food was irresistible’ as she ate her second sausage-roll for morning tea, washing it  down with a 1.5 of Pepsi.   

BTW I tried googling an Overeaters Anonymous group in Mogadishu but came-up short.    

And what is Sellman panacea to assist these poor folk in our midst who can’t be bothered going for a walk at night or resisting a second helping of desert, due to their brains being wired the wrong way?  

"The only effective way for an individual [to conquer their addiction] now is surgery”

Great let’s bankrupt the country.  

Let’s close down our cancer wards and have them full (pun intended) of far more deserving stomach-stapling patients.  

Poor things, I am in tears as I write this.

Being struck-down with debilitating disease like obesity that see’s victims sitting around watching hours of T.V and agonisingly forced to eat take-aways for breakfast, lunch and dinner must be share torture.     

Remarkably according to Sellman getting obese is in effect share torture and I am simply misinformed, an unsympathetic sod (the later is true)    

You and I should adopt the Professors sycophantic world view on obesity and therefore by rights come to the same conclusion as his research: 

Example 1: Mahe Drysdale (Single Skull Olympic Gold Medalist in London) will be 20 stone by this time next year with all the food his body craves.  

Example 2: Fat Kids are doomed to die prematurely, suffer ill-health unless they get a gastric bypass.     

Let’s therefore treat Professor Sellmans ascertains with the severity they pose and prioritise health care in New Zealand. Let Kiwi women give birth at home, on footpaths if necessary so that the mentally impinged obese can get the hospital treatment Sellman thinks they richly, as in the food they eat, deserve.

Sellman and Fatties Anonymous won’t rest until there’s street collectors on every corner chasing money for their worthwhile cause.  

An annual Fat-Belly Day!

A ten dollar donation will pay for one staple.

What a f#cking joke!

And we pay professionals to come-up with this contemptible load of horse droppings?!

The complete abdication of individual responsibility is now hoisted on to society as a whole.   

The vast majority of obese people are victims of their own actions, not their genes.   

Professor Sellman should pin the lyrics of this Tim Minchin song above his desk and recite them three times daily.    

   

Warning: Ignore this “Triangle of Life” Crap

EXTRACT FROM DOUG COPP'S ARTICLE ON THE: "TRIANGLE OF LIFE"

My name is Doug Copp. I am the Rescue Chief and Disaster Manager of the American Rescue Team International (ARTI), the world's most experienced rescue team. The information in this article will save lives in an earthquake.

This is the start of an e.mail headed 'Earthquake Advice' my household received by well-meaning friends, no less than 6 times, in the wake of the series of earthquakes that have descended (should that be ascended?) on our region of N.Z.

My wife has also helped its viral-spread by sending it to numerous folk in our own address book.

Yet, something about the advice Mr Copp provides in his “Triangle of Life” email didn’t ring true to me, based-on what I had known previously about how to survive an earthquake.

What is loosely called ‘The Duck and Cover Approach’

That’s to say if you are inside during an earthquake get under a sturdy desk, table or bed.

Even to this layman Copps ‘Triangle of Life’ clearly contained dubious & plain stupid stuff like get out of your car in the middle of an earthquake and lay down next to the vehicle as being safer than staying inside and to avoid using door-frames as protection.

It had all the hallmarks of a hoax and on closer inspection my suspicions were proven right.

I simply googled ‘Doug Copps Earthquake’ and was greeted with page after page of rebuttals.

Even Wikipedia had a own page dedicated to exposing Mr Copp’s controversial and mostly dis-proven theories, on how to survive a earthquake.

Go to: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Triangle_of_Life

In short anyone who took Copps advice at face-value and employed-it during a major earthquake, shunning the ‘Duck and Cover’ tactics, would be increasing their chances of being injured or killed.

Red Cross have continually lambasted Copps ‘Triangle of Life’ and are sick of having to re-iterate the basics of earth-quake survival in the western-world.

Exploring this subject further Mr Copp himself proved-to-be what could be politely termed ‘a colourful character’ or if one was less charitable ‘a nut-case.’

He was discovered making an erroneous claim to The September 11th Compensation Fund and exposed as an impostor at the Twin-Towers site and told to leave or be arrested.

Nearly every-time there is major earthquake around the globe the ubiquitous Copp turns-up – uninvited – and generally makes a nuisance of himself.

The team alluded to in the name ARTI is more than often just Copp on his lonesome with his own range of life-saving equipment.

Having failed to convince every credible search and rescue organisation on the planet about his ‘theories’ the prolific Copp resorts to self-promotion via gullible media outlets and the internet.

Thus most Cantabrians now have his potentially dangerous theories (in a literal term of the word) residing in their inbox.

Note: If you have received this ‘Triangle of Life’ email what-ever you do IGNORE IT and tell everyone you know “it’s a lot of crap” and revert back to what we were all first taught at school – get under a desk, door-frame etc.

When did The MythBusters and Disney-Channel become the same-thing?

MythBusters is an immensely popular programme in my household, amongst its joker (translation: male) population.

Where was way cool TV like this in my youth, eh?

But as I watched last nights episode I came to the realisation that despite its best intentions and topical ‘skeptical’ format - MythBusters is very much tabloid fodder – interesting, but strictly throw-away.

My balloon-burst when I came to the conclusion MythBusters never gets its teeth into the ‘good meaty stuff.’

There has been, and never will-be, episodes on homeopathy, chiropractors, The Mystical Order of Rosicrucian etc.

They will never explore the efficacy of say Vitamin C or St Johns Wart etc.

What about tackling the mammoth sized ‘myths’ that are passed-off by large sections of society as fact – like say Jesus’s resurrection and Muhammad's ascendancy to heaven?

If it is good enough to examine and dissemble elaborate You-Tube hoaxes, why not place the ‘blow-torch’ on a weird cult or say the ramblings of L. Ron Hubbard?

Absolute crap like this video from 'Indian Guru' Sri Chinmoy:

So a message to Adam and Jamie and those behind the programme: stop picking the comfortable middle-road and do some gutsy cutting-edge content or face losing your audience who grow-bored with the same PG content directed more at kids than adults.

Also last but not least, have a word to the crew in the wardrobe department and make sure that spunk Kari wears a lot more skimpy stuff in future. Pervs like me want more camera-shots of her like these:

North American Indian Tribe on a spiritual-mission to re-stock all of Canterbury’s Salmon!

About a hundred years-ago salmon were introduced to Canterbury from North America – to be exact they came from McCloud River in northern California – which has seen hard times lately due to damming, and now has low stocks of these fish.

Resultantly and not unsurprisingly, the native-American tribe from that area would like to see the descendents of the original quinnat-salmon back in the McCloud River.

A two-dozen strong delegation from The Winnemem Wintu tribe in California have just spent two weeks in Christchurch, four days and nights of which involved singing & dancing by the Rakaia River.

These ceremonies were an attempt to “re-establish the tribes relationship” with the fish.

Yes, members of the Winnemem Wintu tribe actually believe that their ceremony would re-home the stocks of N.Z salmon and they would ignore their genetic-programs & miraculously begin the 6,000 mile ocean-swim to California!

However well-intentioned this trip was it is clear to anyone with half-a-brain-cell the whole “spiritual journey” thing was always going to be a waste of time & money - some-thing to laugh about at the pub over a jug of beer.

But because of political correctness and the free-ride superstations of all kinds get in the local media – no one had the guts to starkly tell these folk “you are wasting your time.”

Instead we had to put-up with television reports which made the whole Red-Indian charade look like an episode from a nature-channel hosted by David Attenborough.

Local Fish & Game officers put aside common-sense and made fools of themselves by acting as guides.

Not one reporter in the media bothered to ask a fisheries biologist “what are the chances were of an entire population of salmon re-inventing enmasse their inbuilt migratory mechanisms instructing them to find their home ‘birth’ stream?” – because they knew damn well the unpalatable answer before asking.

Amongst this sycophantic reporting I was half expecting something like “I suppose you’ll call home using smoke-signals to save on tolls?”

No-one in this PC malaised-country openly had the guts to state out-loud the bleeding obvious “the emperor has no clothes” least they up-set the tribes right to act like superstitious bumpkins in the face of reality even a 10 year-old could see for what it is.

Footnote: In a concession to the 21st century it appears during their time-here the tribe hedged-their-bets by also investigating about exporting the eggs back home as well.

Extreme Reality T.V: Skeptic challenges Guru to kill him live on Indian Television

Self-styled "Indian Guru" Pandit Surender Sharma claimed he could kill a man using nothing but magic powers, so Indian rationalist Sanal Edamaruku put his ‘mind death ray’ to the test live in local television.

Makes amusing fodder.

The 'What is God?' Challenge

I am putting-up NZ$1,000 to anyone who can explain to me, in terms I can understand…

“What is God?”

This is a genuine offer (refer conditions below)

I will keep-posting this offer, so there are no time-restraints or limits on the number of submissions, nor for that matter the entrants location.

I will act as the sole arbitrator – this is for my benefit.

Please do not confuse the question “What is God?” with “Is there a God?”.

For anyone to answer the question “Is there a God?” we first need to establish the definition of ‘God’.

So imagine you are describing a domestic cat to someone who has never encountered one.

Let’s not get bogged-down in platitudes or meandering philosophical abstracts.

Nor do I want-to-get involved in semantics.

A cat has teeth and claws, this we understand ,without breaking-down the teeth and claws into their make-up, functions etc - nor having to require a Biology degree.

Just stick to the basic ‘make-up’ of God.

For example since The Bible tells us believers will enter heaven to be by his side, clearly this means he has sides – right?

But is he a square of a hexagon?

Have I misinterpreted ‘by his side’?

Apparently humans are made in his ‘image’?

So if I bumped into God at the Supermarket, what would I behold? Would his male appendage be obvious?

We are told looks down-on us 24/7, so with all the activity he has to monitor it’s reasonable to think he has a multitude of eyes - a bit like a house-fly?

See what I’m after?

Keep referring back to the child-like domestic cat scenario when answering and you won’t go wrong.

Remembering a cat is more than an animal with fur.

Keep at the back of your mind, I am not one of the 3 billion humans that are 100% sure God exists, and have never to the best of my knowledge meet a God, nor encountered any of his magical powers.

You need to start from square-one with me.

Also peoples, please do not belittle me by calling into question my intelligence or open-mindedness with statements like “You won’t understand”. May be I will, when you use terms any layman will understand.

Further it was a God that saw fit to use words as the sole method to describe his workings in his manifesto. These words ‘of God’ are what believers follow. Not a DVD or You-Tube - a book called 'The Bible'. Therefore if it is good enough for God to use words to convey such crucial information like; man-kinds life-mission, creation, what happens when we die etc - then surely there is scope in the written language to describe this ‘God’? By stating there are no words to describe God you are in-fact bringing into question the writings of The Bible and Gods very existence.

Thank-You.

Paul.


Conditions:

I will donate the money (equivalent of USD 700)to go to a ‘Secular’ Non-Political ‘New Zealand Registered Charity’. Like say Child Cancer or Crippled Children Society etc. All of the winners own choice. Overseas entrants are fine. Those of you from overseas may prefer to opt for an International Charity organisation (without religious or political ties). I will act as the sole arbitrator. No correspondence entered into. Leave your answers in the comments section.The more pedantic in our midst can contact canterburyatheist at gmail.com.

What the f*ck is God?

As a skeptic I don’t believe in Gods, deities, ghosts, Father Christmas, The Tooth-Fairy and a whole range of mythical beasts.

Even to this hardened unbeliever like yours-truly the concepts of Father Christmas and The Tooth Fairy are fairly easy to explain & harmless concepts.

I can put my finger-on why parents like me, masquerade as Father Christmas and The Tooth Fairy.

But I can’t say the same about God.

To the best of my knowledge, I have never meet a God, or been touched by their presence.

I have been told God exists, without being told who/what God is, in the first place.

So to believe in a God you need to know exactly what a God is?

There are billions of humans who say there is a God, but not one universal description that can clarify “what God is?”

Individuals subjugate their lives to an entity they know less about than say The Tooth Fairy.

A theist is more capable to draw-you a picture of a tooth-fairy, than their God.

They could point to where Father Christmas lives on a map, but not the abode of their God entity?

They could more readily explain in greater clarity what The Loch Ness Monster is, than what is God?

So someone, please for Gods sake tell me what the f*ck is God?

In the same fashion you were describing a cat, to someone who has yet to encounter one.

When the Cure is worse that the Disease:‘The 1976 Swine-Flu Pandemic’

What is now called Swine-Flu, or derivatives of the influenza C strain, have been identified since mankind developed the science to locate, and classify the infection.

The first major identified Pig-Flu/Swine-Flu/Influenza, outbreak or pandemic, was in 1918, and the last-one was in 1976.

Faced with a pandemic in the seventies, authorities in the US choose to vaccinate the population (refer photo).

Now here’s the rub, today’s lesson from history, before you go running to the doctor, or getting your kids jabbed.

The vaccine the U.S Government administered, when immunising almost a third of the population in 1976, produced tragic side-effect in certain individuals.

This was a rare pulmonary sydrome called Guillain-Barré (GBS for short)

Complications from GBS resulted in 25 deaths.

The tally of confirmed deaths from the Swine Flu itself was: one.

The single individual who fell victim to the flu, was the U.S Soldier that sparked the pandemic in the first place!

“Hello you have reached The After-Life Directory Service, how may I help you?”

Let me start this article, by stating its stories like this, that make African internet scamsters, look like a wise investment.

It takes gullibility to a new level, well below ground level, close to the earths core.

We are talking ‘Franks Box’, named after its inventor Frank Sumption.

It’s better known as ‘The Ghost Box’.

The Ghost Box scans the radio frequencies, between operating broadcast stations.

Doing so, will produce the intermittent and faded verbalisations…….of the dead!

Its believers have dubbed the device - a ‘telephone to the dead’.

Purportedly, Thomas Edison regularly answers his calls from ‘the land of the living’.

If you've always wanted to call your deceased Aunt Molly to see where she buried the loot, you now have the chance.

Call after 7.00 P.M the rates are cheaper.

But, clearly this is serious stuff, and one of its major proponents Chris Moon wants us to be beware of the dangers of the uneducated operating ‘The Ghost Box’.

In the hands of the uninitiated, it may be John Wayne Gracy or Ted Bundy that picks-up the receiver and not Aunt Molly.

So don’t go treating ‘The Ghost Box’, merely as a toy or paranormal oddity.

Respect it’s authoritay and seek professional advice.

Meet The Man who talks to Gold-Fish

This is American, Bill Northern who spend half the year in his home state of Virginia and the other half in Rakiai (50 kms south of Christchurch)

He claims he can talk to animals.

His specialty is horses, but apparently he can talk to a whole menagerie.

Giraffe’s are within his scope, as are gold-fish.

Armed only with his divining rod, pendulum and his trusty band of angels, using skills entrusted by Indians, ol’ Bill provides owners with a service that is part veterinary and part psychology.

That’s red Indians by the way, so don’t go asking the guys at the local takeaway to take a look at your moggy.

The whole ‘check-over’ procedure takes 17-18 minutes.

Bill and his angels are clearly very precise.

Not 16 minutes of even 19 – it’s 17 to 18.

He also accepts checks (sic), Visa or MasterCard.

20 Minutes come at USD 90.00 (deposit required)

Hold on weren’t we told it would take 17-18 minutes?

Bill’s site tells us more about his bread-winner, horses of the racing kind, and the period he was an owner.

“Over the following decades he became drawn into the world of horse-racing, working as a judge at racetracks making sure trainers and drivers were sticking to the rules. He has also owned between 30 and 35 trotters in his time, although he says he only ever owned one he would describe as successful”.

Now given that Bill claims to be able to speak to horses (via angels)would you not think the following question would have been amongst the first uttering’s to depart his lips directed at his own thoroughbreds?

Namely “put the word around for a hot tip in the next race”.

Or asking around the yearlings in the paddock “who’s the fastest around the yard out of you guys?”.

Why is it a guy that can ‘talk to horses’ not able to forge a living training 30 to 35 of the animals himself?

What punter wouldn’t love to have a natter to the nags as they parade around the bird-cage, allowing them throw a bundle on its nose, knowing your horse was hot to trot and the favourite was suffering from a belly-ache caused by too many oats the night before.

Even Bill himself doesn’t know how his ‘amazing powers’ work (Ashburton Guardian 23/01/06), but he glibly explains this way say “I don’t know how a computer works as well”. The thing is with that trite explanation is - there are people that do know how a computer works. Bill just don’t happen to be one of them. As yet we have yet to have any facts relating to the existence of angels, except hearsay, which comes at USD 90 for 20 minutes. (according to Bill’s advertising blurb that’s cheaper than a doctor, leading me to suggest he needs to get a new rural GP)

So intriguingly what do these animals tell Ol’ Bill?

Cat’s it appears tell lies and can’t be trusted, so he avoids them (unless offered an inducement)

Dogs are sensitive.

Purportedly one of his doggy clients began misbehaving after her owners got rid of her favourite toy. Severe neurosis in my books, a few more walks would do the trick.
Bill said a typical conversation with a horse would be: "The hay is delicious today but my owner was horrible to me last week so I'm going to stomp on his toe when I get a chance." Or, "my saddle blanket is really itchy”.

Not in-depth discussions of Stephen Hawkins re-write of ‘A History of Time’ I’m sorry to say – just mundane feed stuff & sore backs etc.

Indeed the first profound words Bill heard coming from a horse were “"I didn't get my apple today".

Miraculously all animals talk in English, which is kind of handy since that’s the only language Bill has a grasp of.

Interestingly Bill says fish just talk about food and nothing else, when water would seem to be a subject to be closer to their hearts and gills.

Soothingly when these animals are getting their worries of the world off their chests, Bill listens – closing his eyes apparently intensifies the procedure, and his trusty pendulum helps with “yes” of “no” answers. How he sees the pendulum move with closed eyes was not revealed. Perhaps, his personal band of roving angels, acts as assistants again here and whisper in his ear?

Horse-whisper, naturally.