Friday, June 25, 2010

God Texts Fijian Pastor about impending Disaster!

There’s one thing to be said about the ‘Interim Fijian Regime’ (read: Military-Lead Government) – they don’t take fools lightly.

For the last month or so Pastor Laione Lutumaimuri Nacevamaca (above) and his side-kick Bill Govaka (ironically the one time former head of The Fiji Visitors Bureau) have been telling anyone who is interested, that a major natural disaster was about to hit Fiji – specifically 2:30 pm on Wednesday (23rd) this week.

The reason why the time/date is so specific is because it was God that personally told Pastor Nacevamaca, by way of his cell-phone clock.

That’s right: God telepathically communicated with Nacevamaca, then texted him!

“This is the date and time, mark it on your calendar” is what the excitable & delusional Pastor told the local press.

Sadly there were large tracts of the Fijian populous that believed his prophecy, so when whole villages began moving to higher-ground, tourist resorts were cleared following warning emails sent by Govaka, business’s & schools closed to avoid the impending disaster(s) - the Government acted decisively - by arresting & imprisoning the pair on Tuesday for spreading rumours.

Nacevamaca is charged with maliciously fabricating and spreading by way of mouth that there would be a tsunami, earthquake and strong winds, causing public alarm.

Mr Gavoka was charged with spreading the rumours by e-mail about the tsunami and earthquakes and causing public alarm.

Needless to say the time/date passed without either a ripple on land or sea, nor more than a warm sea-breeze.

Whether God bothered to text Nacevamaca to say “sorry for standing you-up” has yet to come-out.

Note: Off-Air for 10 days (may be less - who knows?)

Thursday, June 24, 2010

Why are American Sporting-Teams so Fucking Useless?

Why is it, that by-in-large American sports-fans are so insular?

Why don’t American sporting teams take pride in representing their country – is it because no one back home gives a rats-arse even if they do well?

More importantly why are American sports teams, with their vast financial resources, so fucking useless?

Whilst most of the planet is embracing The (one true) Football World-Cup, the whole scope of tournament has typically escaped vast tracts of America.

The easy, glib answer to this is of course ‘Football (ooops ‘soccer’) is not a big sport in ‘the states’ even though in reality there’s 18 million players, and it’s the largest participant sport for kids.

By the way neither is football it a ‘big sport’ in New Zealand, but yet the whole country still gets behind its team.

Now go & ask yourself - "what are the ‘big team sports’ in America?"

Well there’s basketball, which it has to be said is a global sport, and with all those NBA players, billions of bucks floating around, surely the U.S should clean-up at every international tournament they turn-up at?

Boy, have I got news for you - the current world-champions are Spain and the tournament before that it was Yugoslavia. The U.S hasn’t been World Champs at basketball for 18 years!

Ice-Hockey, now that’s a popular team-sport in North America.

It goes without saying The U.S must be competitive at The World Ice Hockey Tournament - right?

No, they have performed abysmally and last made a final fifty years ago!

What say Volleyball, another global sport, popular in American schools and colleges?

In the sixty years, no American team (men’s or women’s) has even made the finals at a World Champs.

So what other global team sports do Americans play to any great degree?

Sorry I can’t for the life of me think of any?

Baseball does have a World Championships – but it’s similar to running a so-called World Series - played amongst such a small gene-pool to be unworthy of the mantle ‘World’.

Don’t even suggest American Football – probably one of the worlds least played sport when it comes to countries who participate. Is there even a American Football team as such?

So the only conclusion one can make is Americans don’t care about World Championships and their athletes, teams aren’t interested in succeeding on the world sporting stage at events every-other country takes seriously

They are too interested playing amongst themselves.

What do you call playing with yourself again?

PS: From Saturday on I’m taking a sabbatical for 10 days to catch-up on some things on the home-front. Comments will be cleared when I get other projects finished.

Tuesday, June 22, 2010

Blood-Sucking Elim Church takes disabled-mans Life Savings!

This is a Napier rest home resident Whetu Abraham, 54, a partial tetraplegic with head injuries, the result of being hit by a car in 1986. What also makes him further vulnerable is his lack of family – basically he’s a loner with obvious ‘issues’ and sadly little to no immediate support.

Over the last two years Abraham has donated his entire life saving to the Napier City ‘Oasis’ Elim Church, in the belief he was in-effect buying his way into heaven.

When she learned of what was happening the rest home manager, Lucy Dever, tried to intervene on Abrahams behalf with the churches pastor Bruce Collingwood, and make him aware that Mr Abrahams survived on a sickness benefit and was not in a position to be granting them six-figure donations, let alone his entire nest-egg, given he has no other income source.

Pastor Collingwood dismissed her protestations and banked the monies (approx NZ$20,000) telling Dever dismissively it was Abrahams choice.

I ask you what sort of person is this ‘man of god’ Pastor Bruce Collingwood?

What sort of organisation could take the last cent of a vulnerable person – a man clearly not fully in control of his facilities, down on his luck?

The Napier Oasis Church should be hit where it hurts them most i.e. in the pocket.

Their charitable status should be immediately cancelled.

PS: By the way The Oasis Church in Napier happen to have a Facebook site to vent your anger – so why not join in the fun and tell these creeps what you think? The last couple of posts on their ‘wall’ are gems and sum-up the publics anger at their despicable actions: “scum sucking mutha f*cking arrsehole!” and “complete scum”.
Footnote: Bruce Collingwood has commented on this article (comments section below) giving his side of the story. Far dues to him.

Monday, June 21, 2010

Why Football is better than Rugby

1.) Fans actually get passionate about football and don’t sit like mannequins in their seats chanting like they all have downs-syndrome
2.) The skinny white guys can get in the team, as well as the odd skinny Maori or two (interestingly there were five Maori players on the field against Italy at the end of last nights game and only two playing for The All Blacks on Saturday, no calls a Maori version of the national anthem either)
3.) When you play a meaningless international game of football they call it for what it is – a ‘friendly’ and not a ‘test’.
4.) The 76th ranked nation can draw against the World-Champs (imagine The South African Rugby team failing to beat The Cook Islands!?) A bird-bath has more depth than International Rugby.
5.) The World Football Cup is a ‘World’ Cup and not a beefed-up Commonwealth Tournament.
6.) New Zealand Football doesn’t need to raid The Pacific Islands for its players.
7.) Rivalry in sport generally means some sort of historic competition between two players/teams, rather than miss-matches eg. Everton versus Liverpool. Wales last beat New Zealand at rugby fifty-seven years ago meaning most New Zealansers weren't even born when the term 'rivalry' had any significance in the context.
8.) When New Zealand Football team plays at The World Cup the team over-performs pundit’s expectations. When The All Blacks play at a World Cup Tournament traditionally they under-perform.
9.) You can actually understand the rules of football and the basics of the game don't change season by season and one hemisphere plays by one interpretation and the other by another.

10.) Football is an international language and at this very-moment most people on this planet will know New Zealand is in The World Cup and doing bloody well! It’s currently one of the head-line stories on CBS Sport, ESPN, Telegraph, Guardian, The Sun etc. How many would know about the so-called 'test' in Dunedin?

Thursday, June 17, 2010

Are all Catholic Priests by definition Effeminate, Head-Cases?

A question to all males: if you were offered a million dollars to be chemically sterilised, rendered permanently impotent – would you take the money?

Hell no!

Males are hot-wired to seek-out sexual gratification.

The only males I can think-of that would deliberately deny themselves out of volition, as opposed to medical reasons, are lacking a chromosome or two.

Dare I suggest effeminate, thus well suited to an all-male society?

As young boys they were the ones that liked dressing-up-in their mothers underwear and never had friends who ‘understood their feelings.’

Voluntary celibate men are by definition abnormal, biological freaks of nature.

Regardless of sexual orientation, heterosexual, bi-sexual or homosexual – male celibacy is only for weirdos & fringe dwellers in society.

Abnormal behaviour such as sexual-denial invariably spills-over into psychological issues.

These psychological issues could be cured simply & easily with the services of a $50 hooker. Male or female, take your pick.

Until priests are provided with a sexual-outlet for their natural desires (over the age of consent) they will remain by-in-large to be dangerous, ostracized head-cases - never to be left-alone to their own devices & impossible to take seriously.

Wednesday, June 16, 2010

Good Catholic Children Don’t Jump in Puddles

The mission statement from St Francis de Sales School in Wellington reads:

To provide quality education,
incorporating Catholic principles and beliefs,
giving each child opportunities for their full development

Showing scant regard for human decency and total disrespect for the dead The Vatican ordered the heart of the original St Francis’s to be ripped from his corpse. De Sales ‘ticker’ is now on display in Rome for the morbid fools to drool over. Mind-you when you think The Catholic Church worships a zombie and ritually drinks his blood – having century old bodily parts strewn about the place seems almost ‘normal’ for this lot.

Perhaps the school in New Zealand that bears his name could ask Rome for some of St Frances heart?

They certainly appear to need a 'heart' of some kind.

Here we have a primary school that has placed a ban on something that is intrinsic childlike behaviour - jumping in puddles.

Following-on from the fine Christian heritage exhibited by Rome, who shamelessly violated the corpse of poor old Francis de Sales, the school-board in Wellington has paid no regard for the part of their mission-statement that claims to “give each child opportunities for their full development.”

These Kiwi children of St Francis de Sales School are being taught a short sharp life-lesson on how fascism works and never to question the authority of ‘the’ church.

Basically they are receiving the ‘good Catholic education’ their parents so-desired.

Friday, June 11, 2010

New Zealand Politician Watches Porn-Movie…..Wop De Fuck!

Wow what a massive and shocking revelation: a New Zealand man has actually been found looking at pornographic movies!

Next they'll be saying males like sport.

The individual that has been ‘outed’ enjoying porn is current opposition politician, former Cabinet Minister and father of seven, Shane Jones.

Pandering to what he perceives as adverse public opinion a guilt-ridden Jones had dubbed his exposure as "Shane's day of great shame."

“Earth to Shane”… “Earth to New Zealand”

Every New Zealand adult-male, with normal testosterone levels, is sexually stimulated looking at pornography - so wop-de-fuck this male happens to inhabit Parliament.

It is not necessary for any male/female to apologise for exhibiting entirely normal behaviour.

Instead of taking a defensive position Jones would be better to have simply turned-on the throng of journalists latched to his jugular and thrown it back in their hypocritical faces with a statement along the lines “I like looking at porn – don’t you?”

Jones should have gone on the offensive and not pandered to the glib, duplicitous calls for his resignation.

Rather than being embarrassed he should have said “Sorry I don’t see a problem with an adult like myself watching a pornographic movie.”

In doing so he would have the support of the majority of Kiwi’s, who like me, enjoy watching porn and aren't afraid to say so.

Thursday, June 10, 2010

New Zealand says no to Jewish Tradition of Animal Cruelty

In the past religions have had a free-reign in New Zealand to get away with abuses no other sector of society can claim as part of their innate rights being a citizen of this country.

The right to discriminate based-on gender or sexual orientation are two of the more obvious ones still permitted.

Gradually these historic ‘rights’ Governments have granted to one sector of society over another, are being whittled away.

This week New Zealand took another step towards becoming a truly secular country when it banned the inhumane slaughter of animals under the guise of religious practice.

Overnight the Kosher slaughter of lambs and chickens (a ritual called shechita) came to an end here in New Zealand and attracted the ire of the local Hebrew community both here and in Australia.

The president of The Organisation of Rabbis in Australasia, Moshe Gutnick, put all his cards on the table when he said “The science is wrong, but even if the science wasn’t wrong it infringes on the religious rights of the community.”

Basically Rabbi Gutnick was saying “So what it’s cruel - our religion dictates we treat animals in this primitive fashion and that over-rides the rule of the land.”

Gutnick and the Jewish community of New Zealand can of course import Kosher meat, or if they are still smarting from having to follow the same animal welfare laws as the rest of the country – simply go live some where else.

If you think New Zealand is intolerant - try Iran for size.

Footnote: Before anyone plays the “what about the animals killed in New Zealand slaughterhouses under the halal principals?” card, those animals are stunned first – unlike the Kosher killings where the conscious animal has it’s throat slit and bleed.

Wednesday, June 9, 2010

Chasing Peace? Adopt Atheism!

Yet again, New Zealand has topped The Vision of Humanities ‘2010 Global Peace Index’.

In a repeat of last year, it’s exclusively the secular countries (below) that are revealed to be the most peaceful.

Just like last year we get to see that the war-mongering countries on this planet are in-fact those inhabited by a population that largely embraces religion and superstition.

The facts are damning and the only conclusion one can make is - if more people dropped their religious hatred and primitive superstitious behaviour – the planet we inhabit would be a safer place.

New Zealand (1 in 2009)
Iceland (4)
Japan (7)
Austria (5)
Denmark (2)
Finland (9)
Sweden (6)

The bottom ten are:

Iraq (1)
Somalia (3)
Afghanistan (2)
Sudan (5)
Pakistan (8)
Israel (4)
Russia (9)
Chad (7)
Congo (6)

F.Y.I: Australia (19) U.K (31) USA (85)

Tuesday, June 8, 2010

Those can-do-Kiwi’s and their humble scooters spun-my-wheels.

New Zealanders are very self critical, and I’m contrite enough to confess, at times. I’m the first to employ my own self-imposed list of foibles upon fellow Kiwi’s.

Then something comes along that makes you proud to be a Kiwi.

Something, may be, small in the relative scheme of things.

Some event or act that exposes that Kiwi fortitude, and ‘can-do’ attitude which makes New Zealand still one of the best places on the planet to live.

To me this renewal of Kiwi pride came in the form of the recent ‘Tranz Alpine Scooter Rally.’

Saturday May 29 saw 230 brave & hardy scooterists buzz out of Christchurch mostly on tiny 50cc scooters bound for the wintry Southern Alps and over to the South Islands West Coast - 250kms in roughly 10 hours.

In one-word the weather was “crap” that weekend and there was snow on both mountain passes (check the video out).

This is motorised version of The Coast to Coast Endurance Event also doubles as a fundraiser for the The Cancer Society & their efforts, a week or so back, raised over a hundred grand for a fine cause.

The individuals behind this event should be the ones getting awards and not some stuffy-old Judge or god-bothering band promoters.

May this event prosper.

Monday, June 7, 2010

The only reward fitting for vile Christian Music is banishment!

When they were notified of their inclusion in The Queens Birthday Honours List, husband & wife team Mark and Christine de Jong admitted to the media they were both “slightly embarrassed.”

Correction time: every New Zealander should be embarrassed with their award.

Whilst true Kiwi musical pioneers like Roger Shepherd (Flying Nun) go unheralded, except by those who have a clue about musical heritage in New Zealand, the country pays tribute to a two minor players in the local musical scene.

The de Jongs are apparently ‘stars’ in the Christian music scene.

Now go and name me one Christian band from New Zealand?

Like Christian music every-where on this planet – no one with a real interest in contemporary music takes their lolly-water musical-masquerade in the slightest bit seriously.

Getting an award for Christian music in New Zealand is like getting a School-Prize for Serbo-Croation.

That’s exactly why 99.9% of Kiwi’s didn’t have the slightest-clue who-the-fuck Mark and Christine de Jong were, prior to their award.

Don’t the dimwits who administer these sycophantic awards know that the teens that turn-up at their ‘Parachute’ concerts do-so because they are Christians and there’s chance of a sly-root? Not to hear the droll crap being inflicted on the crowds ear-drums by bands best suited for The Disney Channel.

If the de Jong’s had any integrity they would hand their awards back out and scuttle-back to their nepotistic waste-lands on the fringes of music.