Tuesday, May 28, 2013

10 Reasons Why I Hate Tattoos

My son has a great saying about tattoos. 

He calls them “job inhibitors.”    

Me I have other reasons why I don’t like tats……. 

1.)    Who wants to wear the same thing every second of every day?  

2.)    They have criminal connotations. Take a quick look around any criminal fraternity, prison population and you’ll see the universal denominator are tattoos.

3.)    A tattoo done in a person’s physical prime fades over time and looks little more than an ink splodge on the body of anyone over fifty, outright revolting.

4.)    I keep telling my daughter “No one puts a bumper sticker on a late model Mercedes.”

5.)    You get a tattoo at 20 because it is what you are into at the time. Who at 40 is ‘into’ the same things they were into at 20? Who wants a representation of something you now have no connection with glaring out to the world and looking back at you in the mirror?

6.)    People judge you differently. Call them snobs, there is still a lot of stigma that goes with tattoos. Ignore them at your vocational peril.    

7.)    In my humble opinion they don’t look good on females. I have yet to see a woman  with a tattoo that enhances her beauty. On the other had I have seen thousands that made the wearer look out-right revolting. My sons and I hate tatted women. When we see them on TV we say “Yuk”.  This of course is our subjective appraisal. We are not alone in our opinion that tats aren’t something we see as feminine.  As yet I've never heard a single male, untatted/tatted, say something along the lines "She'd look more attractive with a tattoo on her lower back." There's a good reason for this.   

8.)    Tattoos are trendy. They should be unique to the individual but by in large they represent modern trends like say ‘todays flavour’ tribal tattoos. In short order they become little more than permanent out-dated designer apparel. After-all most tattoos come from parlour catalogues, someone else's idea.   

9.)    So many of them are plain stupid, poorly done on the spur of the moment or ill-conceived.

10.)  Few people simply have ‘the body’ for tats, too skinny, flabby etc.        

Think before you ink.

If you really must get one: at least be original. 

PS: Why not read my follow-up article Nothing says “I’m a loser” more than a neck tattoo? They are all the rage amongst the scientists working on the Large Hadron Collider.   

Friday, May 24, 2013

When it comes to fighting Terrorism Western Governments are failing their Citizens

Clearly government in the West can no longer protect their citizens against terrorism.  

Soldiers can’t even wander the streets of England or a military base like Fort Hood.   

The horrendous events in Boston further re-enforce this stark fact. 

There is no point trying to protect borders when the attackers are already inside the ramparts.  

Home-grown terrorism is getting worse not better.  

It’s not Al Qaeda you need to be scared of - it’s the bearded bloke from around the corner who has gone from donning a baseball cap to a Kufi.   

In Canada Mounted Police recently foiled a terror attack on the rail systems that would have potentially killed and injured hundreds.    

So what are the options for Western Governments? 

Clearly Muslim Communities have little to no influence over rogue elements, which treat secular Muslims with equal distain.   

Muslim Communities say they all shouldn’t be tarred with the same brush – but seemingly never root out the terrorists in their midst before the fact.    

What we have seen over the last two decades in the growing Muslim communities of the West is that they themselves are increasingly divided into ‘opposing bands’. 

Moderates, extremists, Shiite, traditionalist, secular, Sunni etc etc.   

They all have different interpretations of their religion and Kaffirs.  

Different interpretations even of the law of the land, clothing, customs etc.    

They are poles apart.  

So the elephant in the room remains: All Muslims are not terrorists but all terrorists are Muslims. 

Still if these were distinctive brown shirt wearing Neo-Nazis who were undertaking a global terror campaign, killing innocent people in the name of Hitler our respective Governments would be taking a far harder line – directly targeting the group across the board. 

Security, Police etc would be outside their Nazi party headquarters openly watching them to deter attacks.  

More-ever most of the public the public wouldn’t be saying “He’s a good Nazi”.  

But because this terrorism is ideologically driven and it’s ‘a religion’ no one wants to up-set any one. 

Unlike Nazi H.Q Police would never openly sit a car outside a mosque even if they knew it harboured a cell of terrorists.  

The nett result is people are getting hurt whilst our respective Governments try and be nice & consolatory to the broader Islamic community when this approach is clearly failing.   

The time is fast approaching when we need to take a hard-line against Muslims of all persuasions. 

In the short-term this tactic is likely to drive more to the extremists cause, but in the long term it is the only policy that is going to work, coupled with possible repatriation.    

The respective Muslim communities in the West need to take greater ownership of this issue or face a hardened approach bought on as a scared public realises ‘being nice’ isn’t working.

Thursday, May 23, 2013


Plus Clothing is a politically correct term for ‘Fat Folk Clothing’.  

There are Plus Sized ‘Fat Folks’ Clothing stores the length and breadth of the land.    

These stores cater for the growing obese community who know where their bread is buttered (with lard)  

After yesterday’s article about Abercrombie and Fitch I now regret New Zealand doesn’t have a similar athletic branded store.  

A brand which targets people of ‘normal’ build – that’s to say people in the normal BMI band for their size/weight.       

It amazes me that anyone would complain against a shop that sells clothing one size and not another? 

Don’t shop there is the simple solution.  

It is clear fatties feel they are being persecuted, the new gays, conveniently ignoring all those Fat Folk Clothing companies. 

To my knowledge there’s not a single exclusively athletic clothing store outside Abercrombie and Fitch, nothing here in Christchurch that’s for sure.   

We don’t see mobs of triathletes and rowers protesting outside Plus Stores about this inequality, now do we?      

That’s because fat people want to wear athletic people clothing – never the other way around (round – get it?)     

When you weigh-up (two of me = 1 of her) the facts the people who are being discriminated against when it comes to clothing choices are in the skinny to normal band (as in gastric)  

Bowing to PC crap are the clothing manufacturers/stores forced to stock fat clothing rather than risk being accused of being ‘sizeist’.   

Wednesday, May 22, 2013

Abercrombie & Fitch doesn’t want fatties ruining their healthy brand

I don’t own any Abercrombie & Fitch clothing, nor would you catch me dead in designer gear of any kind.  

I can’t honestly say I've ever spotted one of their stores.   

I still take my hat off to the chain Abercrombie & Fitch which deliberately doesn’t offer men's clothes over XXL or womens-wear in any size above large. 

A & F wants to portray an image, establish a niche in their market and do so by the simple tactic of limiting sizing and having athletic models display their wares.    

‘Fit, healthy people wear our products’     

‘If you are obese, lead an unhealthy life-style seek out another brand of clothing’    

All this seems good business to me.  

Naturally fatties and politically correct wowsers hate their stand, forgetting that three short decades ago the sizes A & F have on their racks today were the norm.   

A & F sell clothing to the normal ‘healthy’ band of weight versus height ratio.  

So in fact its normal people can fit into all the clothes at Abercrombie & Fitch, no discrimination in this.    

Normal people aren’t fat, yet we’ve become so desensitised to seeing fatties in our midst we’ve forgotten this fact.   

Let the obese start their own ‘exclusive’ clothing-brand up and see if any healthy people wear it!?   

Congratulations to Abercrombie & Fitch and their stand.  

I’ll still never buy one even if I am a Large.  


I am a New Zealander. 

We like to travel and we like to drink, beer mostly. 

Ironically I’ve never been to Ireland, mainly because it’s never attracted me.  

England, Scotland and Wales yes. 

Compared to France they were mildly interesting places although language was always an issue – in Scotland in particular.   

Large tracts of Western Europe, Five countries in Asia, Pacific Islands, Australia and six odd states of America (may be more if I took time to list them) 

These are places I’ve been to.  

Everywhere you go around the world from Brussels to Baltimore, like a ribald  version of Starbucks, there’s an Irish Pub lurking.  

So what is the global appeal of Irish Pubs?  

How do people like me who have never been to Ireland even know what a real Irish pub is like?  

Are their very existence off home soil symptomatic of the fact all other ‘local’ bars from Alasaka to Australia are simply crap?     

In my experience Irish Bars are similar to American food franchises in that they are all formulated clich├ęs. 

The ones in Christchurch are no different.
Wood panelling, dingy lighting, sticky carpet, a few photos of things Irish on walls and Guinness on tap is about the extent of it.   

There may be an ex-pat ‘real’ Irishman behind the bar as a bonus.   

This is hardly a winning formula.  

At my typical local N.Z Tavern I am only one of ten people that regularly drink Guinness, along with most dark stout varieties it’s hardly a mainstream tipple.  

Guinness alone can’t be the drawing point.  

By my recollection the Irish themselves aren’t say as friendly as the Thai or Fijian people I’ve meet either, supposed friendliness being one of their selling points.      

Kiwis are friendly as well but I would run a mile if I saw a Kiwi pub on my travels.  

The only reason I can think of for Irish bars popularity is: they attract English speakers. 

It’s like a tourist who wouldn’t opt for McDonalds at home but sees some safety in consuming the crap overseas.   

Irish Bars will put on ‘White Man’ sporting pursuits punters understand the rules of and the players names.       

Is there another reason I have missed why Irish Bars are so popular?  

Personally they don’t enthuse me.    

Who wants to go into a dull, stinky pub on a nice day?  

PS: Don’t get me on Irish Dancing either!


Thursday, May 16, 2013



One: Baa baa I don’t want to be treated like a two-legged fucking sheep and herded every-where like kids on their first day at school.   

Two: I want to get away from people when I travel, relax on my own in a place of my choosing where, if I so desire, I can stay or leave.  Your average ship cabin resembles a prison cells only smaller and endless ocean out of the port-hole as opposed to striped-sunlight. 

Three: Which-ever way you look at it a boat is simply a floating hotel. Who the hell wants to spend most of their holiday in a hotel? A hotel where the predominate view outside is water and the occasional seagull.   

Four: When you travel overseas surely you want to meet the locals not sit next door to a couple from the same town over another ghastly smorgasbord? What is the point in visiting a country and not embracing their culture, food in preference to ‘retreating’ every night to your English speaking cosy version of Red Lobster combined with the The Hilton? A tacky floating Las Vegas.      

Five: The lack of adventure. I enjoy exploring places, going into seedy bars, listening to a local  band, going to a remote beach with two dogs as company, watching sport in a pub with locals. Meanwhile on the cruise ship they are running bingo and the elderly lady from cabin 2187 has had an angina attack and is in the infirmary.  The only real excitement on-board is the prospect of some-one jumping over the side, only you'll be tucked-up in bed since it's 9 o'clock and miss all the 'excitement'.   

Six: You only get to visit ports. Lyttelton (Christchurch) is definitely not indicative of Canterbury and the South Island as a whole. Think of the closest port to you. Is that the best place to recommend to a tourist?    

Seven: They fuck up pristine coastal town for other travellers. A huge behemoth vessel pulls up to port and deposits large numbers of waddling sloth-like tourists, some vessels carry 5,000 plus, into a small village thus destroying its integrity for everyone. The town is swamped and on-shore all you meet are the people you had breakfast with.    

Eight: Old people, let’s be brutally honest you’ll be stuck in an environment with thousands of people who are either physically challenged or adopted a mentally old, lazy attitude to travel. No one who is remotely interesting goes on a cruise.    

Nine: When you ‘visited’ a place you never really ‘visited’ it in the truest sense.  How can anyone see say the island of Santorini for half a day and truly say they experienced the island after buying a tea-towel. It’s like transferring at Dubai Airport and saying you’ve been there.   

Ten: Americans. Who wants to be stuck in a confined space with the world’s worst, rudest predominant cruise-ship travellers?  

Monday, May 6, 2013

The World’s Premier Con-Artist is due in New Zealand Shortly.

Try and pick who I am?  

I once presided over a brutal and exploitive regime that resembled a cross between the European Dark Ages and modern-day North Korea. 

I lorded over a country where women were considered intrinsically evil, the legal system included punishments like mutilation.   

The rich powerful leadership with me as its head formed but a small minority of the country but controlled 95% of the resources and wealth.  

Slavery, repression and disease were the norm for all but the lorded few.     

When I was overthrown as leader I went on the CIA payroll.  

Since my departure day to day life has got better for almost everyone in my country. 

There is now health and education for everyone.   

Life expectancy has gone up 25 years in just 50.  

It’s now that old oppressive leadership that are facing some of their own medicine.   

Despite my appalling, despotic record of leadership I have millions in the west wanting me to be returned to power.  

I have stymied religious freedom within my sanctum, not practiced what I preached.   

I have trendy new-agers buying my books in the millions yearning to hear my words of wisdom.  

So who am I?  

A somewhat forgotten ‘born again’ dictator from 1960’s South America?   

What say an off-shoot of the Khmer Rouge?  

Guess again.
Here's a clue.