Canterbury Atheist Blog in Hibernation

Attention All:

My blog is ‘off the air’ indefinitely as at 01st July 2009.

I need to concentrate on finishing a book I started writing earlier this year, and is currently ‘stalled’ about a third-of-the-way through.

It’s a black-comedy, by the way.

So I’ve made the hard-decision that becoming a published author is a far worthier goal comparatively, than ‘a mere blogger’.

The investment in time and mental output, spent writing articles for this blog, would be better invested in the pages of my book.

The pay as an author is also miles better.

Can’t say when, or if, I will be back?

Depends on how the book goes.

May the blessings of The Flying Spaghetti Monster, fall upon you.

Peace.

Paul.

Note: Advice for first time authors is appreciated & can be left in the comments section.

The 'What is God?' Challenge

I am putting-up NZ$1,000 to anyone who can explain to me, in terms I can understand…

“What is God?”

This is a genuine offer (refer conditions below)

I will keep-posting this offer, so there are no time-restraints or limits on the number of submissions, nor for that matter the entrants location.

I will act as the sole arbitrator – this is for my benefit.

Please do not confuse the question “What is God?” with “Is there a God?”.

For anyone to answer the question “Is there a God?” we first need to establish the definition of ‘God’.

So imagine you are describing a domestic cat to someone who has never encountered one.

Let’s not get bogged-down in platitudes or meandering philosophical abstracts.

Nor do I want-to-get involved in semantics.

A cat has teeth and claws, this we understand ,without breaking-down the teeth and claws into their make-up, functions etc - nor having to require a Biology degree.

Just stick to the basic ‘make-up’ of God.

For example since The Bible tells us believers will enter heaven to be by his side, clearly this means he has sides – right?

But is he a square of a hexagon?

Have I misinterpreted ‘by his side’?

Apparently humans are made in his ‘image’?

So if I bumped into God at the Supermarket, what would I behold? Would his male appendage be obvious?

We are told looks down-on us 24/7, so with all the activity he has to monitor it’s reasonable to think he has a multitude of eyes - a bit like a house-fly?

See what I’m after?

Keep referring back to the child-like domestic cat scenario when answering and you won’t go wrong.

Remembering a cat is more than an animal with fur.

Keep at the back of your mind, I am not one of the 3 billion humans that are 100% sure God exists, and have never to the best of my knowledge meet a God, nor encountered any of his magical powers.

You need to start from square-one with me.

Also peoples, please do not belittle me by calling into question my intelligence or open-mindedness with statements like “You won’t understand”. May be I will, when you use terms any layman will understand.

Further it was a God that saw fit to use words as the sole method to describe his workings in his manifesto. These words ‘of God’ are what believers follow. Not a DVD or You-Tube - a book called 'The Bible'. Therefore if it is good enough for God to use words to convey such crucial information like; man-kinds life-mission, creation, what happens when we die etc - then surely there is scope in the written language to describe this ‘God’? By stating there are no words to describe God you are in-fact bringing into question the writings of The Bible and Gods very existence.

Thank-You.

Paul.


Conditions:

I will donate the money (equivalent of USD 700)to go to a ‘Secular’ Non-Political ‘New Zealand Registered Charity’. Like say Child Cancer or Crippled Children Society etc. All of the winners own choice. Overseas entrants are fine. Those of you from overseas may prefer to opt for an International Charity organisation (without religious or political ties). I will act as the sole arbitrator. No correspondence entered into. Leave your answers in the comments section.The more pedantic in our midst can contact canterburyatheist at gmail.com.

Half-Time Score: Frank Zappa 14 - Michael Jackson 0

“Do we really want to know how Michael Jackson makes his music? No. We want to understand why he needs the bones of the Elephant Man -- and, until he tells us, it doesn't make too much difference whether or not he really is ''bad.'' (FZ)

How many of the world mainstream media outlets lead with the story of Frank Zappa’s death in 1993?

None, that’s how many!

Today’s unwarranted adulation of Michael Jackson exposes the injustice of a ‘true musical-genius versus marketing pantomime come phenomenon’.

We see this, in both the public and media circles.

Fuck throw-away POP-ULAR fucking Music!

It’s SHIT!

Let me spell it out for those of you, who may be hard of hearing……S…..H…..I…..T.

Ya, got it?

When The Spices Girls sell more than Radiohead, it’s apparent to anyone above puberty and doesn’t have a poster of their favourite band on their bedroom wall, that record sales are never indicative of talent.

When a so-called musician/singer (whatever you term him) is remembered for 'turning music videos into an art-form' and his dance-routine - we need to take a big step back & ask ourselves 'what about the music'?".

All this unjustified adulation of MJ, merely goes to prove Frank Zappa’s immortal quote:

“Most people wouldn't know music, if it came-up and bit-them on the ass”.

Sure it was sad to see Jackson drop-dead prematurely, but musically he was never on the same scale as immortals like Zappa and Lennon.

David Bowie is another, who towers above Michael Jackson.

I’ll leave you with some more Zappa quotes which seem to be purpose-built for this article.

“I don't give a fuck if they remember me at all”.

“Some scientists claim that hydrogen, because it is so plentiful, is the basic building block of the universe. I dispute that. I say there is more stupidity than hydrogen, and that is the basic building block of the universe”.

“Rock journalism is people who can't write, interviewing people who can't talk, in order to provide articles for people who can't read”.

“I have an important message to deliver to all the cute people all over the world. If you're out there and you're cute, maybe you're beautiful. I just want to tell you somethin' — there's more of us UGLY MOTHERFUCKERS than you are, hey-y, so watch out”.

“If you wind up with a boring, miserable life because you listened to your mom, your dad, your teacher, your priest or some guy on TV telling you how to do your shit, then YOU DESERVE”

“There is no hell. There is only France ”

Gay Exorcisms

Sometimes words fail me, and you secretly hope you are watching some sort of elaborate hoax.

But then reality dawns on you, and you are confronted with the brutal, unpalatable facts.

There really are backward individuals that believe that homosexuality is the result of demonic possession.

It’s not just the share absurdity of the concept of supernatural-beings like demons that is of concern, it’s the fact individuals are permitted to practice psychological torment with impunity, under the guise of religion.

Arrogant and bigoted Christians see it as their ordained duty, to ‘cleanse’ people of the evil they are taught, is homosexuality.

I want you to think about this.

What are the chances anyone can ‘re-orientate’ (for want of a better term) another individual who is a homosexual into a heterosexual?

I’ll tell ya, what chance there are of this happening.

It’s exactly the same as a heterosexual person becoming homosexual.

Any heterosexuals reading this, want to give me the chances of someone turning-you into a homosexual?

Why does the Christian God hate Children?

Why does the God of The Bible hate children, to the point he is willing to kill them mercilessly on a mass-scale?

We are talking about the wholesale slaughter of day-old babies up-wards, and not just when he drowned everyone, except for a drunked and his family.

The LORD smote all the firstborn in the land of Egypt, from the firstborn of Pharaoh that sat on his throne unto the firstborn of the captive that was in the dungeon.... And there was a great cry in Egypt; for there was not a house where there was not one dead. [Exodus 12:29]

This sort of callous murder should be abhorrent to most balanced humans, who care for the sanctity of human life and the most vulnerable in society.

Then, there is the physical abuse God partakes-in, with a certain amount of sadistic pleasure, stage-planning bizarre and horrific deaths and assaults on children.

And he went up from thence unto Bethel: and as he was going up by the way, there came forth little children out of the city, and mocked him, and said unto him, Go up, thou bald head; go up, thou bald head. And he turned back, and looked on them, and cursed them in the name of the LORD. And there came forth two she bears out of the wood, and tare forty and two children of them.[ 2 Kings 2:23-24]

The eye that mocketh at his father, and despiseth to obey his mother, the ravens of the valley shall pick it out, and the young eagles shall eat it. [Proverbs 30:17]

Sick-stuff, but it gets worse and more depraved, being ‘The Good Book’.

This Hannibal Lecter of the Heavens wants parents to engage in cannibalism of their children, as some sort of ritualistic appeasement to his glory.

And ye shall eat the flesh of your sons, and the flesh of your daughters shall ye eat. [Leviticus 26:29]

And thou shalt eat the fruit of thine own body, the flesh of thy sons and of thy daughters. – [Deuteronomy 28:53]

And I will cause them to eat the flesh of their sons and the flesh of their daughters, and they shall eat every one the flesh of his friend. [Jeremiah 19:9]

If you are not up to dismembering & consuming your own flesh & blood, then at least have the courtesy on Gods behalf, to take a rod like object, such as a baseball bat and beat a child within an inch of their lives, so his rival the nasty devil, will pop-out.

Thou shalt beat him with the rod, and shalt deliver his soul from hell [Proverbs 23:14]

And when will there be enough ritualistic and arbitrary slaughter & physical abuse of children for the God of The Bible to be satisfied?

He’s very specific on that question.

Happy shall he be, that taketh and dasheth thy little ones against the stones [Psalm 137:9]

So he can never personally be lumbered with the tag of favouritsm when it came to indiscriminate brutality of the young on earth.

God even set-up his only son to die!

And if that wasn't enough suffering for the youngest of his creations to endure.

He kindly left mankind with the legacy of starvation, disease etc. so his murderous spree could continue unabated.

The God of the Bible is undoubtedly a Child Murderer on a scale and veracity that is abhorrent to anyone with an once of moral fibre.

Strangely Christians seem to love him?

The strange case of the naturist Governor from South Carolina and his Argy Tramp

Mark Sanford is the holy-rolling Governor of South Caroline, and a few days ago, he went walkabout without telling anyone close to him, or at least that was the original story.

For those of you unfamiliar with U.S Politics, Clement Mark Sanford is a man who has campaigned on ‘values’ and championed the cause of state-funding of religious education.

A bible-bashing George Bush clone, who looks to the same constituency to remain in power.

The U.S media have been full of the story of the missing Governor.

His dutiful wife (pictured above with her hubby)said she had no idea where he was, even though his disappearance coincided with Father’s Day.

Even his Lieutenant Governor claimed had no idea, and didn’t even know if he was Acting Governor or not!

It was first rumoured Sanford was on some sort of solo tramp in the Appalachians Trail.

This rumour also sparked another, more amusing line of speculation – that he was up in the hills naked, as one of the days he was off in the bush just happened to be ‘National Hike Naked Day’.

But all of this speculation, rumour begetting rumour, turns-out to be a load of crap.

Governor Sanford, was actually down in Argentina bonking some tart.

All of this came out at in a Press Conference, that bordered on the comical as the philandering Sanford rambled on about the laws of God. He said, “the laws of God are not oppressive rules”, but “are always put into place for our own protection”. He also said “that the laws of God were absolutes and that he had been attending Christian bible studies”.

For the benefit of the non-theists not into this laws of God , what Sandford is telling the world is fairly simple:

1.)His wife is frigid and didn’t put out enough

2.)The power of a standing-prick trumps Gods cards every-time.

You, can’t make-up crap like this!

Say “No” to smacking a week-old baby across the face.

"Should a smack as part of good parental correction be a criminal offence in New Zealand”

So the bible-bashing zealots have got their way, and the country is to shortly pour nine-million dollars down-the-drain on a referendum, which when it has all been said and done, will probably do nothing.

This expense is unjustifiable at a time when New Zealand and the world economy are in a deep recession.

But now we are apparently lumbered with it, let’s see what we get when we answer “No” to ‘Focus on The Family’s’ appalling worded, ambiguous question (above).

1.) No, it shouldn’t be an offence to smack your child across the face with your fist as part of good parental correction.

2.) No, it shouldn’t be an offence for parents to smack a week old baby as part of so-called parental correction.

The way I read it, this is a possible interpretation of the wording in the poorly-worded question posed.

What exactly is a smack for starters?

Parents will be able to say in mitigation “I was only smacking them” when the child displays signs they received more that simple correction, smack on the bum.

This was exactly the mess we had before the law change.

And why stop with correcting children?

The originator of the petition is Sheyll Savill, and as it happens her husband is a policeman.

When Police-Constable Savill comes across some husband in his line of work, who has given his wife a “smacking” should he not feel pains of guilt at arresting them?

Would Constable Savill stand idly by while I slapped his wife?

Why does he then allow his wife smack his kids in an identical situation, without arresting her?

The answer is easy.

Sheyll Savill wants criminals who beat their children to escape justice, in pursuit of her own beliefs, which say specifically parents are justified using physical pain.

"Foolishness is bound in the heart of a child; but the rod of correction shall drive it far from him."

“Withhold not correction from the child: for if thou beatest him with the rod, he shall not die."

“Folly is bound up in the heart of a boy, but the rod of discipline drives it far away”

“Thou shalt beat him with the rod, and shalt deliver his soul from hell”

The Bible therefore specifically requires Christian parents to beat their children to prevent them slipping into Satan’s hands.

Beating is exactly the word used, not smacking, but beating.

Good Christian parents should employ rods, not the palm of your hands, but a form of weapon in the shape of a rod.

A baseball bat, or a piece of 4 x 2 timber fits the scriptures description well.

Then beat the living-crap out of the poor little sods, till the big-bad devil pops-out.

So from the orchestrator's of The Petitions perspective, this is not a question of freedoms, this is a question of rights.

These are not your or my biological off-spring.

They are Gods property.

The rights ordained to them in Gods best-seller, gives you and me the rights to beat-our-brats with impunity, on Gods behalf.