“Hello is that you God?”

Let’s say for purposes of this article , we all agree there are supernatural beings who communicate with humans, putting aside for one second the other daily tasks they undertake, like curing cancer, plagues of locusts etc.

So let’s focus on the ability of humans and supernatural being(s) to communicate with one another.

The human part of the communication process is, more often or not, called a prayer.

So where do these spoken or mental prayers go to?

What happens if Satan intercepts a message to Jehovah and replies maliciously instead?

How would we know if all the Muslim prayers are ending-up with Thor, who simply ‘hangs-up’ every-time one appears, sick & tied of all those friggin’ wrong numbers?

So how can believers be 100% sure their prayers make it through to the intended recipient?

Are there billions of ‘homeless prayers’ aimlessly wandering the telepathic dimension?

Let’s face it every White Pages is full of Mr & Mrs God’s.

And then, we need to also look at how we can be sure, supernatural Gods ‘speak’ back.

If they can, is there a chance you can get sent the wrong message?

Dare I suggest, unspoken mental messages are often lost on the way back to the recipient’s magical ‘cranial receiving station’?

When prayers are not answered - it is therefore simply a communications issue, rather than a lack of empathy?

If we forget to say “please” or adulate too little on how great ones chosen God is, will this impinge on the success one has?

Does one simply keep using the same lame ‘pick-up’ line or try a different tact, like swearing or demanding in a loud voice?

Should someone ailing in hospital and failing to get any success with their chosen entity metaphorically, hang-up the phone and try calling another God?

The equivalent of having ‘a God on the side’ or getting a new cell-phone company.

Can someone please explain this messy conundrum?

I find myself reaching for the Panadol in my desk, even trying to contemplate it.

Dead Man agrees that ‘Prayer doesn’t work’

We all face times in our lives when we feel helplessness, and distress.

When ‘bad things’ happen we instinctively look for answers, and the hope there IS someone, or ‘thing’, that can help, an eternal & mystic shoulder to cry-on and solve our problems.

Sometimes there are no answers, and nothing we as individuals, or our fellows, can do to change the outcome.

As humans we find this ‘powerlessness’ hard to accept.

Prayer offers comfort.

Prayer allows one to ‘believe’ they are doing something positive, and that process will produce a similar outcome.

Does prayer work?

There’s not a scred of scientific evidence, nor a credible independent study, that can confirm the efficacy of intercessory prayer.

No test to even prove in a supernatural entity that answers prayers, even exists in the first place.

If the world’s entire population of amputees, all prayed to their chosen god, in an attempt to re-grow their missing limb or digit – what would be the result?

It doesn’t matter if you pray to: Celtic Gods, Polynesian Gods, Slavic Gods, Gods of War, Gods of Thunder, Underwater God with snorkels and flippers, Hindu Deities, a long forgotten three-headed Animal Deity from 2,000 B.C, Spirits of the Forest, Spirits distilled from wheat, primordial Goddess of Fertility, Goblins, Demons, Guardians of the Oceans, mystical Nymphs in skimpy clothing, Saint Germaus, Saint Eric, 1980’s Aussie punk band The Saints (or for that matter, all of the lot of them combined).

In reality ‘there’s no one at the end of the phone to answer your call’.

When the Pope gets sick he sees a doctor, rather than relying on ‘the power’ of prayer, as there is no substitute for real medicine.

When the Popemobile breaks down they take it to a mechanics for repairs, rather than summonsing God.

Praying for any outcome what so ever, is but issuing a wish, it won’t alter an outcome one iota, and in some cases the total reliance on prayer can have serious adverse ramifications e.g. parents who neglect a sick child and rely instead on ‘Gods will’.

IF it did work, there would be after all, no disease, poverty etc and indeed no dead people, and every week we'd win lotto. An earthly eutopia where all prayers were answered (remind me to e.mail Terry Gilliam with the idea for a new movie)

Seriously folks, knell down, close your eyes, clasp your hands and say after me: "prayer will never change an outcome".

Successful outcomes are mere coincidence, nothing more.

What prayer does, is provides a vestige of hope, for things to go our way, which could be interpreted simply as ‘positive thinking’ or ‘visualisation’.

It’s instinctive to look for ‘a reason’ for things, and if we think it is a God behind all of our daily activities, it’s understandable to try and communicate with him (or her, or a half man/half animal, half human/half god, dead relatives, the sun, aliens, spirits etc, etc).

There will always be prayer, in one form or another.

But it’s time for all of us to elevate our thinking and uniformly admit: praying simply does not work.