Golf is Nature’s way of Saying “It’s Time to Die”

Golf is a game that bores me to tears: ponderously slow and archaic.     

The terms ponderous and archaic are a nice segway into my two main criticisms of the game. 

I am loathed to use the word sport here in the same sentence as golf.   

How can it be a sport when we see morbidly obese golfers puffing away on fags? 

And these are the pros!

No top athletes play golf.  

Just, beer bellied blokes with double-barrelled names dressing like extras in a tacky rap music video.  

 

If golf is a sport then so is Play Station!   

Golf is not a fucking sport.

Golf is a game for the indolent rich, elderly and physically infirmed to allow them time to compare bank balances, European vehicles and swap stock-market tips.     

Golf is played by those that have lost the will to live and don’t have, never had, enough testosterone pumping through their veins to play a real man’s sport.  

Golf is Nature’s way of Saying “It’s Time to Die”.