Friday, May 15, 2009

The Catholic Church claims it has the magical powers that can turn a McDonald's Burger into the Families Dead-Cat!


I’m going to stick my neck out here and say most Catholics, have never heard of the term ‘transubstantiation’ – let alone, laymen.

At first glance, the word ‘transubstantiation’ has scientific connotations, but science has never been one of The Catholic Church’s strong points, and ‘transubstantiation’ goes to prove this abject point- yet again.

Here’s what ‘transubstantiation’ means (per Wikipedia):

“According to the Catholic Church when the bread and wine are consecrated in the Eucharist, they cease to be bread and wine, and become instead the Most Precious Body and Blood of Christ. The empirical appearances are not changed, but the reality is”.

And, so there’s no confusion here (per Ancient & Future Catholics)

“Essentially, the Church teaches that the bread and wine become the body and blood of Christ in substance, while the incidentals (or accidents), the physical characteristics of bread and wine, remain. This means that what you see, feel, and touch will seem to be bread and wine, while in reality, they are actually the body and blood of Christ”.

Nothing has been lost in the translation here, folks.

In the year 2009, with all the available scientific knowledge at it’s finger-tips, to the contrary, The Catholic Church believes transubstantiation, to be real.

Something more than just, the metaphorical.

Not just symbolic.

In ‘reality’ (their exact description) The Vatican steadfastly believe their religious ceremony, can change the very cellular make-up of bread, into that of a human, and a dead-one at that!

Turning one substance into another – using just thought power!

They have created a grand-illusion - making the Church's reality, the shared reality for a billion people – when it’s not in anyway rational to believe in any of this mumbo-jumbo.

This is one area The Catholic Church can at least say they are ahead of their contemporaries.

After-all it’s only been the last 50 years when The Scientologists & Raliaens began combining religion & low-budget science fiction, into the same package.

The truly sad thing is, any eight-year-old child , would laugh at the proposition a priest could ‘magically’ turn, say , a McDonald's Burger into the family cat (one which is in-fact dead, and buried in the vegetable garden, yet magically comes back alive)

Try getting a child to believe when you eat the rotting-corpse of the moggie - it will still taste like the McDonald's burger!

Worryingly for the rational population, parents of Catholics kids are happy educating their offspring, that their local priest, has magical powers & the pantomine called The Eurcarist – is real!

It’s merely different ingredients these ‘believers’ would argue against.

They would argue, it’s impossible to make a hamburger turn-into into a dead cat, but when you have the right recipe, they fervently believe in their Church’s teachings, that it’s possible to turn bread into a dead god.

There’s substance to The Eucharist, a magical process called ‘transubstantiation’.

To take this from the ridiculous to the sublime, The Vatican takes this alchemy so seriously, they will not tolerate any deviance from the prescribed centuries-old recipe.

That’s why The Vatican has issued an edict, banning the use of Gluten Free bread from The Eucharist – because bread made in this form, will not mysteriously transform into the body & blood of a dead god-man!

And people have the audacity to take the piss out of African Witch-Doctors, eh?






2 comments:

Zatarra said...

As a former Catholic, I disagree with your conjecture that most Catholics have never heard the term transubstantiation. I'm not sure what you mean by, "let alone laymen," unless you're implying that there are even priests who haven't heard of it, which is absurd. People who go to Catholic masses regularly will almost certainly have heard a homily or two specifically about it every year or so. "The Real Presence" is taken seriously by a good number of Catholics. (I'm not including people who were baptized but never go to mass more than twice a year, if that.)

Yes, the alleged transubstantiation is absurd, but it's really no more absurd than any other religious doctrine. Water cleans away non-physical stain of sin? Telepathic communication with the dead? Paying someone else to do your work on a certain day of the week because? Genital mutilation? Transubstantiation is completely non-falsifiable as the "accidents" aren't supposed to change. What's really weird is that you're supposed to be eating God!

BeamStalk said...

So can we make a kitty sammich with Zombie Jesus Bread and Blood wine for the drink? I think McDonald's can add a new number to their combo menus...