Tuesday, June 16, 2009

Behold The Scary Washing Machine!

Kiwi’s are amusing ourselves, over the on-line auction of one ‘Scary Washing-Machine’.

So far the auction has received over ½ million viewers on Trade Me (New Zealand’s equivalent of ebay) Not bad, for a population of 4 million.

If you get scared easily, or suffering from some heart complaint, I recommend you go no further, and avert your eyes.

So here it is:

The description of the machine/auction is below, so you can better get an idea of what all the fuss is all about.

Personally I find ALL washing-machines scary, possessed by spirits of plant-eating dinosaurs or not, best left for those of gentler dispositions.

Rumour has it, Stephen King is one of the bidders.

Be prepared to piss-yourself laughing!

Scary washing machine. No really, its terrifying!

"Kelvinator Salvation"

Old mid 80's Fisher and Paykel top loader.Goes like a rocket!

By 'goes like a rocket' I actually mean that literally.It actually shakes the house.It's the loudest most violent sounding washing machine I have ever encountered. It makes guests scared and children cry. I've lived with it like that for almost a year and it still scares me.Once while washing a load of towells it got a bit out of balance and it got so out of control for a minute that I swear I actually saw a porthole to another dimension open above it just for a second, there were dinosaurs on the otherside and they looked scared too, it almost sucked me in but I held onto for my life to the deepfreeze. It sucked my shoes and pants off though and it got the iron as well which pissed me off because it was quite a good one. Luckily it sucked it's own power cord out of the wall and stopped before the whole house went in.I drew a picture of the dinosaurs i saw incase people didn't believe me, they are partly red because my green felt ran out half way through.I think it would be good to paint it matt black and put steel spikes all over it and draw demons on the front, however I have added an image of another possible customization option for people who like horses.On heavy duty spin cycle it sort of sounds a bit like the tortured howls of 1000 undead writhing in the sulphury pits of hell mixed with a train with carriages full of scrap iron sliding down the road with no wheels, on fire, into a bell factory.Thankfully it's bite is not as bad as it's bark. It washes fine, completes cycles, does everything it's supposed to.It leaks a bit when it's running, always has.Its a bit grubby, could do with a wipe down, I refuse to touch it because I'm still getting over the whole dinosaur scare thing.If your in a fix and need a cheap washing machine and are either completely deaf or hate your neighbours this baby is for you.$1 reserve, pick up only, Waterview Auckland.Selling to pay for my counseling.


EndlessCompassion said...

This blog is a great read. I came across it when I found your Family Fist logo on Google. I had made one almost exactly the same for a group on Facebook, so thought I should let you know. Great to come across your blog (and you're in NZ). Cool. I'm starting a campaign that says logically, if you have a right to smack kids to discipline and guide them, then you should also be allowed to slap handicapped people and old folks with alzheimers. C'mon, it's for their own good.

Cory Bantick

Canterbury Atheists said...

Gidday there Cory,

Thanks for your support, mate.

There was a piss-taking site www.righttosmack.com which has sadly become defunct.

Normally I dub-them Family First Party Poopers (do a search on the blog for more articles)

You are welcome to plagiarise any material from my site, if you were to resurrect 'right to smack' or do similar – happy to know it’s going to a good cause!