Wednesday, January 28, 2009

Which set of Ten Commandments do we follow?


Even the most staunch, theologian would agree this Ten Commandments business - is a right royal mess.

For starters, there were two tablets of stone x two = four in total.

The first set, containing Ten Commandments, etched by God himself, were smashed after the 80 year old, polygamist Moses came down from Mount Sinai & became pissed-off when he found the Israelites worshipping a golden cow.

Moses then mixed the crushed cow with water and made a ‘tasty concoction’ for the Israelites to drink down.

But then Moses, got guilt-pains over destroying the tablets and sheepishly called on God to run-up another couple.

Now the 2nd ‘replacement’ set of tablets were not carved by God, but by Moses, under Gods dictation.

Now here’s the problem.

There were two different sets of Commandments – not one unified set.

Here’s what was on the first set, the one Moses smashed in his hissy-fit:

1. Thou shalt worship no other god (For the Lord is a jealous god)
2. Thou shalt make thee no molten gods.
3. The feast of unleavened bread shalt thou keep in the month when the ear is on the corn.
4. All the first-born are mine.
5. Six days shalt thou work, but on the seventh thou shalt rest.
6. Thou shalt observe the feast of weeks, even of the first fruits of the wheat harvest, and the feast of ingathering at the year's end.
7. Thou shalt not offer the blood of my sacrifice with leavened bread.
8. The fat of my feast shall not remain all night until the morning.
9. The first of the first fruits of thy ground thou shalt bring unto the house of the Lord thy God.
10. Thou shalt not seethe a kid in its mother's milk.

Here’s what was the 2nd set which is what is the ‘popularised version’ –we get rammed down our throats:

1. I am the Lord your God, who brought you out of the land of Egypt, out of the house of bondage. You shall have no other gods before me.
2. You shall not make for yourself a graven image. You shall not bow down to them or serve them.
3. You shall not take the name of the Lord your God in vain.
4. Remember the Sabbath day, to keep it holy.
5. Honour your father and your mother.
6. You shall not kill.
7. You shall not commit adultery.
8. You shall not steal.
9. You shall not bear false witness against your neighbor.
10. You shall not covet.


It’s only when you start looking at the unintelligible, absurdities on the first set, that you see why Christians never get around to mentioning them, let alone leading their lives according to the original word of God and now prefer to take heed to the second ‘replacement’ set.

Ask yourself………

“Thou shalt not seethe a kid in its mother's milk” – Oh great a goat recipe.

“All the first-born are mine” – sounds like something from the creepy script of a Hamer Horror movie or a remake of ‘The Omen’.

“The feast of unleavened bread shalt thou keep in the month when the ear is on the corn’ – we all don’t live in Montana fella, tell us something modern man can understand.

“Thou shalt not offer the blood of my sacrifice with leavened bread” – bummer, I was so looking forward to that.

“Thou shalt make thee no molten gods” – so we’ll make them out of wood, like that command will stop us (puts on voice like Homer Simpson)

“Thou shalt observe the feast of weeks, even of the first fruits of the wheat harvest, and the feast of ingathering at the year's end” – can I get undressed and dance naked as well?

“The fat of my feast shall not remain all night until the morning” – God can see the condition of your BBQ and it’s about time you cleaned it.

So when ever you are asked to debate ‘The Ten Commandments’ come over all pious and righteous by dismissing the ‘popular’ set as being some sort of poor ‘Pepsi’ imitations when you want ‘the real thing’.

Point-out the 2nd tablets were not inscribed by God, but by a old doddery mortal like Moses.

Take ‘the higher ground'.

Pronounce boldly & defiantly, that you only believe in the Commandments written by Gods infallible hands.

Then ask for their “first born” and do they know a local restaurant specialising in Goat?

Nicely, of course.


8 comments:

mikespeir said...

Probably not entirely relevant to the topic, but how do you crush a malleable metal like gold to dust fine enough that it will remain suspended in water long enough to drink?

Josh said...

Perhaps there should be a movement to put up the original ten commandments in public places rather than the impostor ones. Rub their faces in their own absurdity.

Andrew said...

Maybe God wanted to credit His people with the intelligence to not kill without being told, but then when He saw that they'd start worshipping a golden calf if He turned His back for one minute He thought He'd better spell out the basics before He started on the goat cooking tips.

Canterbury Atheists said...

You are on to it!

You can play this out beautifully.

Demand all those 2nd tare ten commandments lurking in public buildings are replaced with the original word of God, not some re-write by a mortal.

Get all indignatious, with Christians who don’t know their scripture and use the Bible to beat them at their own game.

Have fun.

Paul.

Mr Dennis said...

Before you believe any of that nonsense guys, wait for some references for that first set of commandments - it's just a random selection of ten old testament Jewish laws.

Canterbury Atheists said...

Hmmm Sam,

Hear what you are saying!

Using your arguement this would mean 1st commandment ‘Thou shalt worship now other God’ only applies when it appears on the second tablets and not the first set.

What was written on the first tablets was carved into the stone by God himself.

Since both sets do no longer exist – we have to rely on what has been passed via the Bible as true testament and fact.

It’s very convenient therefore to dismiss one set of commandments as ‘Jewish Laws’ (“The first born is mine” is a Jewish law?) and then accept another set as the true ones.

Had the mortal Moses not destroyed the 1st set – it would still be the one being practiced today and believers like you would watch what you did with Goats and their milk.

Thanks for your input.

See ya.

Paul.

Eric said...

one word for the drinking of gold my friend Goldshlager! yum cant wait to anger the lord now!

Andre said...

Let me prefeace by saying I am in agreement that this can be confusing.

but the set of commandment you list as being written by moses is actually the first set.

Exodus 20:1-17 is as followed:

Commandments in BOLD

1 And God spake all these words, saying,

2 I am the LORD thy God, which have brought thee out of the land of Egypt, out of the house of bondage.

3 Thou shalt have no other gods before me.

4 Thou shalt not make unto thee any graven image, or any likeness of any thing that is in heaven above, or that is in the earth beneath, or that is in the water under the earth:

5 Thou shalt not bow down thyself to them, nor serve them: for I the LORD thy God am a jealous God, visiting the iniquity of the fathers upon the children unto the third and fourth generation of them that hate me;

6 And showing mercy unto thousands of them that love me, and keep my commandments.

7 Thou shalt not take the name of the LORD thy God in vain; for the LORD will not hold him guiltless that taketh his name in vain.

8 Remember the sabbath day, to keep it holy.

9 Six days shalt thou labour, and do all thy work:

10 But the seventh day is the sabbath of the LORD thy God: in it thou shalt not do any work, thou, nor thy son, nor thy daughter, thy manservant, nor thy maidservant, nor thy cattle, nor thy stranger that is within thy gates:

11 For in six days the LORD made heaven and earth, the sea, and all that in them is, and rested the seventh day: wherefore the LORD blessed the sabbath day, and hallowed it.

12 Honour thy father and thy mother: that thy days may be long upon the land which the LORD thy God giveth thee.

13 Thou shalt not kill.

14 Thou shalt not commit adultery.

15 Thou shalt not steal.

16 Thou shalt not bear false witness against thy neighbour.

17 Thou shalt not covet thy neighbour's house, thou shalt not covet thy neighbour's wife, nor his manservant, nor his maidservant, nor his ox, nor his ass, nor any thing that is thy neighbour's.



that's the set he came off the mountain with.

then in EXODUS 34:12-26

obviously after the first hince "EXODUS 34" it reads:

12 Take care, lest you make a covenant with the inhabitants of the land to which you go, lest it become a snare in your midst.

13 You shall tear down their altars and break their pillars and cut down their Asherim

14 for you shall worship no other god, for the LORD, whose name is Jealous, is a jealous God),

15 lest you make a covenant with the inhabitants of the land, and when they whore after their gods and sacrifice to their gods and you are invited, you eat of his sacrifice,

16and you take of their daughters for your sons, and their daughters whore after their gods and make your sons whore after their gods.

17 "You shall not make for yourself any gods of cast metal.

18 "You shall keep the Feast of Unleavened Bread. Seven days you shall eat unleavened bread, as I commanded you, at the time appointed in the month Abib, for in the month Abib you came out from Egypt.

19 All that open the womb are mine, all your male livestock, the firstborn of cow and sheep.

20The firstborn of a donkey you shall redeem with a lamb, or if you will not redeem it you shall break its neck. All the firstborn of your sons you shall redeem. And none shall appear before me empty-handed.

21"Six days you shall work, but on the seventh day you shall rest. In plowing time and in harvest you shall rest.

22 You shall observe the Feast of Weeks, the firstfruits of wheat harvest, and the Feast of Ingathering at the year’s end.

23 Three times in the year shall all your males appear before the LORD God, the God of Israel.

24 For I will cast out nations before you and enlarge your borders; no one shall covet your land, when you go up to appear before the LORD your God three times in the year.

25 "You shall not offer the blood of my sacrifice with anything leavened, or let the sacrifice of the Feast of the Passover remain until the morning.

26 The best of the first fruits of your ground you shall bring to the house of the LORD your God.

You shall not boil a young goat in its mother’s milk."

make of it what you may...........