Sunday, April 5, 2009

Catholic Church Want Adult-Toy Billboard Banned.

Well boo-hoo, wop de f*ck, a Wellington billboard has upset the hierarchy of the Catholic Church, who want it down.

On the billboard advertisement for D.Vice designer sex gear, four parishioners are pictured in a church.

Three have their eyes closed, hands clasped, praying but the fourth, a woman, is smiling and below her is a tagline describing a sexual aid and its price.

The firm's marketing spokesman, Rene Bros, said the campaign showed people thinking about sex while doing everyday tasks such as ironing, going to the bank or attending church.

The underlying question to ponder first and foremost is: what business is a billboard of this nature, to a bunch of celibate old men?

Let us not forget, and stand-proud as a nation, basking in the knowledge New Zealand women are amongst the largest consumers of love-toys per head in the world.

Nice ‘garden-variety’ Catholic housewives form a significant part of that market, and keep Union Carbide’s shareholders happy as well.

Bishop Dew and crew need to remind themselves, the products of their ‘good Catholic education’, employ the likes of ‘chocolate body paint’ or ‘naughty bunny vibrating ring’ (pictured above) to enhance their sex lives, and nothing he says will change this.

Whilst the hierarchy of The Catholic Church, have long since given-up on what to do with their reproductive organs – the rest of us Kiwi’s haven’t.

To have some modern-day self-imposed eunuch, like Bishop John Dew, telling Kiwi’s the rights and wrongs of sex is the equivalent of a teetotaler arguing the relative qualities of single malts.

Doesn’t this bunch of old codgers with dog-collars, know every-time they utter platitudes of this nature, most New Zealanders laugh and ridicule them?

Isn’t it high time the Catholic Church employed a sharp media liaison officer, to vet what comes out into the media from Catholic Inc, to prevent mass (get the pun) amusement of the kind we have here?

On the D.Vice site I found, what initially I thought would be the perfect gift for Bishop Dew, to while-away those lonely nights, in his single bed.


But then after a more thorough inspection of the web-site, I rescinded that suggestion.

I later found something else I felt was more appropriate, for a man of his ilk (and no it isn’t a blow-up choir boy).


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