Saturday, September 6, 2008

Pedophile Preacher claims ‘New Zealand is on God’s Radar’

This tough looking geezer is the charismatic evangelist Todd Bentley, originally from Canada, but of late resident of Florida, where he’s made a name and large fortune, in short order I might add, both for himself, and his church.

Familiar to North Americans, this tattooed version of Benny Hinn on steroids, graced New Zealand shores in February of this year, as a guest of The Fusion Church.

Seven months ago, Todd Bentley had just begun serving his ‘fake-healer apprenticeship’, and working your way up the ranks for any stage performer, means touring out- of-the-way locations & small venues, like Auckland’s Town-Hall.

Fusion, with strong links with the Elim Church, really went overboard in their public endorsement of Bentley.

“We believe Todd Bentley's New Zealand visit will be one of the most significant events in years for our nation”.

“Todd will lift us to another level in faith, revelation and the supernatural”

That’s high praise indeed (no pun intended).

Todd was able to return this mutual admiration in his own pre-tour statement, waxing “God has New Zealand on his radar”, which is refreshing endorsement for believers from one so in tune with God.

So who is the Todd Bentley of Lakeland, Florida, ‘A list’ evangelist?

To whom do Kiwi’s owe such a great deal of gratitude, bordering on 2nd coming expectancy?

Let’s look at Todd Bentley's file, the one that apparently fell behind the cabinet, at Fusion Church H.Q in Auckland:

• Bentley had done prison time for sexually molesting a 7 year old boy. What do you call adults who prey on children again? It begins with ‘p’, right?

• He was recently caught bonking one of his Church assistants (female, this time) and subsequently his wife took off with the kids.

• Todd claims he can take people to ‘a third heaven’ (don’t ask me to elaborate on this sort of crap, may be this 3rd heaven was in reference to what he get’s up-to with the assistant?)

• Keeps a running-total of the number of people he’s raised from the dead. It’s currently at 32 as best I can tell, but this tally of walking-dead seems to vary, depending on audience numbers, income demographics etc.

• Wants us to believe he has an angel that assists him with his healing. The angel is a she (well most of the time at least) called Emma. Look, get with it guys, these days Angels need names we can all relate to.

• Emma is actually a ‘hallowed tooth fairy’ in disguise. Hardened skeptics are floored as Emma makes gold magically appear in the form of fillings, of all things. Be amazed at this video, I didn’t believe my eyes,and nor will you!

• His stage act includes Jesus himself, that’s right the physical manifestation of God. Only Jesus never appeared as predicted on the night Todd told everyone he would.

• Speaking about stage acts, this dude has managed to combine elements of professional wrestling, and old time tent-show evangelism. Now that is novel, doubtless a market differentiation, measured against more traditional fake-healing. But some-what a dangerous activity to undertake one thinks,in view of the fact all of the people hiking-it on to Todd'stage, are ill, sometimes terminally (footnote; parents, don't let the kids try this at home)

I could have continued merrily listing more of Todd Bentley’s indiscretions and vacuous claims, such was the amount of juicy gossip circulating on the internet on this guy. A veritable smorgasbord that would turn the waters of tabloid press red within seconds, and all available to any God-fearing Fusion/Elim Church member who has access to the internet & further dabbled enough to know about a lesser known search-engine called ‘google’.

But I obviously I’m a great bloke, so why bother dishing-out more dirt, there’s plenty of stuff already listed above.

Enough for you to work-out what exactly he ‘lifted’ when he toured New Zealand in February. Metaphorically, the wallets of 700 suckers at $75 a head who turned-up to listen to him (oops sorry almost forgot Emma for one second) ‘them’ preach.

God may well have New Zealand on his radar, but I’d suggest there’s a number of Psychologists who have Bentley ‘bleeping’ in their own.

Let’s not beat about the bush here.

Repeat after me: “Todd Bentley IS……….nuts, loopy, maniacal, dippy, 9 bottles in the dozen, kooky, haywire, bonkers, unhinged, screwball”.

Ape F*cking Mad!

Any neutral who has viewed his antics on You Tube surely, has to agree, with this arms-length diagnosis, on his mental state of health.

What would happen if a work-mate told you “ I’ve got an angel assisting me and she/he sprinkles gold dust in our office”?

Dial the looney-bin is the likely answer!

In fact the only humans on this planet who have failed to recognise this guy ‘is not full quid’ are the very same people that have made him a millionaire.

Include in this ranks, the members of New Zealand’s Fusion and Elim Churches.

This entire group shares the same colour in their sky as Todd, which differs from the one we can see above our own heads.

The ‘relationship’ between Todd, Emma, New Zealand and God Almighty doesn’t’ end with this tour earlier this year.

Oh no, this get’s a lot weirder, peoples (yes indeed, it is possible!)

In Part Two, you’ll get to read about a Kiwi character I’ve dubbed ‘Rob the Revelator’ ,a ‘magic boomerang’, plus the said inked Pedophile Pastor.

Stay tuned.

PS; Is this characture off Sesame Street,who I think it is?

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

It bothers me to know he has followers who believe he's for real. I, too, think the guy needs rubber walls, a long-sleeved jacket that ties in the back and a heavy dose of medicinal doping. This whole Joel's Army thing he's involved with is disturbing.