Wednesday, September 10, 2008

Nothing like, a Cup of Java and a Gang-Bang


There’s a new cool ‘boutique’ mountain-bike shop that’s opened-up here in Christchurch. It also doubles as a coffee shop, so I’m able to combine two passions under the one roof. It was whilst supping a ‘tall black’ at this said establishment, I got reading their brief, but fabulously interesting store promo entitled ‘The History of Coffee’.

In short, one of the legends regarding Coffee goes like this: The Archangel Gabriel slipped the prophet Mohammed a drink of mocha, which saved him from the sleeping sickness. This beverage was black as the Holy Black Stone of Mecca, and it gave Mohammed the strength to kill 40 enemies & honour 40 women.

It’s not mentioned whether or not, the forty women where on intimate terms term’s with the prophet prior to the en-masse, impromptu ‘honouring’. Neither, was the little matter of whether, Mohammed first slaughtered & banged, banged then slaughtered, or casually when back and forward from banging to slaughtering etc.

Having known he was like, I would have imagined the female populous of Medina in 595 AD would try and avoid Mohammed when he was ‘on the caffeine’, done their dandiest to hide all the pre-industrial espresso machines, every-time ‘the big M’ hit town (Monty Python skit anyone?)

The time-frame in the legend is rather vague as well, but he is a prophet from God so I’m presuming 40 women in one sitting is not out of realms of possibility for one so lofty (no pun intended, but one naturally presumes the size organ was in-line with his prowess) Which makes you wonder why he stopped at forty, and didn’t just shoot for triple figures?



After learning all this, one thing I will be doing, is looking out for the blockbuster movie.

I understand a film loosely based on this story will be shot in Denmark with Sam Peckinpah directing, and Salman Rustie playing the lead role (unfortunately Ron Jeremy was pre-disposed on the set of Butt Girls 4) Starbucks are financing the deal.

You don’t have to be a film executive to realise, indiscriminate sex & violence, plus coffee make an unbeatable combination!


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