Sunday, September 7, 2008

The Bizarre Case of The Magic Boomerang, The Kiwi that Speaks to God, and the Paedophile Pastor.

When Todd BENTley made his trip down-under earlier this year, he also made Australia’s, Gold Coast, one of his stops.

Now remember at this juncture of Todd’s fake-healing career, he was on the bottom rung, working his way up to fame, and more importantly fortune.

The inner circle that knew he was a convicted child molester were keeping stum, and his philandering was to surface publically later.

It was in Queensland, BENTley caught up with Auckland based Pastor Rob deLuca (pictured above) who runs his own 'happy-clappy' church, the rather appropriately named ‘His Way International’.

His Way describes itself as “a friendly dynamic young church in Auckland city New Zealand led by Pastor Rob deLuca. His Way Church holds church services, home cells, encounter groups, Sunday school and prayer group meetings. His Way Church invites Auckland youth to find His Way”

What, it doesn’t say in the publicity blurb is, Pastor Rob claims to have the gift of prophecy or visions from God.

This may be because a great many Kiwi’s share the contention, that the only place you’ll find people who believe that ‘God talks to me’ are in mental institutions, specifically rooms where the walls are lined.

Tip: from here on in, where necessary, replace the word ‘delusion’ where you see/hear ‘vision’ and these messianic prophecies will begin to make some sense.

Anyway back to March, Todd and Rob, end-up at wince-inducing 'Downpour Conference' in Queensland (with a corny name you’d think the main topic would be Climate change)

Excitement builds in the crowd when self-appointed Pastor De Luca summons self-appointed Pastor BENTley on to the stage.

Here’s what happens……..

Let’s examine what God had to say again, remembering this vision came straight from ‘the big guy’ via his earthly emissary Pastor deLuca:

“I saw a human boomerang flying out of Canada and it hit the nation of England, it hit the nation of Australia, it hit the nation of New Zealand, and it came spinning around”.

“I saw Todd Bentley--your name on the boomerang, but I knew that it was the Lord showing me that it was you, and I saw it fly back around and it came and hit America”

With the f*ck is a human boomerang? The concept is imbecilic, resembling the imaginative doodlings of a seven year old. Was the fact Rob was in Australia, he came up with this Aboriginal connection? Or were the range of boomerang’s Rob gazed upon at Brisbane Duty-Free on the way in , so indelibly etched into his consciousness, that these ‘primitive wooden hunting tools’ were the first thing that sprung in to his furtive mind when the pressure went on?

You're gonna bring something very strong to Florida”.

Fair’s, fair, in due respect to Rob and hat-tip to God, you were on the money here. Since Todd hit Lakeland, Florida there’s a strong whiff of Pentecostal bull-shit in the air and on the airwaves.

“I saw the Father hit this hammer and it hit you”

So it was God that instructed Todd to combine pro-wrestling into his stage act, wow.

“There's something brewing so big and so strong that it's going to waste the nation with God's glory, definitely, in Jesus name”

Are you sure President Bush’s press-secretary wasn’t in on this line? He’s another who claims to hear God. Mind-you the Old Testament God wasn’t too adverse ‘wasting’ things himself.

“Thank You for New Zealand. I thank You Father that people will come from all over the world and taste and see the impartation of the effects of revival that has been tasted even in the last week”

What exactly are we Kiwi’s meant to be tasting here Pastor Rob?

Magic mushrooms?

Illicit hallucinogens?

These seem to me, to be a faster and more fun way of joining-in your conversations with God.

If God is going to impart his great wisdom, perhaps he might put a rider out to Pastor Rob, what say via ‘a human didgeridoo’ this time since boomerang has been used, with a useful warning, not to let the kids play ‘bouncy bouncy on Uncle Todd’s lap.

And what is the salutary lesson to be learnt looking back at Pastor BENTley and his apologists like deLuca?

Porcelain Gods ultimately break.

Beware false prophets - take a stand!
My fortune cookie cracked up in my hand,
More advice to fill up your head
More empty words from the living dead-
Who seek to explain what can't really be said-
And how disappointed I was
To turn out after all -
Just a porcelain God -
that shatters when it falls-
Too much will kill you - too little ain't enough
You shout my name but I'll call your bluff
Most who see me - see me not for real
We fake & fawn - play games 'til dawn
But I could see what you can see
And I hate too what you hate in me -
And how disappointed I am
To find me part of no plan -
Just a porcelain God -
that shatters when it falls

I shake it off and start again
"Don't lose control" - I tell myself,
Life can take many things away -
Some people will try - and take it all
They'll pick off pieces as they watch you crawl
And how disappointed I was
To turn out after all -
Just a porcelain God –
That shatters when it falls-
That shatters when it falls.
[Paul Weller]

1 comment:


thank you for creating this blog!
I am living with in-laws, who are all devout Jehovahs Witnesses and this is my "saving grace"
thank you!