Sign-up for ‘Mail-Order Immortality’ before it’s too late!!

When I first stumbled upon, ‘The New Zealand Conditional Immortality Association’, my initial thoughts were, that this has got to be a giant piss-take (but on further reflection, sidelined such titillating thoughts when I remembered Kiwi students are far too busy burning couches & paying-off loans these days, to come-up with humorous scams like this)

I mean, just the corny abbreviation C.I.A has to raise alarm bells.

Closer inspection turned my amusement into bemusement, when I established - these guys are serious!

In fact deadly serious (get the pun?)

What’s more fellow Kiwi’s, the doyens at ‘N.Z.C.I.A.’ have made the road to immortality, ridiculously simple.

Frankly, it’s a piece of piss.

1.) Tick a few statements on their web site called a ‘Statement of Faith’
2.) Fill in their membership form
3.) Stick a 50 cent stamp on to the envelope
4.) Send away to a Post Office Box in Takinini.

Tip 1: Make sure you include a return name & address.

Then, it’s a matter of waiting patiently & doubtlessly anxiously, for your membership card to arrive.

Tip 2: Get them to courier the card back. You wouldn’t want to die suddenly and be caught without it, would you?

Picture the excitement as the postman arrives with your ‘ticket to immortality’.

This beats that fictitious Willy Wonker and that his naff golden ticket, any day.

Now I’m thinking a few of you may have some nagging doubts as to the validity of any outfit that’s promising the equivalent of ‘mail-order eternal life’.

Let me put these suspicions to rest once and for all folks, by posting a photo of head honcho at The New Zealand Conditional Immortality Association.

This is David Burge.

Credit where, credit is due, David even publishes a magazine on behalf of the association.

‘From Death to Life’ is the title of the quarterly mag (come on, you must have heard of it?)

And this Association is far from a one man band.

As if further reassurance was necessary, David solicits regular journalistic input ‘selling the after life’, from luminaries, such as:

Beryl Joy Ching!

Seriously folks, look at the ‘old dear’.

I’m half expecting Beryl to knit soul coveralls.

Paul Cooney is the gentleman pictured above, a vital cog in the machinery of immortality.

Rather conveniently Paul also happens to run Resurrection Funeral Services Limited.

It’s fair to say you could not be in better hands once you depart this mortal coil. Rest in peace, knowing Paul will ensure your Immortality Membership Card is firmly clasped in right hand, well before the lid goes-on.

Boy oh boy, have the squad at N.Z.C.I.A got all the bases covered, or what?

Take a 2nd take at those photos, and you’ll soon realise what a switched-on bunch you’re dealing with here, and more prudently, why you should entrust your soul into their capable hands.

By any measure, eternity is a long time, and each contraction of your heart muscle means the time to send that form away to P.O Box 202162, Takinini - is now!

So what are you waiting for New Zealand??

Immortality is within reach, and without all that messy & expensive cryogenics.

Click here (and say Canterbury Atheists sent you, for a 25% Discount)