Canterbury Atheist

God Riddance to God from Schools

2009-11-04T15:24:00.003+13:00

Mrs Button is your year-eight child’s teacher.

One day your child comes home and tells you a strange tale of an ‘E Meter’ she is using on the class to test their personalities.

This has you bemused and a little bit worried, so you do some detective work by asking around the other parents in the class if their children also report such ‘tests’.

The result is that all Mrs Button’s children have similar stories to report.

You decide to approach Mrs Button about these strange goings-on, you want no part of.

At the scheduled meeting in the classroom a picture of L.Ron Hubbard, the founder of Scientology, hangs from the wall.

Rather than being reticent Mrs. Button goes on the attack claiming it is her heritage and right.

You are unsatisfied at her justification for indoctrinating your child with stories of alien war-lords, so you march off to the head-masters to complain.

The headmaster is sympathetic, but tells you there is nothing he can do.

He says he has been deluged by parent complaints similar to the one you are telling.

Mr Copland in Year 6 is a Mormon and filling his kids minds with tales of Joseph Smith.

Mrs Abdula gets her class to bow to Mecca.

The headmaster yearns for the day when all religious education is banned from the school.

So where is this going?

Yesterday, The European Court of Human Rights ruled against the use of crucifixes in classrooms in Italy.

They want secular education to be just that – religion free rather than ‘religion-lite’.

For those that are howling at this decision to remove Christian symbols from classes as some form of denial of traditional histrionics or the principals of Christian doctrine, I’m presuming are comfortable having children occupying a classroom with a picture of L.Ron Hubbard or Joseph Smith on the wall?

Or is it only when your own chosen superstitious clap-trap is removed from classes you feel some sort of betrayal?

Jesus was an Ugly Blackman

2009-11-02T13:23:00.001+13:00

PS: I am getting better with my crappy Windows Movie Maker - even if I do say so myself.

The GODS of The Bible

2009-10-27T08:27:00.002+13:00

I've just released my first You Tube Video entitled 'The GODS of The Bible.'

There are after-all many Gods in the pages of The Bible.

Gods which a singular jealous God called Yahweh and his followers want us to now ignore.

Enjoy and be enlightened.

Religions Unheralded Role in New Zealand’s Suicide Statistics.

2009-10-23T09:20:00.004+13:00

New Zealand has one of the worst levels of suicide in the world & youth suicide in this country is a major issue.

The reasons for suicide are complex and often linked to mental health problems - depression being the number one precursor.

SPINZ (Suicide Prevention Information NZ) is the national body charged with reducing suicide in this country by providing the public with preventative strategies such as improving self-esteem.

Some of these ‘red lights’ family members and friends should look for include:

- Feeling down all the time
- Say that life isn’t worth living
- Get into death image and music
- Use alcohol in excess or drugs
- Acting ‘out of it’, dangerous or violent
- Out of character risk-taking
- Changes in personality

Despite the comprehensiveness of sites like SPINZ there was a disturbing oversight in their advice.

They all failed to deal with one of the lesser-known causes of suicide.

The ugly ‘throw-back’ child that is spoken about in hushed tones even in professional circles, as if it didn’t exist.

We are not talking about the easy cubby-holes of death metal and Marilyn Manson – its belief in the after life & the false hope entities, homo-erectus chimps have named, Gods offer to those seeking help.

International Suicide research shows there is a major ‘at risk’ group that feels they are disenfranchised from their families, peers and society as a whole. This is why homosexuals are over represented in suicide statistics.

Those that fail to integrate into the mainstream are therefore vulnerable, so are those that have suffered a relationship breakdown.

So back to the whispered role religion plays in suicide – the taboo subject within the taboo subject.

Religious apologists argue that ‘good’ comes from religious adherence and individuals are instilled a belief they are loved unconditionally, are part of a community and have a greater purpose.

Theist beliefs and those ‘at risk’ therefore have to be dealt with as a whole.

The success stories of those turned around at the edge of the cliff by a new found belief in God are touted publicly - but what about the failures?

When religion fails to treat the symptoms or makes them worse we hear nothing?

Surely it is the role of the state (via SPINZ etc) to monitor bogus treatments in this contentious and convoluted area of human-psychiatry and highlight the possible dangers of indoctrinating often mentally-ill individuals with tales of invisible beings and Lord of The Rings type stories with unicorns and seven-headed dragons?

Offering someone hope is fine – but what if that hope is a false one?

Placing a meme in someone mind that “Jesus loves you” if no one else does is meaningless in itself when your own crap-life continues spiraling out of control and you still see no way out of your hole.

What happens if the only person who supposedly loves you unconditionally also lets you down when you seek their help?

What happens if you are Gay and you get told you are inherently evil and need ‘rescuing’?

Hold-on, if you listen hard to what your new found buddies are telling-you there is a way out from the dark-times!

A place which by definition of the word is: paradise.

It’s called ‘heaven’.

How does one get to this place?

Well the quickest way to get to heaven is not to give your life to Christ and wait for old-age – simply kill your-self.

You can be re-united with love ones, live an infinite ethereal existence without the pain.

Rub shoulders with Mother Teresa, Martin Luther, a whole bunch of virginal Popes and if you so desire it Peter Pan & the interesting half The Beatles as well.

Instead of dealing with the ‘issues’ of those with suicidal tendencies in certain individuals religion offers not just offers false-hope but a way-out – the imaginary ‘after-life’.

For those that doubt the power of religious indoctrination & suicide I have a one word answer: Martyrdom.

Note: The letter at the top of the article is an actual 'Suicide Note'.

I Say Bring-on The Rapture!

2009-10-21T09:55:00.004+13:00

I hope the Christian God gets some time-off in his busy schedule to read this fervent plea.

Diary reading my dissertation in-between devastating South Pacific Islands with tsunamis and giving some innocent an incurable disease.

BRING-ON THE RAPTURE!

I prostrate myself in your presence begging-you to whisk your believers off this planet and up-into the heavens.

The effect would be an immediate increase in the average IQ scores of at least 10 points.

Scientists and researchers could go about their business without baseless interference and as a result the life expediency would, in time, increase.

There would be no need to go-out murdering and maiming in your name any more.

People would judge other humans on their merits, not on their sex or sexuality.

Mankind could prevent the AID’s epidemic in Africa spreading further with the mass distribution of condoms your followers say are evil. Millions on that Continent would be saved.

All the time, effort and money that are currently wasted on worshipping you can be better directed into education, health care, feeding the hungry etc etc.

Boy oh boy, there are just so many positives that would result in you ridding planet-earth of all your devotees.

So stop pissing about 'Big Fella' and send that one way ticket to the clouds to your followers - before they drive me crazy and mankind back into cave dwellers!

It’s a win/win for all parties involved.

Yours sincerely.

‘One of the Home Team’.

PS: Oh yeah, another benefit for us heathen-types is the standard of music would go up proportionately as well.

Lay-Preacher – now there’s an appropriate name if there ever was one

2009-10-19T09:24:00.004+13:00

The disturbing and bizarre sex-life of a New Zealand lay-preacher, was exposed to public scrutiny in District Court dispositions last week.

The lay preacher, who also ironically moon-lighted as a marriage guidance counselor, is facing claims he sexually abused and stalked two of his ex-wives and a stepson.

The man, whose name, job and church role is suppressed for now, is now facing trial early next year on seven counts of sexual violation, six counts of indecent assault and 11 other charges relating to his former wives. There are also two indecency charges relating to his stepson.

The preacher claims all three aggrieved parties conspired together as part of a vendetta.

However The District Court said there was enough evidence for him to face trial.

His first wife told the court they began having marital problems due to his sexual demands and sort help with Church elders. At one of these meetings church elders basically rubber-stamped his desire for ‘sex on demand’ by telling her there was religious justification that "my body belonged to my husband".

In what must be one of the corniest demands for sex every presented to a court the first wife alleged her ex-husband propositions involved putting his hands on her and saying "Be healed in Jesus name." If sex did not result, he was alleged to have repeated the action until it did.

After separating, she claimed he apologised for the sexual assaults, saying his problem & justification stemmed from a sexual relationship with his mother as a teenager.

The second wife alleged that among the assaults she was raped in a spa pool in front of another family member.

Her son also claimed to be abused by the ‘man of God.’

Wife ‘two’ said she too went through the sham church-led marriage counselling, claiming she was told that if she refused her husband sex then he was free to perform a sex act with her against her will.

You can be sure there will be more sordid details to come-out next year when the full trial is set to start, along with the name of the dysfunctional church involved.

This Atheist Goddess can ride-on my Red Bus any-day

2009-10-12T09:27:00.008+13:00

When I first spotted Richard Dawkins with this delectable piece of female flesh promoting the Atheist Bus Campaign in the U.K, my initial impression was she was in-on the photo-shoot as a piece of eye-candy.

Boy was I was wrong and way out-of-the-loop on this ("Geography is my only defense, your honour.")

The lady in the photo, Dawkins is clinging to, in a fatherly fashion of course, is none other than Ariane Sherin – the creator of the bus campaign!

Yes, it was Ariane’s idea.

Here’s a link to her blog – including details on her new book ‘The Atheists Guide to Christmas’.

More importantly, here’s more photo’s of this Uber Atheist Poster Girl.

Make that centre-fold (if I had my lewd way)

PS: If there is a slight-hint these writings are nothing-more than the sexist ramblings of a some-what sad middle-aged man, you are completely correct in your summation.

Let’s call an end to this Interfaith Crap!

2009-10-09T11:22:00.005+13:00

From the outset let’s get this straight - the term ‘inter-faith’ is nothing of the sort.

The term is an oxymoron.

The fact Governments see the necessity to coerce the different religions around the one table in the first-place, is indicative enough of the fact ‘inter-faith’ is nothing but a shame & a total waste of tax-payers money (although great for MP’s frequent-flyer points)

No talk feast will ever change the theological chasm that separates religions as diverse, weird & wonderful as Scientology and Jesus Christ and The Later Day Saints.

Yes people, the New Zealand Government sees fit to invite even the followers of the intergalactic war-lord Xenu over for a chat-over tea and biscuits.

Politicians appear to be oblivious to the fact that every religious representative that sits down at that table in so-called ‘dialogue’ thinks they are right and the individual person next to them is totally wrong, and unless they come around to their way of thinking are doomed to some retribution in the afterlife.

Have they not observed Churches around the globe going out of their way to ignore human rights?

Shooting and bombing each other out of existence.

Do they not know ‘The War on Terror’ is but a politically-correct wank-term for a ‘War on Radical Religion’?

In a grand irony it is these very same Governments that organise these inter-faith bitch-sessions are the same-ones that go out of their way to pander to the varying superstitions, allowing them to engage in behaviour normally labeled sexist or homophobic under the guise of their beliefs, even supporting them to develop their own divisive schooling-systems which perpetrate the very issues these inter-faith meetings want to address.

So it is Governments themselves that have the power and tools to rid themselves of this perpetual war of beliefs that has spilt-over into secular life and now threatens us all.

Wiping-out religious privilege is the only cure – not talk-feasts in 5 star-hotels.

To take stock of the endemic level of bureaucratic brown-nosing when it comes to superstitious-entities, what better example than looking-at what our last Minister of so-called ‘Ethnic Affairs’ got up-to.

Between February and September last year as MP for that portfolio, Chris Carter attended in an official capacity the following long-list of pointless mumbo-jumbo meetings on behalf of you and me.

As a matter of public-safety I hope our very own ‘Captain Scarlett’ Chris Carter wore his public-service issue shiny tin-foil-hat to all of these equivalents of ‘entrails-throwing under a full-moon’ to protect him from the harmful-rays The Mysterons keep shooting at us from their base on Mars.

Frankly belief in concept of a race of little-green men (with/without puppet strings)on Mars has more credibility than ‘The Birth of Baba Deep Singh’.

So why do we pander to this farcical political-correct cobblers?

Birth of Baba Deep Singh Celebration
Chinese Consulate Chinese New Year Celebration (3 of these in-fact)
International Mother Language and Martyrs Day Celebrations
Meeting with NZ Buddhist Council
Year of the Rat New Year Festival
National Interfaith Forum
Dinner with Sikh Community Leaders
Holi Celebrations
International Convention on Basava Philosophy
Ministerial Meeting on Immigration Policy and Faith Leaders
Norouz Celebrations
Opening of Shree Dham Swaminarayan Temple
Takanini Gurdwara 3rd Anniversary
Visit to Jam Tse Dhargyey Ling Buddhist Centre, Kamo
2008 Buddha’s Day Multicultural Festival, Auckland
Fourth Asia-Pacific Regional Dialogue on Interfaith Co-operation for Peace and Harmony, Cambodia
Meeting with NZ Compassion Buddhist Trust
Meeting with Waikato Muslim Association, Hamilton
Songkran Festival, Auckland
Vaisakhi Celebration at Takanini Sikh Gurdwara
2008 Buddha’s Birthday Ceremony
Khalifat Day Celebrations
St Dionysius Indian Orthodox Church Fifth Anniversary
Visit to Al Madinah School
Visit to Zayed College for Girls
2008 Moon Festival Celebrations
Meeting with NZ Muslim Association

New Zealand Olympic Committee Whores itself to I.O.C

2009-10-08T08:54:00.004+13:00

Small fish in a big pond, New Zealand athletes struggle for funding even in major sports. let alone the minor ones like Taekwondo.

This lack of funding hasn’t hindered Kiwi Olympic Games hopeful and martial arts exponent Logan Campbell.

Logan is getting the company he owns to fund his bid for Olympic glory in London.

There is one problem with his enterprise and initiative.

The business he owns happens to be a brothel and the New Zealand Olympic Committee has written to the athlete and business-owner stating:

"Based on the Olympic values of excellence, friendship and respect, we would place your actions as totally inconsistent with these values,"

"Your open solicitation of 'clients' for your 'business' while using the Olympic or Olympian connection must cease immediately, or the NZOC will be forced to consider taking legal action against you."

For the benefit of those of you reading this blog outside New Zealand – prostitution of this nature is perfectly legitimate.

So what exactly are these so-called ‘Olympic Values’ the N.Z Olympic Committee wishes to up-hold on behalf of its overseas big-brother?

There is little doubt the I.O.C were behind the bully tactics employed here.
The rampant drug-cheating by athletes?

Bribes and back-handers to committee members to pick their venue to stage the event?

Ironically one of the widely published inducements for voting a given-way, being the services of a high-priced prostitute.

Are these ‘values’ alluded to in the legalese - judges block-marking in sports like boxing and gymnastics?

What exactly has Logan Campbell done wrong?

The logical conclusion one can make from this is athletes who have availed themselves of a prostitute are automatically ineligible for games selection, so this could signal the beginning of a crack-down.

Yet, The Olympic Games should be about athletic excellence – moral judgments, race, religions should play no part in who wins or who comes last.

The guy who wins gold at London in Taekwondo could be a sexual-deviant with a string of failed relationships, collapsed businesses, Nazi party member and an all-round bastard of the highest order – so what?

Who has the right to stop any athlete winning let alone competing just because they don’t like an aspect of their background?

The I.O.C - that’s who.

Letter to Mr G. Capill C/- Rolleston Prison

2009-10-07T09:28:00.003+13:00

Dear Epitome of Virtue and Morals,

So Graham, earlier this week The Parole Board has turned-down your application for early release from ‘the clink’ starting you were “an undue risk to the safety of the community'', eh?

I guess with that denial, those applications to get your old jobs back as a Police Prosecutor & Christian College Minister – also went down the gurgler.

Far be it from me, the eptimone of the filthy secular heathen you rallied against on the outside, to point-out some of the reasons why the Parole Board may well have taken this dim-view on your ability to function as a normal human-being on the outside.

- May be it could have been those emails to friends saying that sex with one of your young victims was some-how consensual?

- They may well have spotted in your file how statements made to your Probation Officer shortly after your arrest in which you revealed those feelings of lust and excitement.

- Then again the board may also have seen that at the time of the original sentencing you offered little in terms of apologising to your victims and instead were more interested in saving your own skin - asking friends to pray for a lenient judge and prison term.

- Perhaps they took into account one of the victims was eight when you began abusing her?

But even pushing this ‘dirty washing’ to one side one moment, what you need to get your head-around Graham is The Parole Board doesn’t have the same decree of automatic forgiveness your God gives-to even the-lowest-of-the-low.

The heavenly ‘Get out of Jail Free Card’ thankfully doesn’t work when you put it on the mercenary table of The Parole Board.

In-fact it rather works against you, one thinks.

You are a profound embarrassment to all those that follow the teachings of Jesus Christ in New Zealand and at the same-time cut a hypocritical figure of derision to anyone else.

So basically: no one likes you.

But let’s stop going over stuff that is well versed, let’s try and move forward and not back.

In case your legal-team and your sycophantic supporters have missed-something, the elephant in the room, The Parole Board look at the rehabilitation of the individual during his/her time incarcerated.

The inmate’s contriteness, the ability to come to terms with their crimes.

On the last two points in respect of atonement – the ones that count - you have failed miserably.

Desperate Diego dials D for Deity

2009-10-03T08:20:00.001+13:00

The weight of expectation of a great foot-balling nation Argentina has clearly affected the already frail mental-health of its coach, South American legend, Diego Maradona.

Just four years ago he spent time in time in clinic treating his addictions to alcohol, smoking and excessive eating (the later issue resulted in a gastric by-pass)

In what is a veiled-admission “I’m not up the job” Maradona has sought divine intervention in an effort to improve his under-performing side's chances of reaching next year’s World Cup finals.

His team currently lies fifth in the continental group, one place below the final qualifying berth.

Grasping at straws Maradona is quoted telling an Argentinean radio-station “The bearded one (God) saved me many times before - and I hope he will do so this time”.

This of course isn’t the first time Maradona has sought and subsequently claimed his nameless Gods assistance.

The 1986 world champion famously dubbed in his first quarter-final goal in that year's competition the work of the “hand of God” after he punched the ball past Peter Shilton in the England goal.

In a nut-shell; he engineered the goal by cheating.

Argentina’s next ‘must-win’ game is at home against Peru, who sit bottom in the group, on October 13th.

I’m putting my money on a draw.

Move-over Joseph Goebbels, Archbishop Tomasi has hit-town

2009-10-02T09:52:00.005+13:00

In a statement (issued 29th Sept) Vatican UN Observer Archbishop Silvano Tomasi (that’s him in the photo above giving reporters a recreation, using hand-movements, what he got-up-to with a local choir-boy the night before) has lashed-out at criticism over the Catholic Church's handling of the pedophilia crisis saying the Catholic Church was “busy cleaning its own house”.

Hardly any surprise in this last sentence given the magnitude of offending.

I only hope those of have been given the onerous-task cleaning this sordid house-up are supplied a high-powered industrial-grade detergent, thick plastic gloves & a gas-mask.

In the same hissy-fit the Archbishop claims that the problems with clerical sex abuse in other churches were as big, if not bigger.

Which churches these were he didn’t expand-on but in a master-stroke of arrogance Tomasi was able to state with surety “it would be good if other institutions and authorities, where the major part of abuses are reported, could do the same and inform the media about it.”

His statement of contempt with echoes of Germany (1939-45)continued with more revelations - on par with the delusional ones St John had - and obscuration The Vatican has had centuries of expertise perfecting.

“Most abusive clergy who committed such acts were not pedophiles but homosexuals attracted to sex with adolescent males”

“Only 1.5%-5% of Catholic clergy were involved in child sex abuse”

“Rather than pedophilia, it would “be more correct” to speak of ephebophilia, a homosexual attraction to adolescent males”.

I’m not for one moment suggesting other ‘men of the cloth’ do not abuse children. So do atheists. All religions can point to a few bad apples, as can say teachers, The Police, lawyers and any other profession you can name.

But at the same rate as Catholic Clergy?

No f**king way!

These utterances are nothing but a tacky smoke-screen, a crude attempt to try and influence the media and public opinion. In-effect taking heat-off the Catholic Church.

Public perception will never change until the Church itself takes responsibility for it’s own actions and contrite statements “we are not the only ones” do nothing to change this perception & merely add fuel-to-the-flames of those, like me, that say The Vatican is more interested in preserving it’s ‘good name’ than caring for the victims. Shamefully the whole entire speech offers not one-bit of remorse.

The simple solution is turn the perpetrators (oops ‘ephebophiliacs’ we secular-heathens need to get these things right and obey our betters) over to The Police and excommunicate them.

This is the only-way of truly cleaning-up the shabby, in-denial group calling itself ‘The Holy See’ (along with a biohazard-suit)

Catholics may now prefer to call their legions of child-molesters in dog-collars the more palatable and lesser-known term ‘ephebophilia’.

To the rest of the planet they are low-down dirty kiddy-fiddling scum, not ephebohiliacs, who exploited their positions - not worthy of a decent prison cell let alone the life-long free-board, meals & pensions the Church now gives them.

The rest of society knows Homosexuals are no more or less represented in statistics relating to sex-offences - even if the Catholic Church wants to paint them as the sole arbitrators of pedophilia working under-cover in their ranks.

These logical courses of punitive action to stamp-out epidemic abuse within The Catholic Church will of course never happen, so be prepared for more contemptible propaganda and bluster like this utter-crap to keep spewing-forth from Rome’s virgin-spin-doctors.

It’s sickening and frankly embarrassing stuff for anyone who considers themselves part of The Catholic faith.

Sickly sweet, his poison seeks

For the young ones who don’t understand

The danger in his hands

With a jaundiced wink see his cunning slink

Oh trust in me my pretty one

Come walk with me my helpless one

CandymanSyrup lies upon your tongue

Gelatine saliva spills

The flash of a guillotine a smile.

Candyman - Oh Candyman

No pity for him, their misery screams

Unspeakable things

A cool missile, yes it’s in his smile

With open arms to welcome you

Beware the masked pretender

He always lies, this Candyman

Those lips conspire in treachery

To strike in cloak and dagger, see!

Candyman - Oh Candyman

And all the children, he warns “don’t tell”

Those threats are sold

With their guilt and shame they think they’re to blame

For Candyman - Oh Candyman

You were the first apart from Farid, Abdu and then there was the little-matter of…….

2009-09-30T15:52:00.006+13:00

In Egypt there is a large religious stigma attached to women being virgins on their wedding night.

So what is a less-than-chaste girl to do in order to hide her dirty secret from her perspective husband, on those conservative sands of Africa?

How does one hide that night of debauchery spent between the sheets with Farid at a seedy motel in Alexandria.

Then there was the little matter of what went-on on the back seat in Abdu’s Mercedes.

Fret not, don’t get tears on your black wedding dress - help is at hand.

For a measly 15 bucks you can purchase a ‘virginity faking-device’ made in China.

On your wedding-night you simply shove-it-up your fanny and after your new hubby does his thing – it releases a quantity of imitation blood (use your imagination here folks)

He’ll be none the wiser about Farid & Abdu, so why tell him about the drunken night with the local football team either?

There is only one problem - getting your soiled-paws on one these virginity faking-device has got hard (pun intended).

Islamic scholars with the support of The Egyptian Parliament are to blame for this lack of supply.

They have dubbed the device as 'evil' with the potential to spread vice in society (read: adults enjoying pre-marital sex & making individual choices)

They want the importers of the product punished according to Sharia law.

And what is the punishment to be meted-out the importers and re-sellers of these 'evil' virginity-fakers?

That one-punishment that fits all crimes under 'The Religion of Peace'.

Death!

Sticks and Stones may break my bones but names…..

2009-09-29T15:37:00.004+13:00

I recall a chapter of the fascinating book ‘Freakonomics’ which studied the correlation between Christian names and social status. The authors of Freakonomics (Levitt is a statistician & Dunbar a journo) looked at the statistical correlation between an individuals Christian-name and their chances at success in life and conversely the chances of ending-up in the slammer or in the poor-house. Cultural aberrations.

The premise was 'does a name matter'?

A different sort of social-study on the effect a Christian name can have was undertaken in the U.K recently by Warner Home Videos which polled 2000 Brits asking-them for their Scariest Christian Name.

The results of which indicate perception it appears - is everything.

Along with my own reasoning as to why these names were likely picked [in brackets] The Top 10 list of Superstitious Names coming-out of Britain were:

1) Damien [Omen Films]
2) Myra [Moor Murders Myra Hindley]
3) Carrie [Stephen King book and film]
4) Rosemary [Rosemarys Baby a 60’s film by Roman Polanski
5) Judas [Jesus so-called betrayer]
6) Adolf [Popular in German-speaking countries until 1945]
7) Pandora [Don’t open her box whatever you do!]
8) Regan [Linda Blair played Regan in The Exorcist]
9) Samara [Was that goth-looking girl in Jap horror The Ring]
10) Boris [no bloody idea]

The heavy influence movies have in deciding ‘what is scary name?’ is evident, although perhaps because it was a movie company behind the polling may have influenced the thinking of those answering?

The likely-fact a movie can influence an individuals perception to this degree is a frightening enough realisation in itself and an indictment on the gullibility of people.

There also appears to be a sad-lack of historic references in the list. Myra and Adolf being the only non-fictional characters [NB: The jury is out on Judas Iscariot]

If one were to pick an evil-doer from Greek mythology surely Pandora was never a A-List evil-doer like say Medusa? For what it' worth I can't ever remember meeting a Pandora nor a Medusa anyway.

So it’s interesting stuff indeed delving into the human psyche and how a name can be deemed inherently 'bad' without any substantive-evidence to back it-up or at best a throw-away reference to a 25 year-old movie.

Moving from this theme, the question I would like to pose is: are all Otago babies named David instantly damned, or whisked silently from their cradles at Dunedin Hospital at midnight by German aupairs resembling shot-putters?

Given what we know constitutes a scary name I’m also going to suggest that Hollywood is about to curse the name Leslie with the imminent release of a film about Manson Family member Leslie Van Houten (trailer below) The title is enough to do-the-trick on it’s own.

PS: As a side-issue Michael Laws has dubbed the term 'Silly First Name Syndrome' correlating the high number of New Zealand criminals & victims of crime (often their family) who have weird Christian names (google it) The ODT also highlighted this synergy here.

Creepy Cross-dresser Scares Innocent Arachnid! (Viewer-Discretion recommended)

2009-09-29T08:52:00.001+13:00

PS: Oh yeah, what’s that on the Pontiffs left cheek? Love-bite from a tryst with an errant altar-boy? Don’t tell me it’s a beauty mark?

Caring Atheists fill-the-void for Christians on ‘extended leave’

2009-09-28T13:22:00.004+13:00

An enterprising atheist in New Hampshire has started a unique-service for the Christians in his community.

A Post-Rapture Pet-Care Service!

The rationale is perfectly sound.

What happens to Fido the mutt,Mittens the moggy when their masters are suddenly spirited-away to the heavens?

It’s not as if God is going to post a You-Tube announcing the event so you can open 200 cans of jelly-meat in advance, is it?

So Christians face their beloved pets becoming tasty-treats for the heathen masses left roaming the planet or even worse – letting them be adopted by a Hindu family.

The dire consequences of abandoning loved-family members whilst you waltz-around in the bosom of your savior up-in-the clouds - doesn’t bear thinking-about.

Enter the pet after-life insurance company Eternal Earth Bound Pets.

In the event of rapture those that have committed their lives to Jesus Christ and love their pets, can now pre-book an Atheist to come around and take care of their soulless beast.

It’s a win/win as far I’m concerned.

I wonder who has the New Zealand franchise?

Jedi feels the full-force

2009-09-21T10:20:00.009+12:00

I have briefly come-out of self-imposed hibernation, to highlight this ridiculous & highly amusing pantomime currently going-on in Wales (when you read the article the term ‘pantomime’ seems to be a perfect description)

The guy in the photo is Welshman, Daniel Jones, who appears for all intents & purposes , to be on his way to a fancy-dress do - dressed as Luke Skywalker.

First appearances can be misleading.

Danny ‘boy’ takes this Jedi Knight thing seriously, and is the self-appointed leader of The Jedi Church of U.K.

Given his lofty status I was hoping to find some confirmation he could use ‘the force’ to move things telepathically, like ripping the clothes-off desirable women without being detected.

But enough of this jest.

The Jedi Church considers itself as a bona-fide religion with a worldwide membership of 500,000. In the 2001 Census, 390,000 Englishmen ticked- the-box saying they were Jedi.

So when Jedi Jones got tossed out of his local Tesco supermarket last-week for wearing his hood, it doesn’t take much to guess his reaction.

He went bleating to the media crying “Religious discrimination”.

In-what was a masterpiece of rebuttal the spokesperson for Tesco, in 50 words of less, had this to say…..

“We would ask Jedi to remove hoods. Obi-Wan Kenobi, Yoda and Luke Skywalker all went hoodless without going to the Dark Side.”.

“If Jedi Knights wear their hoods, they may miss our specials”.

But here’s 'the bully'

What happened if Daniel, who by the way also employs the Jedi name Morda Hahol, had of entered the supermarket in a traditional turban or other so-called religious regalia?

Say like this fella, from the Russian Orthodox Church.

Similarly, would supermarket-security descended on a woman wearing Muslim headdress?

To the best of my knowledge Jedi's are not renowned for acts of indiscriminate violence - tubeway attacks, hijackings etc.

Tesco’s have probably dug them-selves a hole on this one, but one major question remains unanswered.

“When he was initially confronted by Tescos staff, why didn’t Morda Hahol simply use his mind control powers?”.

Canterbury Atheist Blog in Hibernation

2009-06-30T14:50:00.004+12:00

Attention All:

My blog is ‘off the air’ indefinitely as at 01st July 2009.

I need to concentrate on finishing a book I started writing earlier this year, and is currently ‘stalled’ about a third-of-the-way through.

It’s a black-comedy, by the way.

So I’ve made the hard-decision that becoming a published author is a far worthier goal comparatively, than ‘a mere blogger’.

The investment in time and mental output, spent writing articles for this blog, would be better invested in the pages of my book.

The pay as an author is also miles better.

Can’t say when, or if, I will be back?

Depends on how the book goes.

May the blessings of The Flying Spaghetti Monster, fall upon you.

Peace.

Paul.

Note: Advice for first time authors is appreciated & can be left in the comments section.

The 'What is God?' Challenge

2009-06-29T07:09:00.003+12:00

I am putting-up NZ$1,000 to anyone who can explain to me, in terms I can understand…

“What is God?”.

This is a genuine offer (refer conditions below)

I will keep-posting this offer, so there are no time-restraints or limits on the number of submissions, nor the entrants location.

I will act as the sole arbitrator – this is for my benefit.

Please do not confuse the question “What is God?”, with “Is there a God?”.

For anyone to answer the question “Is there a God?” , we first need to establish the definition of ‘God’.

So imagine you are describing a domestic cat to someone who has never encountered one.

Let’s not get bogged-down in platitudes or meandering philosophical abstracts.

Nor do I want-to-get involved in semantics.

A cat has teeth and claws, this we understand ,without breaking-down the teeth and claws into their make-up, functions etc.

Just stick to the basic ‘make-up’ of God.

For example since The Bible tells us believers will enter heaven to be by his side, clearly this means he has sides – right?

But is he a square of a hexagon?

Have I misinterpreted ‘by his side’?.

Apparently humans are made in his ‘image’?

So if I bumped into God at the Supermarket, what would I behold?

We are told looks down-on us, so with all the activity he has to monitor, it’s reasonable to think he has a multitude of eyes, a bit like a house-fly?

See what I’m after?

Keep referring back to the domestic cat scenario, when answering and you won’t go wrong.

Remember, a cat is more than an animal with fur.

Keep at the back of your mind, I am not one of the 3 billion humans that are 100% sure God exists, and have never to the best of my knowledge meet a God, nor encountered any of his magical powers.

You need to start from square-one with me.

Also peoples, please do not belittle me by calling into question my intelligence or open-mindedness with statements like “You won’t understand”. May be I will, when you use terms a layman will understand.

Further, God, saw fit to use words as the sole method to describe his workings in his manifesto. These words ‘of God’ are what believers follow. Not a DVD or You-Tube, a book called The Bible. Therefore if it is good enough for God to use words to convey crucial information like, man-kinds life-mission, creation, what happens when we die etc - then surely there is scope in the written language to describe ‘God’? By stating there are no words to describe God, you are in-fact bringing into question the writings of The Bible and Gods very existence.

Thank-You.

Paul.

Conditions:

I will donate the money (equivalent of USD 660)to go to a ‘Secular’ Non-Political ‘New Zealand Registered Charity’.Like say Child Cancer or Crippled Children Society etc of the winners own choice. Overseas entrants are fine. Those of you from overseas may prefer to opt for an International Charity organisation (without religious or political ties). I will act as the sole arbitrator. No correspondence entered into. Leave your answers in the comments section.The more pedantic in our midst can contact canterburyatheist at gmail.com.

Half-Time Score: Frank Zappa 14 - Michael Jackson 0

2009-06-27T09:02:00.007+12:00

“Do we really want to know how Michael Jackson makes his music? No. We want to understand why he needs the bones of the Elephant Man -- and, until he tells us, it doesn't make too much difference whether or not he really is ''bad.'' (FZ)

How many of the world mainstream media outlets lead with the story of Frank Zappa’s death in 1993?

None, that’s how many!

Today’s unwarranted adulation of Michael Jackson exposes the injustice of a ‘true musical-genius versus marketing pantomime come phenomenon’.

We see this, in both the public and media circles.

Fuck throw-away POP-ULAR fucking Music!

It’s SHIT!

Let me spell it out for those of you, who may be hard of hearing……S…..H…..I…..T.

Ya, got it?

When The Spices Girls sell more than Radiohead, it’s apparent to anyone above puberty and doesn’t have a poster of their favourite band on their bedroom wall, that record sales are never indicative of talent.

When a so-called musician/singer (whatever you term him) is remembered for 'turning music videos into an art-form' and his dance-routine - we need to take a big step back & ask ourselves 'what about the music'?".

All this unjustified adulation of MJ, merely goes to prove Frank Zappa’s immortal quote:

“Most people wouldn't know music, if it came-up and bit-them on the ass”.

Sure it was sad to see Jackson drop-dead prematurely, but musically he was never on the same scale as immortals like Zappa and Lennon.

David Bowie is another, who towers above Michael Jackson.

I’ll leave you with some more Zappa quotes which seem to be purpose-built for this article.

“I don't give a fuck if they remember me at all”.

“Some scientists claim that hydrogen, because it is so plentiful, is the basic building block of the universe. I dispute that. I say there is more stupidity than hydrogen, and that is the basic building block of the universe”.

“Rock journalism is people who can't write, interviewing people who can't talk, in order to provide articles for people who can't read”.

“I have an important message to deliver to all the cute people all over the world. If you're out there and you're cute, maybe you're beautiful. I just want to tell you somethin' — there's more of us UGLY MOTHERFUCKERS than you are, hey-y, so watch out”.

“If you wind up with a boring, miserable life because you listened to your mom, your dad, your teacher, your priest or some guy on TV telling you how to do your shit, then YOU DESERVE”

“There is no hell. There is only France ”

Gay Exorcisms

2009-06-26T15:59:00.003+12:00

Sometimes words fail me, and you secretly hope you are watching some sort of elaborate hoax.

But then reality dawns on you, and you are confronted with the brutal, unpalatable facts.

There really are backward individuals that believe that homosexuality is the result of demonic possession.

It’s not just the share absurdity of the concept of supernatural-beings like demons that is of concern, it’s the fact individuals are permitted to practice psychological torment with impunity, under the guise of religion.

Arrogant and bigoted Christians see it as their ordained duty, to ‘cleanse’ people of the evil they are taught, is homosexuality.

I want you to think about this.

What are the chances anyone can ‘re-orientate’ (for want of a better term) another individual who is a homosexual into a heterosexual?

I’ll tell ya, what chance there are of this happening.

It’s exactly the same as a heterosexual person becoming homosexual.

Any heterosexuals reading this, want to give me the chances of someone turning-you into a homosexual?

Why does the Christian God hate Children?

2009-06-25T18:31:00.005+12:00

Why does the God of The Bible hate children, to the point he is willing to kill them mercilessly on a mass-scale?

We are talking about the wholesale slaughter of day-old babies up-wards, and not just when he drowned everyone, except for a drunked and his family.

The LORD smote all the firstborn in the land of Egypt, from the firstborn of Pharaoh that sat on his throne unto the firstborn of the captive that was in the dungeon.... And there was a great cry in Egypt; for there was not a house where there was not one dead. [Exodus 12:29]

This sort of callous murder should be abhorrent to most balanced humans, who care for the sanctity of human life and the most vulnerable in society.

Then, there is the physical abuse God partakes-in, with a certain amount of sadistic pleasure, stage-planning bizarre and horrific deaths and assaults on children.

And he went up from thence unto Bethel: and as he was going up by the way, there came forth little children out of the city, and mocked him, and said unto him, Go up, thou bald head; go up, thou bald head. And he turned back, and looked on them, and cursed them in the name of the LORD. And there came forth two she bears out of the wood, and tare forty and two children of them.[ 2 Kings 2:23-24]

The eye that mocketh at his father, and despiseth to obey his mother, the ravens of the valley shall pick it out, and the young eagles shall eat it. [Proverbs 30:17]

Sick-stuff, but it gets worse and more depraved, being ‘The Good Book’.

This Hannibal Lecter of the Heavens wants parents to engage in cannibalism of their children, as some sort of ritualistic appeasement to his glory.

And ye shall eat the flesh of your sons, and the flesh of your daughters shall ye eat. [Leviticus 26:29]

And thou shalt eat the fruit of thine own body, the flesh of thy sons and of thy daughters. – [Deuteronomy 28:53]

And I will cause them to eat the flesh of their sons and the flesh of their daughters, and they shall eat every one the flesh of his friend. [Jeremiah 19:9]

If you are not up to dismembering & consuming your own flesh & blood, then at least have the courtesy on Gods behalf, to take a rod like object, such as a baseball bat and beat a child within an inch of their lives, so his rival the nasty devil, will pop-out.

Thou shalt beat him with the rod, and shalt deliver his soul from hell [Proverbs 23:14]

And when will there be enough ritualistic and arbitrary slaughter & physical abuse of children for the God of The Bible to be satisfied?

He’s very specific on that question.

Happy shall he be, that taketh and dasheth thy little ones against the stones [Psalm 137:9]

So he can never personally be lumbered with the tag of favouritsm when it came to indiscriminate brutality of the young on earth.

God even set-up his only son to die!

And if that wasn't enough suffering for the youngest of his creations to endure.

He kindly left mankind with the legacy of starvation, disease etc. so his murderous spree could continue unabated.

The God of the Bible is undoubtedly a Child Murderer on a scale and veracity that is abhorrent to anyone with an once of moral fibre.

Strangely Christians seem to love him?

The strange case of the naturist Governor from South Carolina and his Argy Tramp

2009-06-25T11:47:00.003+12:00

Mark Sanford is the holy-rolling Governor of South Caroline, and a few days ago, he went walkabout without telling anyone close to him, or at least that was the original story.

For those of you unfamiliar with U.S Politics, Clement Mark Sanford is a man who has campaigned on ‘values’ and championed the cause of state-funding of religious education.

A bible-bashing George Bush clone, who looks to the same constituency to remain in power.

The U.S media have been full of the story of the missing Governor.

His dutiful wife (pictured above with her hubby)said she had no idea where he was, even though his disappearance coincided with Father’s Day.

Even his Lieutenant Governor claimed had no idea, and didn’t even know if he was Acting Governor or not!

It was first rumoured Sanford was on some sort of solo tramp in the Appalachians Trail.

This rumour also sparked another, more amusing line of speculation – that he was up in the hills naked, as one of the days he was off in the bush just happened to be ‘National Hike Naked Day’.

But all of this speculation, rumour begetting rumour, turns-out to be a load of crap.

Governor Sanford, was actually down in Argentina bonking some tart.

All of this came out at in a Press Conference, that bordered on the comical as the philandering Sanford rambled on about the laws of God. He said, “the laws of God are not oppressive rules”, but “are always put into place for our own protection”. He also said “that the laws of God were absolutes and that he had been attending Christian bible studies”.

For the benefit of the non-theists not into this laws of God , what Sandford is telling the world is fairly simple:

1.)His wife is frigid and didn’t put out enough

2.)The power of a standing-prick trumps Gods cards every-time.

You, can’t make-up crap like this!

Say “No” to smacking a week-old baby across the face.

2009-06-23T15:28:00.004+12:00

"Should a smack as part of good parental correction be a criminal offence in New Zealand”

So the bible-bashing zealots have got their way, and the country is to shortly pour nine-million dollars down-the-drain on a referendum, which when it has all been said and done, will probably do nothing.

This expense is unjustifiable at a time when New Zealand and the world economy are in a deep recession.

But now we are apparently lumbered with it, let’s see what we get when we answer “No” to ‘Focus on The Family’s’ appalling worded, ambiguous question (above).

1.) No, it shouldn’t be an offence to smack your child across the face with your fist as part of good parental correction.

2.) No, it shouldn’t be an offence for parents to smack a week old baby as part of so-called parental correction.

The way I read it, this is a possible interpretation of the wording in the poorly-worded question posed.

What exactly is a smack for starters?

Parents will be able to say in mitigation “I was only smacking them” when the child displays signs they received more that simple correction, smack on the bum.

This was exactly the mess we had before the law change.

And why stop with correcting children?

The originator of the petition is Sheyll Savill, and as it happens her husband is a policeman.

When Police-Constable Savill comes across some husband in his line of work, who has given his wife a “smacking” should he not feel pains of guilt at arresting them?

Would Constable Savill stand idly by while I slapped his wife?

Why does he then allow his wife smack his kids in an identical situation, without arresting her?

The answer is easy.

Sheyll Savill wants criminals who beat their children to escape justice, in pursuit of her own beliefs, which say specifically parents are justified using physical pain.

"Foolishness is bound in the heart of a child; but the rod of correction shall drive it far from him."

“Withhold not correction from the child: for if thou beatest him with the rod, he shall not die."

“Folly is bound up in the heart of a boy, but the rod of discipline drives it far away”

“Thou shalt beat him with the rod, and shalt deliver his soul from hell”

The Bible therefore specifically requires Christian parents to beat their children to prevent them slipping into Satan’s hands.

Beating is exactly the word used, not smacking, but beating.

Good Christian parents should employ rods, not the palm of your hands, but a form of weapon in the shape of a rod.

A baseball bat, or a piece of 4 x 2 timber fits the scriptures description well.

Then beat the living-crap out of the poor little sods, till the big-bad devil pops-out.

So from the orchestrator's of The Petitions perspective, this is not a question of freedoms, this is a question of rights.

These are not your or my biological off-spring.

They are Gods property.

The rights ordained to them in Gods best-seller, gives you and me the rights to beat-our-brats with impunity, on Gods behalf.

What the f*ck is God?

2009-06-23T13:39:00.002+12:00

As a skeptic I don’t believe in Gods, deities, ghosts, Father Christmas, The Tooth-Fairy and a whole range of mythical beasts.

Even to this hardened unbeliever like yours-truly the concepts of Father Christmas and The Tooth Fairy are fairly easy to explain & harmless concepts.

I can put my finger-on why parents like me, masquerade as Father Christmas and The Tooth Fairy.

But I can’t say the same about God.

To the best of my knowledge, I have never meet a God, or been touched by their presence.

I have been told God exists, without being told who/what God is, in the first place.

So to believe in a God you need to know exactly what a God is?

There are billions of humans who say there is a God, but not one universal description that can clarify “what God is?”

Individuals subjugate their lives to an entity they know less about than say The Tooth Fairy.

A theist is more capable to draw-you a picture of a tooth-fairy, than their God.

They could point to where Father Christmas lives on a map, but not the abode of their God entity?

They could more readily explain in greater clarity what The Loch Ness Monster is, than what is God?

So someone, please for Gods sake tell me what the f*ck is God?

In the same fashion you were describing a cat, to someone who has yet to encounter one.