Thursday, December 20, 2012

Quick Arm Yourself! Obama’s Zombie Apocalypse is coming to a state near you!

Some nutcase loner, son of a mother who thought the world was going to end, kills 27 defenceless children, their caregivers, said mother & what is the flow-on of his senseless murder on the rest of a horrified society?

Did they stand-up unison and say “let’s get rid of killer guns once and for all”?

Mainstream politicians cross across the floor to unite saying “Let’s own up to the problem and solve it together”?

Hell No!

This is America.

In the U.S they rush down to their local gun-shop, nestled beside a coffeehouse and garden-shop, and purchase the exact same sort of guns Adam Lanza used to kill the innocents!

Yes, indeed ‘Only in America’ would sales of guns soar to record levels after a massacre like Sandy Hook.

But of course you can’t blame just the mass-murder in Connecticut for the planet’s most  paranoid human population becoming more paranoid than usual.

Some of the other reasons for Americans rearming themselves with human-killing guns have been put down to other causations.

After fear here’s another couple….

2.) The re-election of President Obama

3.) Zombies.

In number two spot it’s all about that evil socialist Obama who apparently doesn’t like his citizens pumping 11 bullets into the body and head of a seven year old girl & wants to limit their ownership. Kind-of like every other sane western country but WTF I’ve never been out of Tennessee. Jeeeze that wimp Obama cried on T.V so no wonder we as a family turned-over to watch the wrestling. Billy Joe Jr cleaned the AK-47 using KFC grease so as a treat we let him stay-up later and see the UFC.      

But moving on to reason # 3, I know you are itching for me to get to this.

Some Americans perceive a ‘real’ threat to their safety is the one posed by the walking dead, popularised on T.V and film, and this is the prime motivating factor in purchasing a gun.  

A marketing fact not lost on U.S ammo manufactures like Hornady who have their own special bullets called ‘Zombie Max’ (that's a real promo above) 

Z Max for short.

Z mispronounced zee, not zed as in the English translation.  

Ammo tested on rallies of Tea Party members i.e. brain dead humans were as close as Hornady could get without risking cries of animal cruelty.    

Seriously not even I could make up shit like this up and I’m one sick twisted prick with serious issues that can only be solved by listening to punk music and consuming large quantities of beer. 

The info on zombie-paranoia comes from no lesser (impeccable?) source than the FBI who do background checks on new gun owners.   

Purchasing a gun in preparation of the up-coming Zombie Apocalypse – I say fuck those Central Americans and their complicated calendar - is now amongst the top 10 listed reasons behind U.S ownership and climbing!   


No comments: