Why the
hell does anyone need a bunker?
Who the
hell builds a bunker in their backyards
Let me
answer both questions succinctly – paranoid survivalist looneys.
Individuals
who spend time and money going to the effort to build a bunker have mental
health issues of varying degrees.
Neighbours
of these people should rightfully be scared.
Bunker
builders can ‘spin-out’ at any point.
Bunker
builders are weird fuckers.
Bunker
builders always come armed.
The U.S is
of course a bunker vortex.
Rural America
has more bunkers per square mile than the beach at Normandy.
Type-in ‘Build
a bunker’ into google and unsurprisingly all the sites on the five pages I
bothered to go through all originated from the U.S.
There are
companies that sell purpose built bunkers and will help you get the necessary
council permits etc.
Evidently
people in Belgium, Australia, Taiwan etc don’t seem to share Americans
enthusiasm for encasing themselves underground in concrete, metal coffins
twiddling their thumbs awaiting the end of the earth as we know it.
The people
on the streets of New Zealand, Germany and Japan don’t appear to worry about
government troops storming through their front doors, solar flares, nuclear holocausts
etc and prefer to go to the pub.
Non-Americans
have the stunning ability to rationalise things, put them in context.
Example 1 :
It’s a nice day today.
Should I
(a.) go for a walk with the dog (b.) train my dog to attack with German command
words?
Example 2: The
political party I didn’t vote for got into power.
Should I
(a.) accept that’s democracy at work (b.) find other discontented voters, work together
in cells to find-out everything we can
on our new leader to discredit him and then fixate about him sending tanks
& troops into our town.
Example 3: The government wants to restrict military
weapons to the military.
Should I (a.)
accept these weapons serve no recreational purpose and are lethal in the hands
of the mentally ill (b.) think the sky has fallen in, the Russians had invaded
and imposed their regime on us and bury the other ten rifles and ammo I have in
the local forest least they steal them as well.
One of the
most amusing, slightly warped things I discovered about bunker building in
America was each state had specific construction permits, rules etc.
As a social
experiment I rang my local Council here in Christchurch and asked where I could
find information about building a nuclear shelter in my backyard.
After being
shoved from Department to Department and finally taken seriously I spoke to
some bloke who said in a suspicious tone something along the lines “We don’t
have anything specific for the purpose intended and we would need to see the
plans”
I’m fully
expecting he noted my phone number down and alerted a Health Dept psych team to
pay me a visit.
Gotta go,
there’s someone knocking on my door.
