Wednesday, April 23, 2008

Beating The Bishop


wanking, cuff, spanking the monkey, playing the clitar, five knuckle shuffle, jacking-off, jerkin’ the gherkin, flicking the bean, beating the bishop, chocking the chicken….

Repressing human sexuality has always been a part of mainstream religious teachings.

Controlling these normal sexual urges is always high on Church agendas.

Good folk should show restraint and purity.

Many religious folk will state that sex is good & pure and created by god for both procreation and pleasure. Intimacy however can only be enjoyed by a husband and wife (Tui Billboard anyone?) and confined to intercourse.

Other ‘pleasures of the flesh’ like masturbation are considered forms of abuse and a perversion.

Behavioral needs have to be mastered or else sin will be the master of you.


Sins like the self-centered act of masturbation must be controlled and the Christian Churches are here to ensure one passage from their holy book can turn back millions of years of evolutionary biology.

"And Onan knew that the seed should not be his; and it came to pass, when he went in unto his brother’s wife, that he spilled it on the ground, lest that he should give seed to his brother."

All of this is itself - a load of wank!

Masturbation is normal, it feels great, releases tension etc etc.

We all do it. I’ll say it again. Medical conditions aside - all adults masturbate.

The Pope masturbates (infrequently now he’s in his eighties) The Queen masturbates (or do they have a Royal consort who performs that task for them?) Ayatollahs masturbate (they know what’s under those burqas) Helen Clark masturbates (don’t get into any mental imagery on this one)

And the only people who feel guilty about having a ‘jolly good wank’ are religious types who have been cajoled & brainwashed into believing something normal, like masturbation, is in-fact dirty and a sin, thus reducing their chances of an after-life.

It still won’t stop them regularly ‘spilling their seed’ though, will it?

1 comment:

Jennifer said...

Well said. =) I could have done without the images of the Pope etc. though, lol :-S I think the guilt thing applies among the non-religious too though, even if the source is religious doctrine they don't believe.