
Family First (a.k.a Family Fist) have launched a nationwide billboard campaign to promote the benefits of getting married.
Now the term ‘married’ under the glare of the all-seeing eyes of Family First means in the sanctity of an ordained minister – preferably one of the Protestant denominations. In the small-print of their Old-Testament beliefs you’ll also find the concept of a marriage can never extend to same-sex couples either.
Yes, indeed this ‘shacking-up’ business must stop, or the country will be on the slippery slope to Sodom and Gomorrah.
Instead what we Kiwi’s need to do is look to The Bible to get our markers on the-sanctity-of-marriage in eyes of Yahweh (he’s a well known modern god by the way, who had a hit song a couple of millennia back)
Say a section of their best-seller penned by Yahweh called Deuteronomy 22: 28-29 for example:
28: If a man find a damsel that is a virgin, which is not betrothed, and lay hold on her, and lie with her, and they be found;
29: Then the man that lay with her shall give unto the damsel's father fifty shekels of silver, and she shall be his wife; because he hath humbled her, he may not put her away all his days.
So any male who wants to go-out and commit rape, does so with the simple proviso he needs to marry his victim after the act(naturally all rape victims want to marry their attackers, eh) and pay her old-man a bounty.
It is clear to any good Yahweh-fearing Christian, males simply need identify their prey as being virgins, rape them, then presumably force the traumatized victim to get married in a good-Christian ceremony by a good-Christian minister, whilst her old-man counts his hush-money in the back row of the church.
That’s what that ultimate moral-code: The Bible, clearly states.




3 comments:
Count Grammarnazi says:
tenets (not tennants)
Kiwis (not Kiwi's)
Paul says:
This is a personal blog, mostly formulated whilst scoffing my luch and not The Times!
Ta.
Paul.
So... how much, exactly, does 50 shekels translate to? I mean, it sounds like a pretty good deal now, but what with inflation and all that, it could be like several million bucks which would put your average rape way out of my price range.
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