Monday, September 29, 2008

New Zealand Sunday School Teachers Engaging in Animal Sex (no bull, just canine)

Yes, my headline is provocative but bestiality isn’t something that hits the mainstream New Zealand media that often, but it’s been in the headlines twice in the last few months, under very similar circumstances.

In July, Raphael Giuseppe Caccioppoli, 37, who had been a member and Sunday school teacher with the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, was sentenced to five years jail down in Invercargill.

Included in Raphael’s long list of convictions were (amongst other things): performing an indecent act on two boys aged 10 and 12 years old, sexual violation, indecent assault and committing an act of indecency on a dog.

The court was told the Mormon Church knew Caccioppoli had sexually offended against boys, but did not tell The Police. In fact the Church was made aware of his offending way back in 1998.

Then last week there was the case of the Dunedin plumber & bell-ringer.

The former Master of the Bells at Dunedin’s First Church, David Hockley, was jailed for 7 ½ years for prolonged and predatory sexual offending against a young girl.

The victim was 13-years-old, when the offending started, an A-grade pupil with a dream of becoming a veterinary surgeon, but after she was raped and sexually abused, her school grades declined dramatically.


The Dunedin court heard how Hockley befriended the financially struggling family, ingratiating himself with them to gain access to her. At the time, she and her mother both taught Sunday school and Hockley asked if he could take her to church to teach her to ring bells, as it would be good exercise.

The rest of the story you can guess, but with one little embellishment.

As part of his pre-rape ritual, Hockley would stimulate himself (little imagination needed here) to pornographic videos.

His preferred subject matter was bestiality, which his victim was forced to watch.

As with the case in Invercargill, Dunedin’s First Church was ‘aware’ of the allegations but they stood by their man, even allowing him to teach others, right up to the point Hockley plead guilty to the charges.

The two cases that show striking similarities (a.) both pedophiles were God fearing Sunday School teachers, pillars of their communities, exploiting their position of power (b.) when their long-term offending came to the attention of their respective Churches, both parties opted to bury their heads in the sand rather than alerting authorities, thus allowing the offending to continue unabated (c.) both sicko’s got their kicks engaging in animal sex.


Some questions remain unanswered, like:

- Which version of Noah’s Ark fable did children learn when these guys were running classes!?

- Should Mormon’s from Southland be forth-with known as members of The Church of The Latter Day Saint Bernards?

- Spooky thought that there may be a Dunedin Second Church? If so, what have their ‘flock’ (had to include that thinly veiled pun somewhere, this is a Kiwi blog after all) been up-to, bearing in mind the level of deviancy that’s going on, at their more illustrious name-sakes?

Last but not least, what the hell was wrong with sheep the rest of us Kiwi’s manage to get by with, eh?!

I ask you, what's the country coming to, when sheep have to play second fiddle to dogs in our childrens Sunday School Classes?

Sunday, September 28, 2008

The Pope Delusion


People must accept death at “the hour chosen by God,” Pope Benedict XVI recently told a crowd of desperate pilgrims at Lourdes.

His word of comfort to the sick and dying were, we should bite the bullet and submit.
“The grace to accept, without fear or bitterness, to leave this world at the hour chosen by God."

"There are struggles that we cannot sustain alone, without the help of divine grace,"

Why not just tell the poor sods to go home and die, and be done with?

In a nut-shell, the Ex-Nazi Pope was telling all us bipedal primates there, it’s this all powerful invisible being, that decides if our next breath will happen to be our last.

He and his fellow 98.3% chimpanzee’s, are all at the mercy of his God and owe our continuing existence to this being, and nothing we can do as mere humans, is going to change his grand plan.

Gods influence pervades everything, accept it, don’t fight it - then die, and if it’s a miserable death, tough shit.

Mankind may bring starvation upon itself with over population, but it’s God who decides who become one of its wretched victim.

Mankind may start wars but it is God that will guide the bullets, the ones that miss, and the ones that strike between the eyes.

Mankind may have invented medicine, but it is God who decides if it works.

Hail to the invisible omnipotent Roman Emperor who sits in space lowering his/her thumb upon the elderly and newborns alike.

What a ghastly thought, that billions of so-called intelligent, educated humans share in his twisted delusion.

An invisible being called God who decides who will live and die, on a whim of his/her dictate.

Just as worryingly Benedick, also espouses a doctrine that mankind should be in raptures at this cosy arrangement we have with his God (strange I can’t remember signing that contract, can you?)

We should be eternally happy with this arrangement, that no matter what we do, and that also includes prayer & medical intervention, we have no right as humans to have any say in who lives & dies.

That’s Gods choosing - now piss off and suffer your comeuppance mere mortal.

Don’t be bitter, rest in peace safe in the solace it is was the time of Gods choosing. Don't worry about the tears & pain of family and friends, be happy, God has spoken.

Whatever you do don't ponder the suffering and injustice of the death process. These matters are far too complicated for you bipedal chimps, and best left to God and his legions of devotees, who are closer to him/her and more 'in tune' with his/her workings like cancer and Aids etc.

And if God wasn’t busy enough deciding who lives & dies on planet earth every second of every day, he/she has time to individually receive millions of prayers, influence the oceans and elements, decide football results, pick lotto numbers, plan road accidents, drag bodies from aircraft fuselages, cure the sick, disease the healthy, watch over the plankton in the ocean, sit at the end of the bed when you are masturbating, make good things happen to bad people, create iconic nature scenes for Calendars etc etc.

What a fatalistic and Orwellian picture Benedick and The Catholic Church paints of the world we live in.

Lucky for mankind, none of God business is true.


Thursday, September 25, 2008

Disney’s worst kept secret is out: Mickey Mouse is Satan




Children I want to warn ya'

Cuz I've been to California

Where Mickey Mouse is a demon

[Aquabats: 'Idiot Box']








Last week we were greeted with the news from a Saudi Sheikh Muhammad Munajid, that the loveable Mickey-Mouse was "one of Satan's soldiers".

He then went further stating “everything he touches impure”.
The cleric, a former diplomat at the Saudi embassy in Washington DC, said that under Sharia, both household mice and their cartoon counterparts must be killed.

Strangely I find myself agreeing with the good Sheikh.

I’ve always had suspicions myself about Mr M. Mouse. May be it was because, he’s always smiling?

Or those oversized shoes? (a thinly veiled Freudian link to the size of his genetalia,if I ever
saw one) Now you’ll see why there’s always a satisfied smirk on Minnies face.

Goofy is another Disney character worthy of dissection, bent as a row of tent pegs if you ask me.

Donald Duck, has to be the poorest example of anthropomorphism going, and should be banned if only for this reason.


Disney officials stated "Walts head is not available for comment"


Yes, it’s about time we ‘righteous ones’ purged our children’s lives of all cartoon characters.

Add to this list of ‘pollutants of young minds’: The Imperialistic Thomas the Tank Engine, Zionist Sesame Street, and don’t get me going on Pooh Beer.

The children of Mohammed (praise be unto him) should not be exposed to such filth.

Our Sons (but obviously not daughters) should be at school, learning how to handle explosives & assemble a Kalashnikov in under 30 seconds, rote learning all 114 chapters of the Qur’an - not laughing & enjoying at cartoons with universal appeal.

All disciples of The One True Prophet (praise be to his name) must be able to find ‘The Great Satan’ on a World Map by the age of five.

Our brother Sheikh Muhammad Munajid has put a line in the Holy desert sands.

"Mickey Mouse has become an awesome character, even though according to Islamic law, Mickey Mouse should be killed in all cases."

But wait!

Rejoice, followers of the one true prophet (praise to God, the only God is God) thanks to our brothers in Palestine we may have found solution to this impasse.

An Islamic version of Mickey has been created for the enjoyment & enlightenment of our children!

Allah’s will is truly strong!

Wednesday, September 17, 2008

Rejoice New Zealand: Clark & Key are both Atheists!


As you’ll no doubt be aware, there are two major Election Campaigns dominating the World Press [makes sound, as if clearing his throat]

New Zealand and that other place (you know, the non-descript one, that spawned WWF and ‘Game Shows’ as their sole contributions towards the advancement of culture on the planet)

The ‘tectonic’ differences between electioneering in N.Z versus that in the U.S.A, is best exemplified by the impact religion has in political campaigning, or the lack of it.

By in large, New Zealanders don’t want a bar of openly religious candidates, of any political persuasion.

A good case in point is the position taken by the leaders of the two major political parties.

That is – neither, confirm nor deny.

Compare this to the U.S where the rabid Press will hound an ‘old Sunday School teacher’ if there’s some controversy to dredge-up. Obama’s ex Preacher, anyone?

Its God bless America, from all sides of the political spectrum, no room for an unbeliever.

But, back ‘down-under’ and that November 8th Election.

From what little is available in the public arena about this part of Helen Clark (Labour Party) & John Key’s (National Party) personal life, it’s clear neither of them, could be remotely considered ‘religious’ in the theist sense of the term.

Neither of them attends Church, at least not of their own volition.

Historically when the contentious question of ‘personal beliefs’ has arisen, Clark & Key have been managed to side-step the question by ‘fence sitting’. Both are noticeably uncomfortable at this line of questioning.

When Clark was once asked by a religious commentator "Do you believe Jesus Christ is the son of God?" she was quoted as saying "I have no religious convictions. I respect those that do. I have no opinion to offer. I'm an agnostic."

Contrastingly, Clark is happy to lay claim to her political party’s historic religious ties, when political expediency was required, having once told reporters: Labour was based on a tradition of Methodism and Christian Socialism.

This agenda of flakiness is the much the same story with Key.

Here’s a transcript of his 2004 interview with Lisa Owen on TVNZ’s ‘Agenda’ program:

Q.) Do you believe in God, John?
A.) That’s an interesting question do I believe in God. I don’t believe in life after death.

Q.) Do you believe in God? (Lisa, repeating question)
A.) Well I don’t believe in life after death, I don’t know how you'd define it really.

Q.) Are you agnostic, are you atheist?
A.) Well if your asking me if I'm religious it depends how you define religion, I look at religion as doing the right thing, I don’t define that as someone that goes to church necessarily on a Sunday, I mean I go to church a lot with the kids but I wouldn’t describe it as something that I – I'm not a heavy believer, my mother was Jewish which technically makes me Jewish, yeah I probably see it in a slightly more relaxed way.

Then a year later he’s quoted in the pro-creationist magazine ‘Investigate’ as “having lived my life by Christian principals”.

See what I mean about side-stepping?

Having, the proverbial ‘dollar each way’.

Picture this line of questioning of our two leading politicians:

Q 1.) John/Helen, do you believe in Ghosts?
A.) No, I’m not really superstitious (x 2)

Q 2.) John/Helen, do you believe in Holy Ghosts?
A.) Depends on how you define Holy Ghosts. I’m really not sure, and not that superstitious normally, but I respect others who do believe in Holy Ghosts.

Virtually the same question would solicit, different answers.

That’s because both prospective Prime-Ministers, wish to hide their ghastly little secret, from the New Zealand public.

“I’m an Atheist”.

Yikes, run for the crucifix and clove of garlic.

One, could perhaps read into this, that both Labour & National parties are privy to a studies which show that it’s politically untenable for a politician in this country, to state their deep seated beliefs, or total lack of them, without suffering an electoral back-lash?

It seems perhaps there is a perception within a sector of the voter block, that an ‘atheist’ politician is by definition untrustworthy, not capable of compassion, can’t empathise, with Kiwi’s etc?

Christian politicians are not afraid in coming forward in with their convictions, and by and large scare off the middle ground, with their extremist views.

So, why not an openly Atheist politician, or heaven forbid an openly Atheist Prime Minister?

On current evidence, the answer to this proposition - is an emphatic ‘no way’.

The back-room political spin-doctors ‘pulling the strings’, have schooled their charges-up to keep their gob’s shut when ever a Kiwi journalist fires forth a question relating to personal beliefs.

If you are cornered Helen & John, give the media a wishy-washy answer and move quickly on.

So no matter what you hear coming out of either politicians mouth in the run-up to the election, the truth is both Helen Clark & John Key are both closet atheists, and come the evening of November 8th , one of them will be in charge of our country.

Heavenly.

Sunday, September 14, 2008

Witch Burning Alive & Well in Modern-Day Rome


Picture you are seated at a Comedy Club, enjoying a great night of frivolity.

The crowd enjoys a risqué set, where no subject matter is exempt caustic satirising.

The following week, you read that a Comedienne from that evening has been charged by the police.

She is to face trial - the maximum penalty if found guilty - five years imprisonment!

You can’t believe your eyes , and start racking your brain to come-up with a rational explanation for this turn of events?

Bemused you continue reading, and discover The Police Prosecutor, states the charges relate to a punch-line from her set……

within 20 years the Pope will be where he ought to be — in Hell, tormented by great big poofter devils, and very active ones, not passive ones."

You remember giggling at her joke, and can’t really see what all the fuss is about, you wonder what sort of country you live in, where a person could face charges for a simple joke? And a bad one at that, I might add.

It’s called Italy, the year is 2008, the Comedienne, Sabrina Guzzanti.

* The Papal State of Italy, where ‘offending the honour of the sacred and inviolable person’, is still on the statute books in 2008.

* The Papal State of Italy, where religious sponsored oppression of free speech, still exists to this day.

* The Papal State of Italy, where the ‘the one true church’ employs the state, to police it’s will, via ‘treaty’, and can lock away any one who pokes fun at it’s doddery old fool of a leader.

* The Papal State of Italy, where the Police and elected Government are seemingly functionaries of The Holy See.

* The Papal State of Italy , where a reigning Pope is enshrine in law as a living God, for which the peasant population must show hum-bridge, or face punishment.

* The Papal State of Italy, which resembles Nazi Occupied Europe, where the cowering populous must watch what they say, and to whom they say it, and those sympathetic to the Church/Nazi regime act as collaborators.

* The Papal State of Italy, where the position of State Prosecutor includes the inbuilt-role as a modern-day Grand Inquisitor, ferreting-out heretics and punishing them. Thankfully for Sabrina Guzzanti, being burnt at the stake, had been struck-off the books (just last year, I think?)

* The Papal State of Italy, revealing itself to the world as little more than a medieval theocracy functioning in 2008. Europe's version of Zimbabwe.

* The Papal State of Italy, home to The Christian ‘Taliban’, a throw back to the Dark Ages.

Christians love to claim the higher religious moral ground, when it comes to the excess’s of Islam, but this sort of primitive summary action, proves the largest part of Christianity, acts in an identical fashion when it comes to suppressing those who question the role of the ‘true faith’, and the position of it’s leaders.

The concepts of enlightenment, and those of Christianity, will always be at odds. Since it’s inception The Catholic Church has tried to hold the advancement of mankind through science, and suppress open debate.

History teaches us ‘religion’ and ‘the advancement of mankind’ are mutual enemies, and this ‘war’ continues.

Some of us have woken-up to this fact, joined the battle.

We fight on the side of science, facts, reason and prosecute our fight with that , which is most precious to our cause.

Freedom of Speech.

The very same freedom of speech, The Catholic Church wants suppressed in the year of our Lord 2008.

Reading Guzanti’s joke again, I see a ironic humour, in this modern-day witch-burning pantomime, even, if The Vatican hasn’t.

The Catholic Church would like us to bow to their rule, believe their fairy stories, thus avoiding eternal damnation.

Yet when a Comedian makes a similar suggestion, parodying the proposition, they imprison them!

Friday, September 12, 2008

Gratuitous Plug: Buy your Christmas Cards off Cantenn! (or God will hate you even more)


Over the last couple of years I’ve purchased the families Christmas Cards, off Canteen.

O.K, I know, an atheist purchasing Christmas Cards, seems oxymoronic in the extreme, and opens me up to all sorts of derision, but I’ll get over that (in a few years it won’t mean a thing to me).


You’ll see from the samples, I’ve posted here, Canteen’s range of secular cards are bright and cherry, and ooze New Zealand.

It's hard to go past this Buzzy Bee Card in my books.

Perfect Kiwiana to send to friends & family overseas, and assist a great cause.

I’m imploring all you hell-bound evil atheists to dial 0800 22 34 34 and place your order today!

You’ll feel better for it, and on Judgment Day who knows - you may get a few years off hell ‘for good behaviour’?

Thursday, September 11, 2008

Sign-up for ‘Mail-Order Immortality’ before it’s too late!!

When I first stumbled upon, ‘The New Zealand Conditional Immortality Association’, my initial thoughts were, that this has got to be a giant piss-take (but on further reflection, sidelined such titillating thoughts when I remembered Kiwi students are far too busy burning couches & paying-off loans these days, to come-up with humorous scams like this)

I mean, just the corny abbreviation C.I.A has to raise alarm bells.

Closer inspection turned my amusement into bemusement, when I established - these guys are serious!

In fact deadly serious (get the pun?)

What’s more fellow Kiwi’s, the doyens at ‘N.Z.C.I.A.’ have made the road to immortality, ridiculously simple.

Frankly, it’s a piece of piss.

1.) Tick a few statements on their web site called a ‘Statement of Faith’
2.) Fill in their membership form
3.) Stick a 50 cent stamp on to the envelope
4.) Send away to a Post Office Box in Takinini.

Tip 1: Make sure you include a return name & address.

Then, it’s a matter of waiting patiently & doubtlessly anxiously, for your membership card to arrive.

Tip 2: Get them to courier the card back. You wouldn’t want to die suddenly and be caught without it, would you?

Picture the excitement as the postman arrives with your ‘ticket to immortality’.

This beats that fictitious Willy Wonker and that his naff golden ticket, any day.

Now I’m thinking a few of you may have some nagging doubts as to the validity of any outfit that’s promising the equivalent of ‘mail-order eternal life’.

Let me put these suspicions to rest once and for all folks, by posting a photo of head honcho at The New Zealand Conditional Immortality Association.

This is David Burge.


Credit where, credit is due, David even publishes a magazine on behalf of the association.

‘From Death to Life’ is the title of the quarterly mag (come on, you must have heard of it?)

And this Association is far from a one man band.

As if further reassurance was necessary, David solicits regular journalistic input ‘selling the after life’, from luminaries, such as:


Beryl Joy Ching!

Seriously folks, look at the ‘old dear’.

I’m half expecting Beryl to knit soul coveralls.


Paul Cooney is the gentleman pictured above, a vital cog in the machinery of immortality.

Rather conveniently Paul also happens to run Resurrection Funeral Services Limited.

It’s fair to say you could not be in better hands once you depart this mortal coil. Rest in peace, knowing Paul will ensure your Immortality Membership Card is firmly clasped in right hand, well before the lid goes-on.

Boy oh boy, have the squad at N.Z.C.I.A got all the bases covered, or what?

Take a 2nd take at those photos, and you’ll soon realise what a switched-on bunch you’re dealing with here, and more prudently, why you should entrust your soul into their capable hands.

By any measure, eternity is a long time, and each contraction of your heart muscle means the time to send that form away to P.O Box 202162, Takinini - is now!

So what are you waiting for New Zealand??

Immortality is within reach, and without all that messy & expensive cryogenics.

Click here (and say Canterbury Atheists sent you, for a 25% Discount)

Wednesday, September 10, 2008

Nothing like, a Cup of Java and a Gang-Bang


There’s a new cool ‘boutique’ mountain-bike shop that’s opened-up here in Christchurch. It also doubles as a coffee shop, so I’m able to combine two passions under the one roof. It was whilst supping a ‘tall black’ at this said establishment, I got reading their brief, but fabulously interesting store promo entitled ‘The History of Coffee’.

In short, one of the legends regarding Coffee goes like this: The Archangel Gabriel slipped the prophet Mohammed a drink of mocha, which saved him from the sleeping sickness. This beverage was black as the Holy Black Stone of Mecca, and it gave Mohammed the strength to kill 40 enemies & honour 40 women.

It’s not mentioned whether or not, the forty women where on intimate terms term’s with the prophet prior to the en-masse, impromptu ‘honouring’. Neither, was the little matter of whether, Mohammed first slaughtered & banged, banged then slaughtered, or casually when back and forward from banging to slaughtering etc.

Having known he was like, I would have imagined the female populous of Medina in 595 AD would try and avoid Mohammed when he was ‘on the caffeine’, done their dandiest to hide all the pre-industrial espresso machines, every-time ‘the big M’ hit town (Monty Python skit anyone?)

The time-frame in the legend is rather vague as well, but he is a prophet from God so I’m presuming 40 women in one sitting is not out of realms of possibility for one so lofty (no pun intended, but one naturally presumes the size organ was in-line with his prowess) Which makes you wonder why he stopped at forty, and didn’t just shoot for triple figures?



After learning all this, one thing I will be doing, is looking out for the blockbuster movie.

I understand a film loosely based on this story will be shot in Denmark with Sam Peckinpah directing, and Salman Rustie playing the lead role (unfortunately Ron Jeremy was pre-disposed on the set of Butt Girls 4) Starbucks are financing the deal.

You don’t have to be a film executive to realise, indiscriminate sex & violence, plus coffee make an unbeatable combination!


Sunday, September 7, 2008

The Bizarre Case of The Magic Boomerang, The Kiwi that Speaks to God, and the Paedophile Pastor.


When Todd BENTley made his trip down-under earlier this year, he also made Australia’s, Gold Coast, one of his stops.

Now remember at this juncture of Todd’s fake-healing career, he was on the bottom rung, working his way up to fame, and more importantly fortune.

The inner circle that knew he was a convicted child molester were keeping stum, and his philandering was to surface publically later.

It was in Queensland, BENTley caught up with Auckland based Pastor Rob deLuca (pictured above) who runs his own 'happy-clappy' church, the rather appropriately named ‘His Way International’.

His Way describes itself as “a friendly dynamic young church in Auckland city New Zealand led by Pastor Rob deLuca. His Way Church holds church services, home cells, encounter groups, Sunday school and prayer group meetings. His Way Church invites Auckland youth to find His Way”

What, it doesn’t say in the publicity blurb is, Pastor Rob claims to have the gift of prophecy or visions from God.

This may be because a great many Kiwi’s share the contention, that the only place you’ll find people who believe that ‘God talks to me’ are in mental institutions, specifically rooms where the walls are lined.

Tip: from here on in, where necessary, replace the word ‘delusion’ where you see/hear ‘vision’ and these messianic prophecies will begin to make some sense.

Anyway back to March, Todd and Rob, end-up at wince-inducing 'Downpour Conference' in Queensland (with a corny name you’d think the main topic would be Climate change)

Excitement builds in the crowd when self-appointed Pastor De Luca summons self-appointed Pastor BENTley on to the stage.

Here’s what happens……..





Let’s examine what God had to say again, remembering this vision came straight from ‘the big guy’ via his earthly emissary Pastor deLuca:


“I saw a human boomerang flying out of Canada and it hit the nation of England, it hit the nation of Australia, it hit the nation of New Zealand, and it came spinning around”.

“I saw Todd Bentley--your name on the boomerang, but I knew that it was the Lord showing me that it was you, and I saw it fly back around and it came and hit America”

With the f*ck is a human boomerang? The concept is imbecilic, resembling the imaginative doodlings of a seven year old. Was the fact Rob was in Australia, he came up with this Aboriginal connection? Or were the range of boomerang’s Rob gazed upon at Brisbane Duty-Free on the way in , so indelibly etched into his consciousness, that these ‘primitive wooden hunting tools’ were the first thing that sprung in to his furtive mind when the pressure went on?

You're gonna bring something very strong to Florida”.

Fair’s, fair, in due respect to Rob and hat-tip to God, you were on the money here. Since Todd hit Lakeland, Florida there’s a strong whiff of Pentecostal bull-shit in the air and on the airwaves.

“I saw the Father hit this hammer and it hit you”

So it was God that instructed Todd to combine pro-wrestling into his stage act, wow.

“There's something brewing so big and so strong that it's going to waste the nation with God's glory, definitely, in Jesus name”

Are you sure President Bush’s press-secretary wasn’t in on this line? He’s another who claims to hear God. Mind-you the Old Testament God wasn’t too adverse ‘wasting’ things himself.

“Thank You for New Zealand. I thank You Father that people will come from all over the world and taste and see the impartation of the effects of revival that has been tasted even in the last week”

What exactly are we Kiwi’s meant to be tasting here Pastor Rob?

Magic mushrooms?

Illicit hallucinogens?

These seem to me, to be a faster and more fun way of joining-in your conversations with God.

If God is going to impart his great wisdom, perhaps he might put a rider out to Pastor Rob, what say via ‘a human didgeridoo’ this time since boomerang has been used, with a useful warning, not to let the kids play ‘bouncy bouncy on Uncle Todd’s lap.

And what is the salutary lesson to be learnt looking back at Pastor BENTley and his apologists like deLuca?

Porcelain Gods ultimately break.





Beware false prophets - take a stand!
My fortune cookie cracked up in my hand,
More advice to fill up your head
More empty words from the living dead-
Who seek to explain what can't really be said-
And how disappointed I was
To turn out after all -
Just a porcelain God -
that shatters when it falls-
Too much will kill you - too little ain't enough
You shout my name but I'll call your bluff
Most who see me - see me not for real
We fake & fawn - play games 'til dawn
But I could see what you can see
And I hate too what you hate in me -
And how disappointed I am
To find me part of no plan -
Just a porcelain God -
that shatters when it falls

I shake it off and start again
"Don't lose control" - I tell myself,
Life can take many things away -
Some people will try - and take it all
They'll pick off pieces as they watch you crawl
And how disappointed I was
To turn out after all -
Just a porcelain God –
That shatters when it falls-
That shatters when it falls.
[Paul Weller]

Saturday, September 6, 2008

Pedophile Preacher claims ‘New Zealand is on God’s Radar’


This tough looking geezer is the charismatic evangelist Todd Bentley, originally from Canada, but of late resident of Florida, where he’s made a name and large fortune, in short order I might add, both for himself, and his church.

Familiar to North Americans, this tattooed version of Benny Hinn on steroids, graced New Zealand shores in February of this year, as a guest of The Fusion Church.

Seven months ago, Todd Bentley had just begun serving his ‘fake-healer apprenticeship’, and working your way up the ranks for any stage performer, means touring out- of-the-way locations & small venues, like Auckland’s Town-Hall.

Fusion, with strong links with the Elim Church, really went overboard in their public endorsement of Bentley.

“We believe Todd Bentley's New Zealand visit will be one of the most significant events in years for our nation”.

“Todd will lift us to another level in faith, revelation and the supernatural”

That’s high praise indeed (no pun intended).

Todd was able to return this mutual admiration in his own pre-tour statement, waxing “God has New Zealand on his radar”, which is refreshing endorsement for believers from one so in tune with God.

So who is the Todd Bentley of Lakeland, Florida, ‘A list’ evangelist?

To whom do Kiwi’s owe such a great deal of gratitude, bordering on 2nd coming expectancy?

Let’s look at Todd Bentley's file, the one that apparently fell behind the cabinet, at Fusion Church H.Q in Auckland:

• Bentley had done prison time for sexually molesting a 7 year old boy. What do you call adults who prey on children again? It begins with ‘p’, right?

• He was recently caught bonking one of his Church assistants (female, this time) and subsequently his wife took off with the kids.

• Todd claims he can take people to ‘a third heaven’ (don’t ask me to elaborate on this sort of crap, may be this 3rd heaven was in reference to what he get’s up-to with the assistant?)

• Keeps a running-total of the number of people he’s raised from the dead. It’s currently at 32 as best I can tell, but this tally of walking-dead seems to vary, depending on audience numbers, income demographics etc.

• Wants us to believe he has an angel that assists him with his healing. The angel is a she (well most of the time at least) called Emma. Look, get with it guys, these days Angels need names we can all relate to.



• Emma is actually a ‘hallowed tooth fairy’ in disguise. Hardened skeptics are floored as Emma makes gold magically appear in the form of fillings, of all things. Be amazed at this video, I didn’t believe my eyes,and nor will you!



• His stage act includes Jesus himself, that’s right the physical manifestation of God. Only Jesus never appeared as predicted on the night Todd told everyone he would.

• Speaking about stage acts, this dude has managed to combine elements of professional wrestling, and old time tent-show evangelism. Now that is novel, doubtless a market differentiation, measured against more traditional fake-healing. But some-what a dangerous activity to undertake one thinks,in view of the fact all of the people hiking-it on to Todd'stage, are ill, sometimes terminally (footnote; parents, don't let the kids try this at home)



I could have continued merrily listing more of Todd Bentley’s indiscretions and vacuous claims, such was the amount of juicy gossip circulating on the internet on this guy. A veritable smorgasbord that would turn the waters of tabloid press red within seconds, and all available to any God-fearing Fusion/Elim Church member who has access to the internet & further dabbled enough to know about a lesser known search-engine called ‘google’.

But I obviously I’m a great bloke, so why bother dishing-out more dirt, there’s plenty of stuff already listed above.

Enough for you to work-out what exactly he ‘lifted’ when he toured New Zealand in February. Metaphorically, the wallets of 700 suckers at $75 a head who turned-up to listen to him (oops sorry almost forgot Emma for one second) ‘them’ preach.

God may well have New Zealand on his radar, but I’d suggest there’s a number of Psychologists who have Bentley ‘bleeping’ in their own.

Let’s not beat about the bush here.

Repeat after me: “Todd Bentley IS……….nuts, loopy, maniacal, dippy, 9 bottles in the dozen, kooky, haywire, bonkers, unhinged, screwball”.

Ape F*cking Mad!

Any neutral who has viewed his antics on You Tube surely, has to agree, with this arms-length diagnosis, on his mental state of health.

What would happen if a work-mate told you “ I’ve got an angel assisting me and she/he sprinkles gold dust in our office”?

Dial the looney-bin is the likely answer!

In fact the only humans on this planet who have failed to recognise this guy ‘is not full quid’ are the very same people that have made him a millionaire.

Include in this ranks, the members of New Zealand’s Fusion and Elim Churches.

This entire group shares the same colour in their sky as Todd, which differs from the one we can see above our own heads.

The ‘relationship’ between Todd, Emma, New Zealand and God Almighty doesn’t’ end with this tour earlier this year.

Oh no, this get’s a lot weirder, peoples (yes indeed, it is possible!)

In Part Two, you’ll get to read about a Kiwi character I’ve dubbed ‘Rob the Revelator’ ,a ‘magic boomerang’, plus the said inked Pedophile Pastor.

Stay tuned.

PS; Is this characture off Sesame Street,who I think it is?

Thursday, September 4, 2008

Faith Healers: Selling Delusions to The Delusional

Previously I have shown a degree of charity, when it comes to the victims of these false faith-healers, better termed fake-healers.

And I’m not just referring to Pastor Michael Gugliemucci, when it comes to the term ‘false faith-healerS’ here (you’ll see there’s emphasis on the plural) By world standards Pastor Michael, is a light-weight in Pentecostal circles, 3rd division.

The list of fake-healers is extensive, and the ‘big names’ ply their trade around the globe ably assisted by local agents of deception, who use the obligatory word ‘Church’ at the beginning of their names.

Consumers can identify a ‘garden variety’ fake-healer by their use of the term pastor in their title, bad taste in expensive clothing, an entourage that resembles The Sopranos, special effects to rival U2, and last but not least an amazing ability to solicit Gods support (on provision of your credit card number and expiry date)

I could continue to lambaste the orcastrators of the grand illusion that ‘God can heal via my hand and prayers’ and signal sympathy towards the people they’ve fleeced.

But I then took a step-back, took time to examine the strange physiological ‘symbiotic’ relationship that exists between the fake-healer and the down-trodden & down right desperate believer.

It was then - the penny then dropped!

1.)If you are stupid enough to believe in an interventionalist God, you are going to be easy prey for rip-offs.

2.)Believers in deities are frequently unable to distinguish between the real world and the fantasy world of angels, devils etc.

3.)If the best God can do, is employ the likes of this miserable lot as earthy intermediaries through which to channel his healing powers, then it means God isn’t much good on character judgments, humanly fallible.

Concluded all you need is a bit of guile & bluff, a switched-on marketing company, and you have a market of over a billion suckers plus (oops believers) to rip into.

I no longer care about the likes of Benny Hinn etc, who rack in millions with false promises.

All they are doing is selling delusions to the delusional.

Further, researching the western equivalent of sharminism, I’m now totally convinced Benny, Pastor Michael and his ilk are on to a ‘sure winner’.

So as far as I’m concerned from here on in, go ahead and milk this market for all its worth, guys (and these showmen are always males).

No matter how ludicrous your claims, the inability to even offer basic corroborating evidence of your powers, as long as you include Mr God in your spiel – you’ll be believed!

I mean how much more fascicle & fanciful can it get, than telling an audience that Jesus himself is currently wandering around The Middle East converting Muslims!



Sorry Benny and followers, I’ve bad news for you guys.

Jesus was already booked-up in Florida for that night, by rival evangelist Todd Bentley!



But these two ‘second coming’ claims pail into insignificance, when pitted against the powers of their Lazarus-like buddy, Reinhard Bonnke.

Herr Bonnke, purports he can raise the dead!

This is him promoting The Planetshakers (you’ll remember them from earlier blogs and get to appreciate fake-healing is a multi-national billion dollar industry spanning the globe)



Literally millions of the emotionally dependent, subscribe to this load of crap.

Now, back to what I was saying before these amusing You-Tube diversions, and now you can see where I’m coming from here.

As a faith-healer, even when you do make a blunder in the public domain, combinating in the obligatory tearful confession where you admit you are a charlatan, there’s nothing to fear – you will be forgiven!

Your ‘target market’ automatically believes your powers without proof & when you f*ck-up rather than dumping on you, they forgive you!

And this all this happens of right!

There IS no downside, selling delusions to the delusional.

Pastor Michael, is a grand case in point.

He and his church will get to keep their loot, and he’ll be forgiven, even by those he ripped-off both spiritually and financially.

Frankly, it wouldn’t surprise me if Gugliemucci Jnr, starts back on the same bandwagon at some point. It’s hard to see him getting a proper job.

May be Gugliemucci could join-in with the Hinn ‘circus’, after all they share many of the same character traits, and that unique direct telephone-line to God. Hinn and Bonnke regularly fleece as a duo.

But sharing a stage and Gods word can prove logistically problematic for the fake-healers.

It becomes messy having to split the night’s takings, T.V rights etc.

Tuesday, September 2, 2008

Wake-Up Mankind: Our understanding of the Universe is likely to change in about 7 days...


The Large Hadron Collider (LHC) built at a cost of 11.5 billion New Zealand Dollars, is a 27 kilometre long, scientific instrument located underground near Geneva, where it spans the border between Switzerland and France.

The massive particle accelerator will shortly be used by physicists to study the smallest known particles – the fundamental building blocks of all things.

The hope is it will revolutionise our understanding, from the minuscule world deep within atoms, to the vastness of the Universe.

New particles of matter are expected to be discovered, new dimensions found beyond the four known, as scientists re-create conditions in the first billionths of a second after the Big Bang.

This process has been called ‘tunneling to the beginning of time’.

Mankind’s most expensive and elaborate ‘discovery machine’ goes live on September 10th 2008.

Yep, I’m excited, even if 99% of my fellow humans don’t give a rats arse.

This date may turn-out to be the most monumental, in the entire history of human endeavour!

Or it could turn-out to be multi-billion dollar flop (?) with more questions left to be answered, than the experiment answers.

Praise-be to Science.

Praise-be to all those that push the boundaries of man-kinds knowledge.

Listen-up folk’s, this is what it's all about:



Monday, September 1, 2008

Hocus Pocus & Medicine Don’t Mix!


All this business with that fraudster Pastor Gugliemucci, got me pondering about the wider picture of faith-healing and sick, desperate people.
I concluded, that any form that involved 'selling Gods healing actions’ & 'unfounded religious hocus pocus’, is in it's rawest form - fraud of the most exploitive type (however genuine the practitioner, and recipient is of these so-called magical powers of their deity) and should be banned accordingly.

Governments around the globe know fully well, that in the entire history of modern science, no claim of any type of supernatural phenomena has ever been replicated under controlled conditions, yet allow this widespread ‘belief fraud’ to go ahead unimpeded (indeed give the perpetrators a tax cut instead!)

Fact: There has never been a single provable ‘miracle’ involving supposed actions of deities.

Conventional Medicine, tested and quantifiable, is a patients best, and often only proven hope.

Were a medicine proven to be ineffective or dangerous, it would be pulled immediately, but no such rigours are applied religious-healers.

There can no longer be a place for unsubstantiated, anecdotal superstition in modern medicine, in the same way there’s no place for leeching.

Giving false hope, and charging for the privilege, is not just a crime worthy of admonishment, but also a stretch in prison.

Ask yourself - ‘If intercessory prayer works - why do we even need a medical system in the first place’?!

Moving from this - ‘where is the evidence any of this speaking to invisible entities has any admissible benefit at all’?

Could The Archbishop of Canterbury explain to you and me, how his God actually cures patients in quantifiable, measured terms?

No way, all we would get is wishy-washy anecdotes, not scientific facts, little more than ‘hocus pocus’.

Could The Pope explain the logic of why his God would give someone a fatal disease, only to prove what a nice guy he really is, by curing it? Seems sadistic in the extreme.

Which passage of these ancient sacred scripts written by God explains to those that have lost a limb, digit, eye, ear etc, why they are now ‘the great unwashed’ & exempt his magical healing powers?

Asking this and any other burning question of your local ‘religious health provider’, and you’d have to endure an explanation that relies on blind faith, and if you especially unlucky you’ll to hear some erroneous passages from a book, which amongst other enlightenment, tells us the sun revolves around the earth, for good measure.

In 2008 should we should be relegating all forms of ‘faith based healing’ to the ranks of African Witch Doctoring, ridding our hospitals of these pariahs, closing meetings like the ones run by Pastor Michaels, and warn our kids about adults who pollute their minds of Gods over science + medicine.

Its high time Authorities stopped turning a blind eye to religious ‘snake-oiler’s.

If we see fit as a society to prosecute those guilty of commercial fraud, we can not continue to ignore the actions of religious providers, who offer the largest morsel possible to entice believers and their finances to their cause - life itself.

And why do we give any credence to these same religious ‘hocus pocus’ providers when it comes to medical advancements?

Who cares what people that that have tried to suppress science for centuries, have to say.

Here’s an idea to ponder.

Let’s introduces laws which would mean if you belong to a religious grouping that tries to suppress the advancement of medical science e.g. say The Catholic Churches stand on stem cell treatment, then it would be made abundantly clear to these followers, you and your children, will be automatically be relegated to the bottom of any, waiting-list for this treatment, were you to suffer an illness requiring it’s use.

The policy is entirely logical, fair to everyone and consistent with their beliefs (we wouldn’t want to tread on their precious beliefs after all) and a chosen belief system could be denoted on driver’s licences. Jehovah Witness’s prohibit blood transfusions in exactly the same way I'm prescribing.

For those that say such a policy is stupid and draconian, I suggest there’s a large plus side to duplicitous believers being relegated to the bottom of medical waiting lists.

They’ll have more time to pray!

How much time (?) may well depend greatly on the length of the waiting-list.